Friends & Family

[floridaorange]

Do you judge your aging friends and family that do Not give their diet or exercise any time or attention at all?

The older I get, the more I question those in my family or friends i've known most my life who literally don't ever workout or eat right.

I kinda feel guilty for being more disciplined in the overall health department, than many in my family and many of my friends….

[Tambohamilton]

I judge myself, definitely. Very fortunate that the vast majority of my family and friends are generally healthy though!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

Do you judge your aging friends and family that do Not give their diet or exercise any time or attention at all?

The older I get, the more I question those in my family or friends i've known most my life who literally don't ever without or eat right.

I kinda feel guilty for being more disciplined in the overall health department, than many in my family and many of my friends….

I'll be honest, I get sick of the reverse judgement for losing weight and taking care of myself. I seriously get judged and catch hell over placing more focus on my health. I get told, "You're too skinny." My response is "The only people who tell me I'm too skinny are fat people. No one in great shape tells me that I'm skinny." I also get asked if I have been sick or if I'm on drugs. I mean, the answer is always yes to sick and drugs, but the weight loss comes from hard ass work.

I get frustrated with young people who have the time to lose weight or place a focus on their health and are just too lazy. If I don't have time and do it, what is their excuse? It's weird to me that when I was fat, I was completely self-conscious about my appearance, now that I've lost weight and at the gym 5-6 days a week; I'm even more self-conscious.

[Oldgixxer]

I stopped along time ago,my go-to response when they ask is; everything in moderation and a lifestyle change are what works best.

Short answer:
In my eyes,there are only two types when it comes to taking hold of yourself and getting(and staying)in shape: those who want it bad enough to make the necessary sacrifices to achieve those goals and stick with it and.... those who are too lazy to make any meaningful changes.

You can drag a horse to water..

[JP10]

Definitely judge, though rarely voice my opinion for exactly what Oldgixxer mentioned. Can't force change. Though when I hear about family or friends going to the hospital for items related to being obese or overweight, I am the last person to give them any sympathy - this has gotten me in trouble with the wife in the past.

You reap what you sow.

[Chapperss]

And here we have where all this recent orange man not orange man shit leads to (intensified with vax no vax).

Why are you judging people? Why cant people live their own lives? Why cant they make decision different to yours and still be cool awesome people?

We don`t know the circumstances that have lead to where people are at in there lives at the moment we decide to judge them, so let stop.

It`s not your responsibility to help anyone, but instead, just be there for those that want to make a change in their lives.

You can feel like you are doing better but just remember they may feel like they are doing better than you also (just in a different area)! Not all our goals are the same.

x

[tcphoto]

I am the only one in my family that is not considered overweight or obese, I do wonder why they make the choices they do. My eighty-two year old Stepmother hasn't done anything for at least five years and the boulder hit her last year, she has fallen three times, broke her C1, ankle and two days later had a mild stroke. She's been in and out of the hospital and rehab and it is truly sad to see the lack of pride, discipline and commonsense. This has reinforced my theory that, commonsense is not so common.

[floridaorange]

When I lived in San Diego, where health was a common thread - this topic would seem silly. But back down in humid Florida, many ppl just choose not to even try.

Yes of course it's their choice. Yes of course I can't control them. No it doesn't keep me up and night. No I don't think I'm somehow better because my #'s all came back healthy from my physical.

BUT. It's hard to witness, it's tough to not feel occasionally frustrated and it's baffling why things never change.

I'm not referring to someone who is taking a yr long break from the gym

I'm referring to family and friends who never go and won't ever go and suffer from depression and what not.

I'm not on a high horse - I'm asking how you deal with it, i'm looking for coping skills. It's sad to me watching those I love year after year self destruct.

[DenverSteve]

You don't "handle" it. You let others live as they choose. There is no benefit to you, or them, to judge them on how they choose to live their lives. Half the problems in our country are those who want their freedoms but choose to stick their noses in other peoples business. My advice is to stay in your lane and let others do the same. As long as their decisions don't interfere with your ability to live your life, leave them alone. Like Chapperss articulately said.

p.s. - I am in my early 60's and a long-distance cyclist/racer. I am 6' and 175 pounds and get the same questions as mentioned above. "Are you losing weight?", "Are you okay?" "You're too thin"..... I just say no and move along. I work my tail off many hours a day and don't care what anyone else chooses to do. The time it would take me to interfere in someone else's life choices just takes away from my peace and calm.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by DenverSteve

You don't "handle" it. You let others live as they choose. There is no benefit to you, or them, to judge them on how they choose to live their lives. Half the problems in our country are those who want their freedoms but choose to stick their noses in other peoples business. My advice is to stay in your lane and let others do the same. As long as their decisions don't interfere with your ability to live your life, leave them alone. Like Chapperss articulately said.

p.s. - I am in my early 60's and a long-distance cyclist/racer. I am 6' and 175 pounds and get the same questions as mentioned above. "Are you losing weight?", "Are you okay?" "You're too thin"..... I just say no and move along. I work my tail off many hours a day and don't care what anyone else chooses to do. The time it would take me to interfere in someone else's life choices just takes away from my peace and calm.

Yes, its simplest to do that. And it's a failsafe way to ensure you don't tread on anyone's toes.

But this thread is specifically about friends and family; people we care about and would normally have open dialogue with. To me asking a friend/family member if they are ok, or need support or help etc is part of my duty of care to them.

I know fine that a large part of the reason that I'm currently unhealthy is because I'm not in a good place mentally. My self-medication is to eat junk food. Clearly that does more harm than good, but that's what happens. I eat when I'm depressed, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm bored... I don't intend to, but that's where my brain goes.

So if/when a friend says to me that I'm not looking so healthy, is everything ok? My response is that I'm not doing so well, and I could really do with getting out on my bike or whatever with them. I don't feel the need to take offence at their judgement of my physical state, because I know that their entire intention is to help.

That said, if I were to ask that question to one of my friends and their response was no I'm fine, I'd let them be. I'm not out to try and get everyone around me to chase my ideals.

[DenverSteve]

This thread is specifically about judging others not intervention. Additionally, the OP never mentioned anyone he/she has "duty to care" for (someone under their legal charge/dependant OR mental illness such as depression as you described it). Those would be discussions for another thread if you want to start it.

[erickonphoenix]

There's a cycle of this in my family. My granfather was very fit, then my dad was obese his entire life, I stay very fit but now my daughter is sliding into obesity following the birth of her second child.

I know my fathers chronic weight problems fuels my desire to never endure those kinds of problems and I'm sure my daughter thinks my fitness focus is not something she wants to endure.

[3PedalJake]

One brother in law is morbidly obese with ankles swelled like balloons from edema, yet insists to bring a bottle of homemade wine with him when he goes visiting. One sister in law hits my wife up for rides to her many Dr. appointments and insists on stopping at mickey d's for burgers and a LARGE coke each time.
I would certainly never say anything to them about it, ppl have to make their own decisions and live (or not) the way they feel is appropriate. You bet your azz I judge in private to mrs. jake tho, it doesn't hurt to reiterate the ways I DON'T intend for either of us to end up.

[Gregrobin]

Skinny/thin does not equal healthy

[Oldgixxer]

I probably could have been a bit more clear in my post above. I absolutely have concern and I do indeed worry about family members and close friends who are obviously living an unhealthy life whether that be poor diet/nutrition leading to an unfavorable BMI and/or medical conditions due to their bad nutrition choices,recreational drugs/alcohol in excessive amounts,prescription meds being abused,etc etc.

The difficulty I have is trying to convey my concerns without coming off as condescending and/or judgemental as thats a surefire recipe for that person to say "Oh yeah? Who the hell are you? Fuck off!" then that person will most likely continue down the path they're on just to be spiteful.

If I can only figure out how to offer unwanted constructive criticism

[JP10]

Originally Posted by Oldgixxer

I probably could have been a bit more clear in my post above. I absolutely have concern and I do indeed worry about family members and close friends who are obviously living an unhealthy life whether that be poor diet/nutrition leading to an unfavorable BMI and/or medical conditions due to their bad nutrition choices,recreational drugs/alcohol in excessive amounts,prescription meds being abused,etc etc.

The difficulty I have is trying to convey my concerns without coming off as condescending and/or judgemental as thats a surefire recipe for that person to say "Oh yeah? Who the hell are you? Fuck off!" then that person will most likely continue down the path they're on just to be spiteful.

If I can only figure out how to offer unwanted constructive criticism

I hear ya on this one, hence why I typically bite my tongue haha

[DocL]

I don't really care about other people's body, or their poor lifestyle decisions. Fat people are fat because they make bad decisions. I blame their doctors for not giving them the proper guidance. I was overweight and my Endocrinologist said it's time for Insulin as I'm a Type 2. I asked for help in losing weight, only 30lbs, and he referred me to a weight loss doctor. I lost the weight and my health got better. I don't go to the gym and hate working out.

If you're not in the Coast Guard you don't have to save anyone.

[3PedalJake]

Originally Posted by Oldgixxer

I probably could have been a bit more clear in my post above. I absolutely have concern and I do indeed worry about family members and close friends who are obviously living an unhealthy life whether that be poor diet/nutrition leading to an unfavorable BMI and/or medical conditions due to their bad nutrition choices,recreational drugs/alcohol in excessive amounts,prescription meds being abused,etc etc.

The difficulty I have is trying to convey my concerns without coming off as condescending and/or judgemental as thats a surefire recipe for that person to say "Oh yeah? Who the hell are you? Fuck off!" then that person will most likely continue down the path they're on just to be spiteful.

If I can only figure out how to offer unwanted constructive criticism

There's no way to not come across as a dick. In fact, if you want to be judged try turning down that homemade wine or that triple sugar sugar coated sugar bomb. I had to look up what "orthorexic" means, apparently it's a mental disorder suffered by ppl who don't want to trash the only body they have.

[Oldgixxer]

Originally Posted by 3PedalJake

There's no way to not come across as a dick. In fact, if you want to be judged try turning down that homemade wine or that triple sugar sugar coated sugar bomb.I had to look up what "orthorexic" means, apparently it's a mental disorder suffered by ppl who don't want to trash the only body they have.

Great,thank you for that! Now I can add this to my growing list of issues

Usually flares up when I'm at the Out-Laws house for dinner

[Gregrobin]

Originally Posted by JP10

I hear ya on this one, hence why I typically bite my tongue haha

They will not change until they want to change. Express your concern with empathy, compassion, tell them why you are concerned with the same, then let it go.

[floridaorange]

Originally Posted by Gregrobin

They will not change until they want to change. Express your concern with empathy, compassion, tell them why you are concerned with the same, then let it go.

Originally Posted by Gregrobin

They will not change until they want to change. Express your concern with empathy, compassion, tell them why you are concerned with the same, then let it go.

"Reasoning will never make a Man correct an ill Opinion, which by Reasoning he never acquired."

-Jonathan Swift

[Gregrobin]

Also, a wise man told me once "even though it's family it does not mean you need to like them or what they do"

I spent too much time in prior relationships trying to get a GF to change; it simply does not work.