Just Another Bad Day

[Mega Man]

My uncle is in hospice because he is dying of colon cancer...he's been fighting it for 10 years and the end is within a week for him. He lives in San Diego which is about an hour and a half drive down from where I live. I agreed to pick up my dad, and my sister and drive us all down (my gf who lives with me went too; my mom stayed down there the previous week).

I picked them up and we stopped in for breakfast at an IHOP. Ate breakfast and got into the car. Upon leaving, we noticed the truck in front of me was parked really close. Too close. I thought, he may have hit me...so before setting off, I opened my door to take a look. There was very little room before my front bumper and his. I couldn't even fit my little finger into the gap. So, I reversed a bit and checked it out. Sure enough, he did hit me. He crossed over the center line by about a foot and a half, and dinged my front bumper. Nothing too serious, not even really visible. It can only be felt. I did take his license plate down though, simply because he was well over a foot past the center line, and hit my bumper. What an @$$hole, no note or anything. Didn't know what to think about this...drove all the way down to SD with a bit of aggression and agitation due to this.

Got down to SD and my uncle's house without any problem. We were greeted by his live-in nurse, and saw him. I saw him 2 or 3 weeks ago, and he was very thin. This time, he looked like a skeleton with skin. It was very dis-heartening. I just got home from SD...and thought I'd type this before I forgot it all...the drive home was awful.

More times than I care to count, there were bad drivers everywhere on the 5 North and 405 North from SD back to my home. One instance that sticks out in my (and my sister's) mind more than any of the others was a female driving a mid-90's Civic. We're in the fast lane going 80 (before you bash me about going 80 in the fast lane, know this is the flow of traffic in this lane; and the average for So-Cal in general, I've driven in other states and understand this is not the case everywhere), she's in the lane to the right of me going 60 or so. Without looking, she merges right in front of me, then signals to go left. I hit my brakes and slow down easily in time (thanks to the 1ers great brakes). The car behind me nearly rear ends me as it cannot slow down as quickly, realizing this, I let off my brakes and give them some room. She then tries to merge into the carpool lane, not seeing the group of motorcyclists (caravan of them). She nearly hits the one next to her, he and his passenger swerve left, look at her, and she doesn't even see them. She then swerves back into my lane right in front of me. I merge out of the fast lane and over to the right one. About 4 miles down, my exit is coming up to the 405 freeway so I merge to the right. I notice a car merging over very rapidly, and it's the same car! She's behind me by a few hundred feet. I figure I don't want her behind me, or anywhere close to me. Sped up, and put some distance between us. The exit that merges to the other freeway has a curve to it. Bad news as you can imagine. She caused some kind of collision (big surprise, right?) and that was the last of her I could see before I got onto the 405.

As for my uncle...and today may have been the last time I would see him alive. His last words (if it was indeed today) to me were, "Don't worry about your bumper, it's a bumper. That's what it's there for. You live in an urban area, what do you expect? To keep your car perfect for ever? You've succeeded in school, you're working now, you're much better off than many other people are today. Continue to do what you've been doing."

His words really did make me realize that it is just a bumper. It's what it's there for. The bump isn't even really noticable. You can feel it if you run your finger across it, but otherwise would never know it's there. If anyone ever does notice it, I can tell them this story. If those really are to be his last words to me, what a great story to tell; words of wisdom from a dying man.

If you read this in its entirety, thank you for staying with it. I am not a poet, or an articulate writer. I didn't write this with any kind of intention, and I'm sure it sounded more like a rant than an actual grievance; but as I said, I didn't write this with any intention. If you got door dinged, or your bumper got bumped, remember who you are, and where you are. Is it worth getting all angry and agitated about?

Thank you for hearing my story.

[rawbert54]

thanks for posting that. its funny how sometimes your read just what you need to and at the right time.

[Bimmer Nerd]

sorry to hear about your uncle, sounds like a man that learned all he could have and tried to pass it on to whoever he could, i hope he lives long enough to see him at least once again, as for the bumper if its not noticeable and it doesn't need to be replaced then thats a good thing and really nothing to get mad about, in your situation people would get even more mad because of the uncle and the bumper. you might not have the intention behind this "story" but at least you let it out and you feel better.

[jmcgraw013]

Thank you for sharing. I lost my Dad unexpectedly last May - I too got to see him shortly before he passed - a hug and a goodbye (not knowing it would be the last time) - he said "take it easy son and good luck with your Show (I manage trade shows) it will all work out fine, don't stress about it..." Everything did work out fine.

I try to remind myself when I get uptight that all that matters is our health and taking care of the ones we love. Material things come and go and can be replaced; good friends and loved ones can't.

Peace to you and may your uncle rest in peace when his time comes.

[former]

Mega Man - You don't need to be a poet when it comes from the heart.

We could all use a little bit more humanity these days. It's not easy to do the right thing - usually it is the hardest road we have to walk. But, the focus on what's really important... that is what we should all worry about.

My wife has lost her father, grandfather and mother to cancer and indeed is fighting it herself (for the second time, though this time mild and hopefully it stays that way.)

Good luck to all of us and may the passage of those we love teach us to be better people.

[Ibedon]

A little perspective now and again is a good thing.

Thanks.

[bdardashti]

Thanks for sharing the story.

It's good to read or hear these things every once in a while to remind ourselves that material possessions aren't so important in life.

[KathyFG]

MegaMan: My heart and prayers go out to your uncle and your entire family. It is a tough thing to watch a loved one grow so weak and ill. My own Dad died from colon cancer years ago, at only 56 years of age. It is a terrible disease. I know your uncle appreciates getting to spend some time with you and his family. Keep strong, and enjoy life- that is what your uncle would want. Take care.

[xantdieselx]

I'm very to sorry to hear about your uncle. I too have lost an uncle who was close to me.

I used to work for Geico as an appraiser and an adjuster. There were three separate occasions that I handled claims involving fatalities. Nothing was worse than having to talk about physical damage to a vehicle with someone who just lost someone they love. That put life in perspective for me.

I also work in a collsion center and see brand new cars damaged everyday. It would be foolish for me to think that this will not at some point happen to my car as well-no matter how well I take care of it.

The bottom line is a car can be fixed. A life you cannot replace.

-Anthony

[1013mm]

man.... mega man, I really feel for you. My grandpa who raised me since I was born until I was around 6 had three near death experiences and was hospitalized for around 6 months each time ever since 2004. I really know how it feels man... I really do. Your car is nothing compared to the people around you. Best wishes to you and your family.

[EINSER M]

your uncle has found a great place to rest and go, san diego and you are lucky to have him as an uncle. take care buddy.

[1speedbike]

My condolences. I lost my aunt a year ago to colon cancer, and my uncle and great aunt this past year to lung cancer. I hope he put some perspective on your life. Your story was uplifting, it really does make all the small things seem far away. A bumper is nothing, your life is precious.

[peppebmw]

Thanks for sharing that story with us. It was very touching and puts life into perspective. I love my One series but in the end it is just a car. I too have come to accept that things don't stay new forever. I am as careful as I can be with my car but sometimes things happen that are out of my control. I bought the car to enjoy it day in and day out and that is my intention. My condolences about your uncle as I lost mine 8 years ago to cancer and it was very sad.

[Mega Man]

Nothing car related this time...I just received a phone call about half an hour ago from a close friend. His brother, and a mutual friend of ours was just shot while buying some flowers for a funeral viewing later today. My friend who called me didn't make very much sense over the phone, and I'm waiting for more details. I called a few of our other mutual friends, and none of them had heard yet, so I guess I was the first (possibly only) to be informed. I'm going to wait a bit before calling him to find out if I should be at the hospital or what.

It's strange how a day can change so drastically so quickly. This morning I met with my GF's mom, her brother, and some of their family friends for brunch. We left, she had school work to do and I'm good at helping her younger brother with math so we went to a cafe. That's where I received the phone call. Every day is a gift, and this weekend is proving this more and more to me.

I am not looking forward to the beginning of next week. Dreading Monday and the 4 days following that already. Here's to hoping next weekend is better. I understand reading this may sound cold and uncaring. It's difficult to express emotion, especially on a forum. Thanks again for reading this...

...this has been one horrible weekend.

[Mega Man]

Just came home from the hospital. Neither of them made it through. Apparently it was a racial kill. Mexicans were harassing them (they're not gangsters) and saying things along the lines of, "this is a Mexican area now, there's no nips here," and things of that nature.

When leaving the flower shop, they were shot. One died on the scene, the other at the hospital. A third was shot in the leg. Another family member there who had witnessed the shooting is being detained for questioning and evidence, as his brother bled all over him.

I'm home to eat some dinner, and then I'll be at his families home.

[lannypoffo]

good story about that bumper..

[Mega Man]

Well, the shooting was on the news...

...I'm having a rough day at work...might need to go home early.

It was a really crazy weekend. I can't believe I lost 2 friends, and an uncle who won't make it through the week.

[KathyFG]

MegaMan, hang in there. The good thing about life--and why we don't just all give up when sh*t like this happens--is that things WILL get better. The fact that your friends and your uncle have someone caring like you, says a lot about them as people. Just put one foot before the other, get though the week, and hopefully a light will be there with something good this weekend.

[Mega Man]

Thanks, I don't think things will be getting better for a while. I have tomorrow off from work to help my friend look for a casket. He's looking for this for his younger brother. My job has been very understanding in giving me "as much time as I need."

Here's a link to a news article regarding the shooting.
http://www.lbreport.com/news/feb09/187delam.htm

The media got it wrong though. They say between gangs. My friend's were not gangsters. I won't get into the details of the story; rest in peace, y'know? I just want to set it straight that my friends were not gangsters.

MODs after some thought, I realize this thread is now really off topic from Coupe/Convertible General Discussion. Thank you for your understanding with this post.

[cagekicker]

your uncle is soo right. thanks for sharing your story.

[HeyMoe53]

We often get seemingly overwhelming burdens to shoulder. However, I truly believe that if one has faith, all things do balance out in the end. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even in this lifetime. But, they do balance out.

Two things to remember.

One, our lives are just a speck in the vastness of forever. Anything we can enjoy, or anything that brings sorrow in this life is of such short duration.

And, always remind yourself that if you take care of your life, you will get to see your uncle again, and then it will be forever.

In the meantime, best wishes. Hang in there. You sound like someone who is up to that task.

[Mega Man]

Yesterday, I attended a ceremony for one of the deceased (his family is Buddhist, and I don't know what the ceremony is called). This was not a viewing or a funeral. Sparing the details, you could tell the strain it was putting on his family. One of his brothers was there at the crime scene, saw it happen before his eyes, and held his brother in his arms as he died. I feel for him the most; and fear he isn't handling it very well at all (how would one handle that?).

After work today, I'm taking my father down to San Diego again. He's too unsteady to drive, this situation with my uncle has him really un-nerved. My mom (who's staying down in San Diego, and has all weeek) called us late last night. She's stayed down there since Monday when we received a phone call that he had slipped into unconsciousness and was put on oxygen. The live in nurse had said that in her experience, this usually meant about 2-3 days left. After I drive my father down there, it'll likely be sometime after 7pm (traffic may make it later than 8pm). I'll probably hang around for an hour or so, then drive back home because I have to be at work the next day. I've already taken some grievance days, and my job has been very understanding. I have deadlines to meet and can't keep taking time off.

I remember a post or PM to me regarding these tough times, I won't look for it to quote it but something along the lines of, "sorry to hear you're going through all this stuff at once," or something like that. I was thinking about that as I was walking out of the parking structure and to the office when I thought I'd rather get it all at once than a little bit all year. That way, you're only sad for a short while, instead of sad all year long.