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      05-19-2015, 02:22 PM   #45
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Starting to feel sorry for Sara...
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      05-19-2015, 03:06 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Lups View Post
The thread went to a different direction but we from that side of the forum know you well enough to know you meant this as fun which is badly needed in our corner. Bad timing though, I've been stressing over old and new traumas for a few weeks now and apparently this took the hit to unload them all.

It's still a great and needed thread. To the youngsters having their first kids this will be a helpful read and to us old folks a place to boast how special we are. Everybody wins.

Thanks op.
Glad I could provide therapy assistance! This thread was free...the next I will need to charge, at least, a nominal fee.
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      05-19-2015, 03:08 PM   #47
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Starting to feel sorry for Sara...
Yea sorry to hear all of that Sara. Mainly your husband's view/attitude. Exceedingly sad and unfortunate.
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      05-19-2015, 03:08 PM   #48
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I actually get his point too. Suddenly to be locked away inside the house with a witch is not bad enough, if the baby only sleeps it seems pretty pointless but even with everything being a routine already I would not risk my balls (haha) by even trying to sneak a car into the equation.

I didn't have lows with any of the kids, but when my son was born with hemifacial microsomia (missing an ear, jaw is not growing correctly), waiting the first night for the brain scans, heart ultrasound, the nurse telling me she was sorry that happened, I was so angry my hubby actually kept people away from me because he feared I'd kill someone for saying anything stupid.

He brought me a laptop and I studied all night and was prepared for the mornings exams (oh well, tests).

Yesterday was his fifth birthday. Probably one of the hardest days every year in my life since I still am not over of all the stuff that happened that first year. Personal favorite by far is the mantra I sometimes still wakeup chanting. "in order to know, you need all the bad news there is. The bad eliminates the worst and with that we pick the next fight". Charming lol.

We had no warning of anything being off. Every damn scan was done and if we exclude my adrenaline habits, everything went by the book during the whole wait. Sure the chances of this happening to others are small, but from experience I truly would not take the risk of not having the time to be there.

This thread was originally in our segment of the forum and I truly believe meant just for fun. As far as I remember, the op is one of the good guys.
I don't get his point and don't agree with him. His (assumed) wife just went through 9 months of being pregnant, and just gave birth to HIS son or daughter. And here he's complaining about being bored after a week. How disrespectful. Being a new father myself, I understand there is little a man can do for the baby. But he can do everything for his wife.

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through with your son. I hope he had a wonderful fifth birthday though
So what's disrespectful? Feeling bored or saying you felt bored?
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      05-19-2015, 03:23 PM   #49
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Sara, are you back to work? Is he totally out of your life? Ugh, I'm so sorry things worked out the way they did.
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      05-19-2015, 03:26 PM   #50
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Yea sorry to hear all of that Sara. Mainly your husband's view/attitude. Exceedingly sad and unfortunate.
He never wanted children with me in the first place so his attitude from the very beginning was poor. He's 44 and already had two young daughters from a previous marriage. I waited 4 days to tell him after I found out I was pregnant. He pressured me until 22 weeks to have an abortion almost weekly. (Its legal up until 22 weeks to kill a fetus) We were never married. He will never see her. I will never let him. We are 2,000 miles apart and I'm much better off. What was supposed to be the happiest time of my life was the absolute worst and most stressful. Yet I still want more children. I have absolutely no expectations during a pregnancy.

(Now everyone knows why I'm bat shit crazy)
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      05-19-2015, 03:32 PM   #51
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Sara, are you back to work? Is he totally out of your life? Ugh, I'm so sorry things worked out the way they did.
Yes I work full time. Yes we no longer speak. It's a blessing in disguise, that relationship was a trap.
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      05-19-2015, 03:37 PM   #52
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So you're back in NO, I'm assuming?
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      05-19-2015, 03:38 PM   #53
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So you're back in NO, I'm assuming?
Humid as shit down here.
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      05-19-2015, 03:40 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Sara504
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Originally Posted by Xtabi View Post
Yea sorry to hear all of that Sara. Mainly your husband's view/attitude. Exceedingly sad and unfortunate.
He never wanted children with me in the first place so his attitude from the very beginning was poor. He's 44 and already had two young daughters from a previous marriage. I waited 4 days to tell him after I found out I was pregnant. He pressured me until 22 weeks to have an abortion almost weekly. (Its legal up until 22 weeks to kill a fetus) We were never married. He will never see her. I will never let him. We are 2,000 miles apart and I'm much better off. What was supposed to be the happiest time of my life was the absolute worst and most stressful. Yet I still want more children. I have absolutely no expectations during a pregnancy.

(Now everyone knows why I'm bat shit crazy)
You are not bat shit crazy.

But you took offence when I told you to seek counselling to speak about things that bother you so you could resolve their root cause. Everybody benefits from counselling, not only "damaged" people. And it would be much better than asking advice from strangers on a car forum.

That was probably the best advice I've given, and I was truthful when I gave it. But I think you were only offended by it. What can I do...

You're not crazy. You've been through rough stuff, as many of us have. Talking about it with somebody who has your interests at heart and is licenced to do it would be great for you. Not only for you. For everybody who seeks counselling.
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      05-19-2015, 03:43 PM   #55
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You are not bat shit crazy.

But you took offence when I told you to seek counselling to speak about things that bother you so you could resolve their root cause. Everybody benefits from counselling, not only "damaged" people. And it would be much better than asking advice from strangers on a car forum.

That was probably the best advice I've given, and I was truthful when I gave it. But I think you were only offended by it. What can I do...

You're not crazy. You've been through rough stuff, as many of us have. Talking about it with somebody who has your interests at heart and is licenced to do it would be great for you. Not only for you. For everybody who seeks counselling.
Cant afford it. You guys are free.
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      05-19-2015, 03:51 PM   #56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Douche View Post
You are not bat shit crazy.

But you took offence when I told you to seek counselling to speak about things that bother you so you could resolve their root cause. Everybody benefits from counselling, not only "damaged" people. And it would be much better than asking advice from strangers on a car forum.

That was probably the best advice I've given, and I was truthful when I gave it. But I think you were only offended by it. What can I do...

You're not crazy. You've been through rough stuff, as many of us have. Talking about it with somebody who has your interests at heart and is licenced to do it would be great for you. Not only for you. For everybody who seeks counselling.
I cant do it. I cant afford it.
Some health insurance plans cover some of it... You don't have to pay out of pocket to go to sessions.

I have, I speak from experience. I have friends who are psychologists, and their biggest pet peeve is to hear the misconception that they only deal with "crazy". They go to sessions themselves (they understand how beneficial it is).

Or move to Canada and pay a little tax like we do and get medical coverage. I can host you (ok that's a joke, chill out). But seriously, there are options.

The biggest concern I have is that you may not be the best mom your child will need if you're not at your best. Think about it, it's hard doing it on your own (dealing with shit), and the child has the right to have the best possible. Not saying you're a bad mom, far from it, but that kids "sense" fear, problems, traumas, that kind of thing.

Sell the car and buy insurance. It's not like you're poor... You have horses and boats. Cmon... You're making it very hard to pitty you with the FWP of not being able to afford care driving a new BMW...
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      05-19-2015, 03:52 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Douche View Post
You are not bat shit crazy.

But you took offence when I told you to seek counselling to speak about things that bother you so you could resolve their root cause. Everybody benefits from counselling, not only "damaged" people. And it would be much better than asking advice from strangers on a car forum.

That was probably the best advice I've given, and I was truthful when I gave it. But I think you were only offended by it. What can I do...

You're not crazy. You've been through rough stuff, as many of us have. Talking about it with somebody who has your interests at heart and is licenced to do it would be great for you. Not only for you. For everybody who seeks counselling.
Cant afford it. You guys are free.
I see you edited it, but I'm not free. I'm more high maintenance than an N54...
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      05-19-2015, 03:52 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xtabi View Post
Yea sorry to hear all of that Sara. Mainly your husband's view/attitude. Exceedingly sad and unfortunate.
He never wanted children with me in the first place so his attitude from the very beginning was poor. He's 44 and already had two young daughters from a previous marriage. I waited 4 days to tell him after I found out I was pregnant. He pressured me until 22 weeks to have an abortion almost weekly. (Its legal up until 22 weeks to kill a fetus) We were never married. He will never see her. I will never let him. We are 2,000 miles apart and I'm much better off. What was supposed to be the happiest time of my life was the absolute worst and most stressful. Yet I still want more children. I have absolutely no expectations during a pregnancy.

(Now everyone knows why I'm bat shit crazy)
I don't think you are crazy. You had a very rough go at something that should be the polar opposite.

Glad to hear the true nut-job is not in the picture any longer.
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      05-19-2015, 03:55 PM   #59
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Glad I could provide therapy assistance! This thread was free...the next I will need to charge, at least, a nominal fee.
Well then I hope we experience 90%+ inflation from here on out you cheap bastard
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      05-19-2015, 03:58 PM   #60
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Stress during pregnancy is no fun. My wife told her employer she was expecting at the 12 week mark (the standard doctor-recommended timing) and they sat her down and told her they were very unhappy that she waited that amount of time and that she handled the situation poorly. They immediately started treating her like shit (would tell her something was fine in person but write a scathing email to have in writing, etc). Fast forward to the 8 month mark and they just let her go with no real explanation other than "don't you think this is not working out?". Nothing performance based, they just didn't want to cover her maternity. Needless to say, it's not how we envisioned things going down and it certainly sucked the fun out of the process toward the end of the pregnancy. Scumbags...
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      05-19-2015, 04:01 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by KingOfJericho
Stress during pregnancy is no fun. My wife told her employer she was expecting at the 12 week mark (the standard doctor-recommended timing) and they sat her down and told her they were very unhappy that she waited that amount of time and that she handled the situation poorly. They immediately started treating her like shit (would tell her something was fine in person but write a scathing email to have in writing, etc). Fast forward to the 8 month mark and they just let her go with no real explanation other than "don't you think this is not working out?". Nothing performance based, they just didn't want to cover her maternity. Needless to say, it's not how we envisioned things going down and it certainly sucked the fun out of the process toward the end of the pregnancy. Scumbags...
Did you guys sue? They can't do that.

Well at least the kids look great!
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      05-19-2015, 04:12 PM   #62
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Cant afford it. You guys are free.
There are many free therapy options available everywhere. If you'd like, I can ask my contacts if they know of one in your area.

I have to agree with him since I see daily what women go through and where it results to if the issues are not confronted. The people I deal with have endured cruelty beyond words and usually end up repeating the same cycles until there is no will to push back. I'm not saying this happens in your case but i truly hope you seek out a support group of outsiders.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      05-19-2015, 04:14 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by Sara504 View Post
Cant afford it. You guys are free.
There are many free therapy options available everywhere. If you'd like, I can ask my contacts if they know of one in your area.

I have to agree with him since I see daily what women go through and where it results to if the issues are not confronted. The people I deal with have endured cruelty beyond words and usually end up repeating the same cycles until there is no will to push back. I'm not saying this happens in your case but i truly hope you seek out a support group of outsiders.
Thank you.
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      05-19-2015, 04:15 PM   #64
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Did you guys sue? They can't do that.

Well at least the kids look great!
In progress...
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      05-19-2015, 04:18 PM   #65
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There are many free therapy options available everywhere. If you'd like, I can ask my contacts if they know of one in your area.

I have to agree with him since I see daily what women go through and where it results to if the issues are not confronted. The people I deal with have endured cruelty beyond words and usually end up repeating the same cycles until there is no will to push back. I'm not saying this happens in your case but i truly hope you seek out a support group of outsiders.
New Orleans or Metairie, Louisiana.
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      05-19-2015, 04:20 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by KingOfJericho
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Originally Posted by Douche View Post
Did you guys sue? They can't do that.

Well at least the kids look great!
In progress...
Good luck! Tell her it'll be ok, she has the most beautiful kids in the world and it's an easy win because they just can't do that. I know it must suck, but looking at the positives this story only reminds me of that one "you lent 50 dollars to a friend and never heard from him again. It was worth it". Saved her from more suffering in the future, and now she's free to look for something better. She would have to be at home committed to going back to that shitty place after labour... What a stress.
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