Joke Thread

[samuelcpaul]

Originally Posted by BiggieJ

a blond, a redhead, and a brunette were all involved in a police chase. its was dark and the three ladies pull up to a barn to look for a hiding spot. they all deiced itll be better if they split up so they ran in different directions. the redhead comes up to a pig pen where she decides to hide amongst the pigs. the brunette sees a heard of cattle and hides amongst them. the blond sees a hugh stack of potatos so she grabs an empty potato sack and jumps in. the cops pull up a few minutes later and with a flashlight went to look around. he comes up on the pig pen and yells "anyone in there?" the redhead replies with a "onik, oink." so the cops says "hmm. okay.." and moves on. he comes up on the heard of cattle. "anyone in there?" and the brunette replies"moooo" so the cop moves on. then the cop somes upon the hugh stack of potatos. he searches and yells "anyone in there?" so the blond listening to the others yells out "potato."

nice dude..

[samuelcpaul]

nice ones.. Enjoy this one too...

A lady was throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out and hired a caterer, a band, and a clown.

Just before the children's party started, two bums showed up, looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they would help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed for the backyard.

The guests arrived, and all was going well, with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown had not shown up. After another half an hour, the clown finally called the woman to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not be able to make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed, and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. Then she happened to look out the back window, and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high into the air.

She called to the other bum and said, " What your friend is doing is absolutely spectacular! I have never seen such a thing! Do you think your friend would consider repeating his performance for the children at my party? I would pay him $50.00!"

The bum replied, " Well, I dunno. Let me ask him... Hey, Willie! For fifty dollars, would you chop off another toe?!"

Dany.
..

safe adhesive tape

[BillLee]

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico...

But as we know... the great ship did not make it to New York... The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The cargo was forever lost...

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery... were disconsolate at the loss...

Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day...

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th... and! is known...of course... as...

Sinko de Mayo.

[Scorpion]

Haha good ones.

[smack]

Your mama so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for moonin!

[addy85]

Originally Posted by smack

Your mama so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for moonin!

You should be penis slapped in the face for that crappy joke.

[aut0sh0cker]

A few racist jokes to go around:

1) How does a black woman take a pregnancy test?

- She sticks a banana up her snatch, and if it comes out half-eaten then she knows theres a little monkey on the way.

2) How many Jews can you fit into a sedan?

- 5 in the seats, and 6,000,000 in the ash tray

3) A black man and a Mexican man fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first?

- The Mexican. The black guy never hits the ground because of the rope around his neck.

4) Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?

- You only teach them how to take off!

5) How do you know when you have been robbed by an Asian?

- You come home and the guy is still trying to back out of your driveway.

6) Why doesn't Mexico have any Olympic teams?

- Everyone who can run, jump or swim has crossed the border.

[DFW_MThree]

Originally Posted by aut0sh0cker

A few racist jokes to go around:

1) How does a black woman take a pregnancy test?

- She sticks a banana up her snatch, and if it comes out half-eaten then she knows theres a little monkey on the way.

2) How many Jews can you fit into a sedan?

- 5 in the seats, and 6,000,000 in the ash tray

3) A black man and a Mexican man fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first?

- The Mexican. The black guy never hits the ground because of the rope around his neck.

4) Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?

- You only teach them how to take off!

5) How do you know when you have been robbed by an Asian?

- You come home and the guy is still trying to back out of your driveway.6) Why doesn't Mexico have any Olympic teams?

- Everyone who can run, jump or swim has crossed the border.

Thats horrible man but so funny lol.

[boymonkey]

Originally Posted by aut0sh0cker

A few racist jokes to go around:

1) How does a black woman take a pregnancy test?

- She sticks a banana up her snatch, and if it comes out half-eaten then she knows theres a little monkey on the way.

2) How many Jews can you fit into a sedan?

- 5 in the seats, and 6,000,000 in the ash tray

3) A black man and a Mexican man fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first?

- The Mexican. The black guy never hits the ground because of the rope around his neck.

4) Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?

- You only teach them how to take off!

5) How do you know when you have been robbed by an Asian?

- You come home and the guy is still trying to back out of your driveway.

6) Why doesn't Mexico have any Olympic teams?

- Everyone who can run, jump or swim has crossed the border.

Oh wow! LOL!

[GAM3OVR85]

Originally Posted by Ryan335

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to
get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged
me.

My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day I went to pick up the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car

[GAM3OVR85]

Originally Posted by aut0sh0cker

A few racist jokes to go around:

1) How does a black woman take a pregnancy test?

- She sticks a banana up her snatch, and if it comes out half-eaten then she knows theres a little monkey on the way.

2) How many Jews can you fit into a sedan?

- 5 in the seats, and 6,000,000 in the ash tray

3) A black man and a Mexican man fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first?

- The Mexican. The black guy never hits the ground because of the rope around his neck.

4) Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?

- You only teach them how to take off!

5) How do you know when you have been robbed by an Asian?

- You come home and the guy is still trying to back out of your driveway.

6) Why doesn't Mexico have any Olympic teams?

- Everyone who can run, jump or swim has crossed the border.

LMAO!!!

[smack]

Originally Posted by addy85

You should be penis slapped in the face for that crappy joke.

Do you know why the little jewish boy was sitting next to the chimney of the concentration camp?

He was waiting for his parents.