Need Some Advice about Refi/Ex wife

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by obert

Yes 1.

That is a whole other issue that could really come back and bite me in my ass

Right now everything is 50/50 when I comes to paying for what our kid needs.

But that isn’t how the court would see it if she wanted to be a bitch. This is why I am saying if she does then I will be forced to move back into the house and of course she sees it as her house and not mine so that would be a huge battle to fight.

It’s been almost 4 years since the divorce was final. I treated the divorce like a mutual break up and so did she at the time but legally/financially I could lose big time.

This situation has been stressing me big time for almost 4 years and it’s getting worse

Yet something else to ponder, in the event that things don't go her way with the house; what are the odds that she will use the child support route in order to get revenge? Over the long haul, does the money coming to you from the home outweigh the cost of child support over the next however long until said child is an adult? Just trying to throw options to cover your ass. I ate everything just to walk away. Crippled me financially for 10 years but worth it now that my kids are both of age and I'm now free from any financial obligation to her whatsoever.

[hooligan_G01]

Take the reduced $50K payout and be thankful to put it all behind you.

Get some sort of legal paperwork that says this is the final settlement when it comes to the house, however.

[RickFLM4]

What's not clear is what exactly happened with the $30K cash out. There could be different opinions between the two of you on who got that benefit.

I think mistake #1 was doing the refi after divorce. Mistake #2 would be to let this drag out to the point where she gets an attorney in the middle. If you assume the worst that she understands your point and is just trying to screw you out of $15K, are you really willing to go through lawyers to fight over $15K?

I would try to gently get her to see your point, but get it resolved ASAP even if it means taking a haircut on what you believe you are owed and agree with above that documentation settlement is final is important.

[obert]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Oh man, if I am reading between the lines then you would owe her support if she pushed for it.

In which case, don't fret the 15Km just GTFO and live your life.

Sad truth is, you can't really live your life, once kids are in the picture you are forever tied to the other person.

Correct Part of my situation is not being able to afford the child support until I can get the cash from the house and pay off my debt

Originally Posted by 2000cs

Four Years?

I’d be really pissed this hasn’t been settled already (should have been within weeks of the divorce being finalized). Settle it somehow and end the stress - I would be a fighter and lawyer up, but for the sake of your relationship with the child you might not choose that path.

This is my fault that there was no timeline in the divorce on when this should happen. Just a verbal agreement.

Originally Posted by Gr-Racing

take the 15K L and with the 65k go Buy a new wife with huge tits and a fat ass.. YOLO!!!!

Sign me up

Originally Posted by RickFLM4

What's not clear is what exactly happened with the $30K cash out. There could be different opinions between the two of you on who got that benefit.

I think mistake #1 was doing the refi after divorce. Mistake #2 would be to let this drag out to the point where she gets an attorney in the middle. If you assume the worst that she understands your point and is just trying to screw you out of $15K, are you really willing to go through lawyers to fight over $15K?

I would try to gently get her to see your point, but get it resolved ASAP even if it means taking a haircut on what you believe you are owed and agree with above that documentation settlement is final is important.

The 30g that was pulled from the house went to paying off a debt for the siding we did to the house, all of our cc debt and part of it was what she owed me in the divorce and closing cost.

I have been trying for 4 years to get her to see that selling it is the best way to go but she refuses to make that choice.

So many lessons have been learned from all of this!

This is how I thought it would play out.

I walked away from the home and everything in it so my daughter would not be as affected by the divorce. We would pay off the bills associated with the divorce through the cash out option or the selling of the home. Once the home situation was settle the child support would be paid in full every month but until then we split what ever expenses our child has 50/50.

Well as you can tell this is not what is happening. Trust me I know how badly I fucked up by thinking this way! Her emotions have come into play and this was her original thought on how thing would play out for the refi.......

on the application you will be able to list my name as the loan officer. Once you submit the application, please email me & I would be happy to review your application to determine the remaining documents for your approval. In addition, on your loan summary you will notice that a loan amount of $240,000 means you will receive proceeds of $40,0000 (estimated). If you split the proceeds in half, each party would receive $20,000. Then if you deduct $15,000, your other parties would receive $5,000 (estimated).

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Yet something else to ponder, in the event that things don't go her way with the house; what are the odds that she will use the child support route in order to get revenge? Over the long haul, does the money coming to you from the home outweigh the cost of child support over the next however long until said child is an adult? Just trying to throw options to cover your ass. I ate everything just to walk away. Crippled me financially for 10 years but worth it now that my kids are both of age and I'm now free from any financial obligation to her whatsoever.

I agree with Now_Rudi entirely here. It's the same thing I did. I took it on the chin financially to just get GTFO. Thankfully I was 25 at the time and no kids were involved so the "financial ruin" was limited to taking on $1,000 in credit card debt, trading my MR2 for a Tercel, and taking on a roommate.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by obert

The 30g that was pulled from the house went to paying off a debt for the siding we did to the house, all of our cc debt and part of it was what she owed me in the divorce and closing cost.

Dude, this is messy AF. You are losing $15k in the house transaction because you did a re-fi to lower HER payment and used some of the proceeds of the refi to pay off shared debt, including improvements on the house that SHE will now own. What's more, you are now needing that $65k from your part of the house to pay HER child support to live in your former house with her new man? WTF. I feel for you man, I really do. The thought of cutting a monthly check for child support out of the proceeds of my former house to send it to some dude who is now living in my former house with my former wife and raising my kid. OMG, I need a Xanex just thinking about it. I cant imaging being in your shoes.

You REALLY need to push this along and cut the cord. Whatever the end result is, at least it will be done and you can just get on with your life.

[obert]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Dude, this is messy AF. You are losing $15k in the house transaction because you did a re-fi to lower HER payment and used some of the proceeds of the refi to pay off shared debt, including improvements on the house that SHE will now own. What's more, you are now needing that $65k from your part of the house to pay HER child support to live in your former house with her new man? WTF. I feel for you man, I really do. The thought of cutting a monthly check for child support out of the proceeds of my former house to send it to some dude who is now living in my former house with my former wife and raising my kid. OMG, I need a Xanex just thinking about it. I cant imaging being in your shoes.

You REALLY need to push this along and cut the cord. Whatever the end result is, at least it will be done and you can just get on with your life.

Trust me I was about to have a mental break down yesterday trying to deal with this and no I am in limbo waiting for her to take the next step.

Now she is demanding i get my stuff out of the garage so he can use it. I currently live in a studio and have no place to put it.

This is why I have reached out for some advise

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Dude, this is messy AF. You are losing $15k in the house transaction because you did a re-fi to lower HER payment and used some of the proceeds of the refi to pay off shared debt, including improvements on the house that SHE will now own. What's more, you are now needing that $65k from your part of the house to pay HER child support to live in your former house with her new man? WTF. I feel for you man, I really do. The thought of cutting a monthly check for child support out of the proceeds of my former house to send it to some dude who is now living in my former house with my former wife and raising my kid. OMG, I need a Xanex just thinking about it. I cant imaging being in your shoes.

You REALLY need to push this along and cut the cord. Whatever the end result is, at least it will be done and you can just get on with your life.

Just go - RUN! The longer you stay tied to this, the worse it will get. No use in getting into the what you should have done scenarios. And DO NOT MOVE INTO THAT HOUSE WITH HER.....

[obert]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Just go - RUN! The longer you stay tied to this, the worse it will get. No use in getting into the what you should have done scenarios. And DO NOT MOVE INTO THAT HOUSE WITH HER.....

In here mind she gets to keep her portion of the equity in the home, take half of my cash out and then take another 15g from my cash out for the previous refi and give me what is left.

I had to explain to her that my cash out does not involve her taking half of it for her self. This is the type of thinking I am dealing with from her

Basically she feel's me getting 5g and her getting the house is how it should go.

[hooligan_G01]

Talk to an attorney to find out what your realistic options are.

Is it going to be cheaper to take the losses on the house or fight her and then deal with the child support?

What she *thinks* the math should be is irrelevant. What do the laws of your state say the math should be.

[obert]

Originally Posted by hooligan_COLD

Talk to an attorney to find out what your realistic options are.

Is it going to be cheaper to take the losses on the house or fight her and then deal with the child support?

What she *thinks* the math should be is irrelevant. What do the laws of your state say the math should be.

I agree what she thinks is irrelevant. But trying to convince her of that is

Honestly I am very embarrassed even trying to talk about this because of how badly I have backed myself into a corner

The lawyers I have talked to have told me she could live there forever due to no time line being in the divorce.

[upstatedoc]

wow i thought I got screwed with my divorce








sorry man, just trying to lighten the mood

[obert]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

wow i thought I got screwed with my divorce








sorry man, just trying to lighten the mood

LOL it's all good.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by hooligan_COLD

Talk to an attorney to find out what your realistic options are.

Is it going to be cheaper to take the losses on the house or fight her and then deal with the child support?

What she *thinks* the math should be is irrelevant. What do the laws of your state say the math should be.

While that's true, he's going to have to go through the headache and the expense of proving what the law says.

My opinion is that he keep is civil. Suck it up and take the blow to the ego. "Oh, I'm sorry my stuff is in your way. I can see how that would be a nuisance. Thanks for letting me keep it there this long. Can you give me a week to nail down a storage unit? I'll swing by with a truck next weekend and get it out of there for you." It suck to have to do that. it really does. But lawyer'ing up and fighting is just such a lose-lose for everyone but the lawyers.

[obert]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

While that's true, he's going to have to go through the headache and the expense of proving what the law says.

My opinion is that he keep is civil. Suck it up and take the blow to the ego. "Oh, I'm sorry my stuff is in your way. I can see how that would be a nuisance. Thanks for letting me keep it there this long. Can you give me a week to nail down a storage unit? I'll swing by with a truck next weekend and get it out of there for you." It suck to have to do that. it really does. But lawyer'ing up and fighting is just such a lose-lose for everyone but the lawyers.

I asked for 3 months and she agreed. Not that I need that long but it gives me time to get my stuff out and into storage with out having to do it this weekend.

[hooligan_G01]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

While that's true, he's going to have to go through the headache and the expense of proving what the law says.

My opinion is that he keep is civil. Suck it up and take the blow to the ego. "Oh, I'm sorry my stuff is in your way. I can see how that would be a nuisance. Thanks for letting me keep it there this long. Can you give me a week to nail down a storage unit? I'll swing by with a truck next weekend and get it out of there for you." It suck to have to do that. it really does. But lawyer'ing up and fighting is just such a lose-lose for everyone but the lawyers.

I agree. I'm not suggesting "lawyering up" as an immediate attack. I'm suggesting he get real, hard information about what his possible avenues are and then do the algebra to see which of those routes truly makes the most sense to his bottom line.

Maybe I was a bit unclear in my other post.

[obert]

Originally Posted by hooligan_COLD

I agree. I'm not suggesting "lawyering up" as an immediate attack. I'm suggesting he get real, hard information about what his possible avenues are and then do the algebra to see which of those routes truly makes the most sense to his bottom line.

Maybe I was a bit unclear in my other post.

No worries I understood

Basically I have nothing to hold over her head but the threat of me moving back into the house if she gets nasty about things. And that really is not a threat

As it sits now she is saying we need to wait until the end of this year for her to be able to qualify to cash me out. So now I wait

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by hooligan_COLD

I agree. I'm not suggesting "lawyering up" as an immediate attack. I'm suggesting he get real, hard information about what his possible avenues are and then do the algebra to see which of those routes truly makes the most sense to his bottom line.

Maybe I was a bit unclear in my other post.

Got it. I misunderstood. Agreed, knowing your options and angels is critical.

My wife and I got into a dust-up with her current landlord when we were moving her medical practice to a new building. In short, the build out went $100k over the contractually agreed upon price. He wanted us to cover 100% of that. We got a real-estate attorney who looked a the contract and said "you guys win this every time in court." Great! Gave that to the future landlord and he he said "Yeah, your lawyer is probably right. But I'll fight you in court. I'll drag this out for years. Ultimately you will prevail but you will have spent years fighting me and meanwhile your current location is scheduled for demolition so you're pretty much F'd. How about we split it 50/50 and get you into the space ASAP." Talk about honesty. Wow. He was totally right. We took the deal and it's been fine since. Point being, the law was on our side, we spent the money to understand that, but it still didn't matter in the end. The one with leverage usually wins and in this case it sounds like the OP's ex wife holds all the chips.

[obert]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Got it. I misunderstood. Agreed, knowing your options and angels is critical.

My wife and I got into a dust-up with her current landlord when we were moving her medical practice to a new building. In short, the build out went $100k over the contractually agreed upon price. He wanted us to cover 100% of that. We got a real-estate attorney who looked a the contract and said "you guys win this every time in court." Great! Gave that to the future landlord and he he said "Yeah, your lawyer is probably right. But I'll fight you in court. I'll drag this out for years. Ultimately you will prevail but you will have spent years fighting me and meanwhile your current location is scheduled for demolition so you're pretty much F'd. How about we split it 50/50 and get you into the space ASAP." Talk about honesty. Wow. He was totally right. We took the deal and it's been fine since. Point being, the law was on our side, we spent the money to understand that, but it still didn't matter in the end. The one with leverage usually wins and in this case it sounds like the OP's ex wife holds all the chips.

Correct

So I guess my best option is to just wait and get my stuff out of the garage and hope she follows through with the cash out or even better agrees to just sell the place.

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by obert

No worries I understood

Basically I have nothing to hold over her head but the threat of me moving back into the house if she gets nasty about things. And that really is not a threat

As it sits now she is saying we need to wait until the end of this year for her to be able to qualify to cash me out. So now I wait

Moving back in makes me think of this movie, but we all know how that ended.

[hooligan_G01]

Originally Posted by obert

No worries I understood

Basically I have nothing to hold over her head but the threat of me moving back into the house if she gets nasty about things. And that really is not a threat

As it sits now she is saying we need to wait until the end of this year for her to be able to qualify to cash me out. So now I wait

There was nothing in your divorce decision addressing the division of assets?

[obert]

Originally Posted by hooligan_COLD

There was nothing in your divorce decision addressing the division of assets?

The only real asset we had was the house but there is no timeline on when the cash out needs to be done or the house needing to be sold.