advise on f-up at work - ***RESOLVED***

[nazali]

So... I made a monumental F-up, I commented on a skype chat, to a group, instead of to a person I was bitching to (you know water cooler stuff) not lies but some serious workplace issues, it is actually a pretty toxic workplace.

so the problem is my manager was on this chat and they are responsible for cover/staffing etc and I wasn't too complementary on the chat, but I did not call out the manager by name, just saying stuff about staffing level and how we can exactly go on. most of my team complain to me about the manager and things like this.

I'm a lead, so I report to the manager, could not delete the thread, messages, and the whole team plus a few others where on that group chat

So now I'm not sure how to handle it. I havent seen any messages or emails nor anything saying... "ahem can I have a word with you" I decided to take a couple of days off, as sometimes being out of the scene can help cool things down.

so I have been keeping an eye on that chat and it seems buisness as usual, I know the person got it on the mobile app.

Sooo what do I do,

1> Ignore it, wait till the approach me, if they do

2> Apologise, as it wasn't the thing to do and it also wasnt meant to be on group

3> Confront the manager, saying I'm sick and tried of all the crap I'm getting and the team, thats why it came to a head

4> something different


txs peeps

[nazali]

trying to relax and de-tox my mind, by some netflix and chill, well probably just Netflix, wont get any chill

[oVeRdOsE.]

fortunately, humans have the capability to forget relatively fast.

I think the stupied chat stuff I did, is when a friend was announcing his mom going to the hospital tomorrow to receive the aid to die shot. She was 65 yo, with cancer.

People were offering their condolences already, his mom still alive at the moment...

So on the wrong chat, with more people, including my friend, no friends, colleague, etc I've wrote :

'' damn , people should learn definition (insert here the definition of condolence), it's lack of respect, specially those 2 with their lick ass condolence, when they ignore us''

andddd of course, the people I was bitching were in the chat...



Anyway, felt bad for 3 days straight, but I'm been known to be a immature person anyway, so my friend wrote :

'' ahh always here to turn I hard moment funny, this is why I like you, thank you , helped me in my tears''

and he was serious.

better than expected.

[ppointer]

#2 directly to the manager, in person. Then, if that person wants a public apology, let them request it. Make yourself accountable in a proactive way. Manage the situation, or it will manage you.

[BIGW0RM]

Originally Posted by ppointer

#2 directly to the manager, in person. Then, if that person wants a public apology, let them request it. Make yourself accountable in a proactive way. Manage the situation, or it will manage you.

Bingo. Own it to control it.

[nazali]

txs all !

[ErikJ1]

A few weeks ago..I didn't realize my partner was on a big zoom call and I busted in his office talking shit about simeone..that was on that call..and he was not muted..:..he just looked at me and pointed to the screen...mehh..I work for a large mechanical engineering company so we are not generally a sensitive bunch luckily

[Mason Hatcher]

Originally Posted by nazali

trying to relax and de-tox my mind, by some netflix and chill, well probably just Netflix, wont get any chill

Can I ask how old you are?

[XutvJet]

Own up to it and apologize if necessary. It will reduce your anxiety and may even gain you respect when you least expect it. If they want to talk more about the matter, then discuss your concerns and offer some solutions. My personal rule as a manager is that you are free to bitch, but you also need to provide me a possible solution(s).

[floridaorange]

Originally Posted by Mason Hatcher

Can I ask how old you are?

[allinon72]

Most managers (and people in general) like to avoid uncomfortable conflict even if it's needed. If you apologize behind close doors, it gives your manager an "out" and allows you to move on. If another employee complains, that complicates things.

[infinitekidM2C]

feckin ell

[erickonphoenix]

lol, usually I'm asked to apologize for something I said in group chat and I have to go back and find out what I did.

[vreihen16]

In my long experience, everyone above me on the organizational chart seems to ignore everything that I send to them via any means other than face-to-face. Dollars to donut spares, the person that you're worried about seeing your message probably didn't even read it.....

[OtoPA]

Originally Posted by ppointer

#2 directly to the manager, in person. Then, if that person wants a public apology, let them request it. Make yourself accountable in a proactive way. Manage the situation, or it will manage you.

I always understood that as a 'lead', you're quasi-management. I agree with the response to privately apologise to the manager, but don't be surprised that there is a bit of fallout from them. Your inability to be a moderating voice would likely keep me, as the manager, from giving you much more responsibility. NCOs are held to higher standards than the lower ranks.

[TR930]

I say #1, and then #2 if you get called on it. Everyone gets frustrated, but admitting a mistake like that amounting to what is in essence technical carelessness might not be good for your perception long term.

Would you rather be "passionate" or careless?

Own your frustration.

[NickyC]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

In my long experience, everyone above me on the organizational chart seems to ignore everything that I send to them via any means other than face-to-face. Dollars to donut spares, the person that you're worried about seeing your message probably didn't even read it.....

Basically what I was thinking. I'm on so many Teams chats as a manager, unless I'm pinged directly I almost never bother to read very closely. My thought was the manager guy never even saw it, and all OP would have to worry about is some rat mentioning it to him/her.

[Bingham]

Hey hey Naz,

Interesting post…much respect for you reaching out to a group of peeps, hopefully peers, seeking advice and knowledge.

You asked and I felt inclined to share my perspective from being in the work force for 20+ years…

I’m in the own it camp. Specifically, hold yourself accountable.

It’s been my experience most leaders will respect and appreciate some backbone and honesty…particularly if you’re right or on the right thought path. Great opportunity here for you to consider tuning your approach with your manager “to clean this up” and for the next time you feel inclined to share input with the wrong or unintended audience. I suspect you’ll think twice about your response approach, if any, the next time a bitch session erupts.

I’d be stunned if a productive way to address this instance and your current frustrations, with your manager, didn’t exist. If you generally like the work and the people you work with…own it. Candidly, if your manager is a douche or particularly unreasonable with your honest and thoughtful approach, then consider another role or moving on.

Making mistakes is part of the learning process…I would suggest avoiding wash rinse repeat.

Life really is short…particularly over one errant group text. I’m just trying to learn a little along the way…being reliable and wise is really hard.


B.

[nazali]

Your only as old as the person you feel

Originally Posted by Mason Hatcher

Can I ask how old you are?

[nazali]

Hey once again read all the replies, everyone got a like yay !

I'll be honest I'm very much hating personal conflicts, maybe it's more to do with confidence in conflict situations, my team is awesome, I've had back end reports form other folks including some managers 2 levels up, that my work ethics and team work are good, people and team do like me and working with me.

I bring in doughnuts for meetings, I always praise my guy's, never micro-manage, and make sure I tell my team there and then "hey great job", pretty much all the team and many others, hate this manager with a passion, he is, very micro managing, never allows time off unless your dead, uses people as a disposable resource. Has fired 5 people in as many months, are throughput, works out around 1 a month, either leaving transferring or fired.

The department is under heavy fire and I suspect the manger is up for the high jump or were getting outsourced.

You have to be very, very nice, very complimentary, rub the ego otherwise, man you have a hard time. It is a very toxic workplace, at least 3 staff have told me there ready to walk out.

The job is very rough, but manageable, but lack of staff and management makes it a living hell. My resume is out there, but I am making (very) good money, so dont wanna walk out of that.

I'm kinda hoping that, I can slip into that persons shoes, they can move on but are not, it would be a good fit, but if they don't I'm wasting my time there, so hence the resume.

The agency that I work through, can't move me because it would be like them poaching me, I'm sure they do have job's but they can't and won't tell me, due to contract reasons. If I resign or otherwise loose my job they can help me then, but that's like a poker call LOL

I've been close to walking out, and in fact nearly did on one occasion, but terms did change for a bit.

I "REALLY" hate that my guy's are working there nut's off. I have to delegate work, or escalations and urgent VIP crap to staff who are over worked.

People are going to have nervous breakdowns. It would be easier if I didn't give a crap, but I learnt from a fantastic mentor, who was an ace manager and I try to emulate everyday.

I'm leaning more to TR930's advise TBH. ATEOTD I will walk if pushed I don't really care, I have bills, but my OH has a high paying job and benefits.

I don't think for one minute it will come to that because of this chat, I suspect a "talking down" , "bollocking" or a "not what I expect from you/disappointed" kinda chat

I remember I used a term FUBAR'd in response to my outlook move to O365 going wrong, and on a private chat to me, he said "Please keep it professional" LOL

Oh well, whats the saying, "you only die once"

[nazali]

no, very inceitefull !

Originally Posted by Bingham_M2C

Hey hey Naz,

Interesting post…much respect for you reaching out to a group of peeps, hopefully peers, seeking advice and knowledge.

You asked and I felt inclined to share my perspective from being in the work force for 20+ years…

[nazali]

I am liking what your thought process is txs

Originally Posted by TR930

I say #1, and then #2 if you get called on it. Everyone gets frustrated, but admitting a mistake like that amounting to what is in essence technical carelessness might not be good for your perception Ling term.

Would you rather be "passionate" or careless?

Own your frustration.