New Ytest
Sign out
Bimmerpost
Login
BMW E39 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read  
Go Back   BMW E39 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      09-14-2020, 11:51 AM   #45
Alfisti
Brigadier General
6453
Rep
3,009
Posts

 
Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Biggest error i see are parents who refuse to divide and conquer and do EVERYTHING together. All this does is leave you both utterly gassed and stressed, we all need some time to unwind. Again, once she has healed and jnr is feeding well I have no idea why the man wakes 3 times a night to breast feed a baby, what so you can do his daiper? Why? She is up regardless. Get some sleep, good sleep and when you get home from work, kiss the wife, grab the baby, do the dishes, make dinner etc and send the wife to run a bath and chill for a couple hours because you have the energy.

Instead you walk in like a fucking zombie and she is a zombie and shit hits the fan.
Appreciate 3
TboneS54989.50
King Rudi13152.00
      09-14-2020, 12:01 PM   #46
MPOWER5266
Major
4750
Rep
1,189
Posts

 
Drives: 1997 Dinan m3
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Ga

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
Biggest error i see are parents who refuse to divide and conquer and do EVERYTHING together. All this does is leave you both utterly gassed and stressed, we all need some time to unwind. Again, once she has healed and jnr is feeding well I have no idea why the man wakes 3 times a night to breast feed a baby, what so you can do his daiper? Why? She is up regardless. Get some sleep, good sleep and when you get home from work, kiss the wife, grab the baby, do the dishes, make dinner etc and send the wife to run a bath and chill for a couple hours because you have the energy.

Instead you walk in like a fucking zombie and she is a zombie and shit hits the fan.
My wife and I have worked out that she will take the night shift since she works from home and has more time to sleep during the day. I'll handle the morning stuff before work and when I get home up until about 10. I hope this works out.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 12:04 PM   #47
fiveohwblow
Major
fiveohwblow's Avatar
United_States
3633
Rep
1,397
Posts

 
Drives: F15, E46 & M3, F82
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Desert SW

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MPOWER5266 View Post
My wife and I have worked out that she will take the night shift since she works from home and has more time to sleep during the day. I'll handle the morning stuff before work and when I get home up until about 10. I hope this works out.
Another good practice we implemented when things normalized was giving each other the "night out" once a week. Have her go to happy hour with the friends or you to the movies with some buddies, whatever it may be. Not too much, but enough to maintain contact with the real world and sanity to boot. Just something that helped us
Appreciate 1
wdb4673.00
      09-14-2020, 12:06 PM   #48
MPOWER5266
Major
4750
Rep
1,189
Posts

 
Drives: 1997 Dinan m3
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Ga

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by fiveohwblow View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPOWER5266 View Post
My wife and I have worked out that she will take the night shift since she works from home and has more time to sleep during the day. I'll handle the morning stuff before work and when I get home up until about 10. I hope this works out.
Another good practice we implemented when things normalized was giving each other the "night out" once a week. Have her go to happy hour with the friends or you to the movies with some buddies, whatever it may be. Not too much, but enough to maintain contact with the real world and sanity to boot. Just something that helped us
I'll be happy if I can just go wash my car once in a while. It would be nice to grab a cigar with my buddies though.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 12:16 PM   #49
zx10guy
Brigadier General
5139
Rep
3,235
Posts

 
Drives: 2013 135i
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: DC

iTrader: (0)

The divide and conquer is all well and good if your other half is willing to cooperate. My situation involved a total control freak. She had to have complete control over our daughter. Whatever anyone did wasn't good enough. She would literally take my head off if I did something minor or something she didn't like. An example was when she asked me to watch our daughter. I was happy to do so. When she came back she saw I was holder our daughter while working on my laptop. The crime? I had the nerve to respond to emails while I was working from home. Mind you our daughter was asleep and content. She literally drove herself crazy because she had to be in control over everything. She wouldn't let our daughter cry at night. Every little peep out of our daughter she was up. Other parents and even the pediatrician said it's fine to let our baby cry but just to monitor our baby to ensure she doesn't hyperventilate or choke.

On the night out thing. Yeah, did that too. She asked to hang out with her friends. No problem. I stayed home with our baby. That was once a month. Which then morphed to once every two weeks, then every week, then multiple times during the week. I kept a log of all the times she ran out. And to complete the above picture I presented of her controlling nature, she decided I wasn't to be trusted to have our daughter alone. So she would run off to her mothers to leave our daughter there while she went out clubbing. I had to spend over a year after the separation to repair the damage she created between my daughter and me.

While what I'm stating with my situation is extreme, it's a cautionary tale of how things can spin out of control quickly if you don't keep your eyes open and clamp down on it early. Don't be me.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
We might not be in an agreement on Trump, but I'll be the first penis chaser here to say I'll rather take it up in the ass than to argue with you on this.
Appreciate 1
SYT_Shadow11421.00
      09-14-2020, 12:23 PM   #50
wdb
dances with roads
wdb's Avatar
4673
Rep
4,090
Posts

 
Drives: '07 E86, '02 996, '95 Seven
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: the perimeter

iTrader: (4)

zx10guy I think you need to start the 'Divorced/Evil Partner Rant Thread'.

I am a divorced dad, single parent for over 10 years. It was all a long time ago. The divorce was a cinch, all I had to do was pay for the entire thing and let my ex refuse to sign the paperwork until our state law (blessedly) let me off the hook by default. The custody battle was a war. Being a single parent was a huge load to bear.

Blah blah blah. I look back and what I really remember is how great it was -- and still is -- to be a dad.
Appreciate 3
MPOWER52664750.00
zx10guy5139.00
nyalpine907384.50
      09-14-2020, 12:31 PM   #51
MPOWER5266
Major
4750
Rep
1,189
Posts

 
Drives: 1997 Dinan m3
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Ga

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by zx10guy View Post
The divide and conquer is all well and good if your other half is willing to cooperate. My situation involved a total control freak. She had to have complete control over our daughter. Whatever anyone did wasn't good enough. She would literally take my head off if I did something minor or something she didn't like. An example was when she asked me to watch our daughter. I was happy to do so. When she came back she saw I was holder our daughter while working on my laptop. The crime? I had the nerve to respond to emails while I was working from home. Mind you our daughter was asleep and content. She literally drove herself crazy because she had to be in control over everything. She wouldn't let our daughter cry at night. Every little peep out of our daughter she was up. Other parents and even the pediatrician said it's fine to let our baby cry but just to monitor our baby to ensure she doesn't hyperventilate or choke.

On the night out thing. Yeah, did that too. She asked to hang out with her friends. No problem. I stayed home with our baby. That was once a month. Which then morphed to once every two weeks, then every week, then multiple times during the week. I kept a log of all the times she ran out. And to complete the above picture I presented of her controlling nature, she decided I wasn't to be trusted to have our daughter alone. So she would run off to her mothers to leave our daughter there while she went out clubbing. I had to spend over a year after the separation to repair the damage she created between my daughter and me.

While what I'm stating with my situation is extreme, it's a cautionary tale of how things can spin out of control quickly if you don't keep your eyes open and clamp down on it early. Don't be me.
Oof man, thats rough. I dont think my wife and I will have that issue. Neither of us were out clubbing even in our early 20's. I will just be happy if my buddies can come hang out and shoot the shit in the garage on a Friday night and she would love having her girl friends over for some wine on the deck.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 02:11 PM   #52
Darth One
drunk poster
Darth One's Avatar
United_States
6613
Rep
3,649
Posts

 
Drives: M4 GTS | E46 M3
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: FL

iTrader: (0)

Boy this thread got introspective and deep.

I came here expecting to laugh at stupid shit that wives and husbands put each other through
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 03:08 PM   #53
Alfisti
Brigadier General
6453
Rep
3,009
Posts

 
Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Little knows fact, far all the bleating by every group bar middle aged men, the biggest killer of under 50 year old men is suicide. There's pressure coming from somewhere.
Appreciate 1
HFW0035664.50
      09-14-2020, 03:13 PM   #54
Joekerr
Banned
7926
Rep
1,923
Posts

 
Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
Little knows fact, far all the bleating by every group bar middle aged men, the biggest killer of under 50 year old men is suicide. There's pressure coming from somewhere.
"We all get a little sad sometimes" - Jim Jeffries on his gun control bit.

Which was hilarious. Just a shame its broken up into Part 1 and Part 2 on most Youtube videos, have to look to find them together.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 03:25 PM   #55
Alfisti
Brigadier General
6453
Rep
3,009
Posts

 
Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

It is HILARIOUS but would cause 80% members here to choke on their breakfast of cornflakes and glock ammunition.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 03:56 PM   #56
UncleWede
Long Time Admirer, First Time Owner
UncleWede's Avatar
United_States
17876
Rep
9,376
Posts

 
Drives: G01 X3 M40i Dark Graphite
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Oxnard, CA

iTrader: (0)

It's not for everyone, but we slept with the baby between us. When he woke up and was hungry, wife just rolled over and put a nipple in his mouth. I think she rolled him out of bed once, but we never squished him. *I* on the other hand dropped him out of a shopping cart onto cement floors, TWICE, in the SAME TRIP. I also punched a hole in the wall when I got home.

I was STILL exhausted for about 2 years. Thank God my wife's aunt was available to babysit, she had a few of the cousins all together. I teased her for quite a while that she signed up until he was 18.

Later this month he turns 21, and I'm still tired. Turns out maybe it wasn't the kid, he hasn't been in our bed for about 9 years . . .
Appreciate 2
MPOWER52664750.00
      09-14-2020, 04:25 PM   #57
Colodano
First Lieutenant
131
Rep
310
Posts

 
Drives: 2010 X5M
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Co

iTrader: (0)

Dad to a 5 yr old, and since I have been separated from my wife for almost 3 years now, she has split the time between us, in different countries. Since covid happened on her time, I have seen my daughter a total of 10 days so far this year in person.

That is tough, even with lots of video chats and phone calls. I am still in the loop on everything, I get all the contact info from her school and such, and it has all been to provide as solid and grounded a rearing for her, even if we aren't always together.

When she was born, I would take plenty of the night time wake-ups, unless she needed food, to let my wife rest since she had her all day. We did wean her into her own crib pretty early, and that helped a lot, but the first 3 months were still very minimal sleep for us both, as I was also finishing the lacrosse season, so that kept me at practice or games 3-4 nights a week until late. I took most of the year paternity leave that I could take in Canada, and she went back to work at about 4 months, so I got lots of the young stage moments, standing, walking, first words etc. It was great fun, and I am so glad I had those times. Now it's hard when I see how many milestones she is hitting, writing sentences, reading, memorizing names, numbers, home address etc. At least I get to be there on the phone for some of it...
Putting your own mental health first can be tough, and I let it slide for a few years. Getting better now, and I love my daughter more than anything in the world.
Appreciate 1
wdb4673.00
      09-14-2020, 04:35 PM   #58
Merlin_83
Merlin
Merlin_83's Avatar
United_States
471
Rep
730
Posts

 
Drives: 2012 BMW M3 6MT w/ZCP
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United States

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2012 BMW M3 ZCP  [0.00]
2008 BMW 335i  [0.00]
2008 BMW 335xi  [0.00]
Ha! Finally a forum post I can really relate to. Dad of twin boys, they are 17 now, and wow!! they are very different people. They are fraternal, not identical. And one is a real handful to keep 'in-line' and the other is the proverbial 'parent-pleaser' he's always behaving and doing good stuff.

But I will tell all the new dads out there, it goes by so quickly. Take lots of pictures, hug your kids often, tell them you love them always. Enforce 'right and wrong' from day one. Meaning don't let stuff slide, if someone did something wrong then apologize and own the mistake.

And for boys - get them in sports, sports, sports - before stupid COVID our boys were on a wild ride of lacrosse practice, conditioning, weight training, and more lacrosse practice.

Since they were age 5 they have always been in sports. Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Football - you gotta run them hard like the wild horses they are to keep them in-line and get them too exhausted to fight each other. Closing note: I love my sons more than anything else in the world, they can be buggers sometimes, but they are the best.


Cheers,
Merlin
__________________


2012 E92 M3 ZCP | 2008 E90 335xi | 2008 E90 335i |
Appreciate 3
TboneS54989.50
King Rudi13152.00
MPOWER52664750.00
      09-14-2020, 04:43 PM   #59
Alfisti
Brigadier General
6453
Rep
3,009
Posts

 
Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

Not judging but i would avoid the kid sleeping in your bed at ALL costs, it's a road to massive pain. HIGHLY recommend sleep raining at 6 to 8 months.
Appreciate 1
Noneya251.50
      09-14-2020, 04:49 PM   #60
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by jpy1980 View Post
I never seen this type of thread before so I'll start.

I just had my second kid during this pandemic and man oh man is it tiring!

I also have a 3 year old who discovered the lovely task of waking up in the middle of the night to drag me out of bed onto their bed. I haven't had a good nights rest since June!

PLUS WE ARE STUCK AT HOME ALL DAY EVERY DAY DUE TO THIS PANDEMIC!

Also, I want a truck but my wife says no! BAH! I can't have my F80 and a truck because "that's wasteful"

Please guys, commiserate with me so I can feel better! =P

CHEERS!
I got lots to say... but I also get you but this shit isn't a gender thing. It's more like being overwhelmed by life thing.

Bad news: you'll be sleeping well when the kids hit the age of 5. It'll last for a year, then you can just kiss that old life goodbye again. The bad news is that most women can't do shit like what i did. Can your wife take a month off and hit the road? If she can, trust me, life will get easier.

Parenting sucks. Everyone sane here tells you it will get harder and harder. We all while telling you that just forget the beautiful moments, the tiny seconds before hell breaks lose again and those few seconds even miles apart makes it all worth it.

I'm going to end this post by quoting my old drill sergeant. he very kindly and not at all in front of everyone (only 130 guys watching) told me why learning how to do pushups his way would be good for me.

"Failing is an option. People do it all the time."
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 04:52 PM   #61
Alfisti
Brigadier General
6453
Rep
3,009
Posts

 
Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada

iTrader: (0)

No way it gets harder, age 0-1 is 10 times harder than age 4 to 5 for example. Waking every 3 hrs is just absolutely gutting, and the RELENTLESS crying.
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 04:57 PM   #62
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
No way it gets harder, age 0-1 is 10 times harder than age 4 to 5 for example. Waking every 3 hrs is just absolutely gutting, and the RELENTLESS crying.
My babies slept straight through the night, thenlearned how to read at ages like 1 year and 10months . I used to babysit a heroin baby for 18hours per day so i know about the crying shit too. In my opinion, when they learn to talk and to walk, when your influence starts showing, then you're fucked.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-14-2020, 05:05 PM   #63
TboneS54
YNWA
TboneS54's Avatar
United_States
990
Rep
792
Posts

 
Drives: 2004 M3 6spd & 2011 M3 DCT
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (2)

Sleep training for the win. Don't give in.

Discipline from the beginning even before they really grasp it. More about modelling behavior.

All food has been non-gmo, organic, cooked from raw every single day. It's exhausting, but he's so strong, smart and healthy.

Greatest trick I've learned so far is to explain what I'm about to do (they get it even if you don't think they will lol). He's got fomo & it stops the crying and let's him get back to playing or whatever.

Talking and reading books in a foreign language. Numbers, letters & color exercises earlier than what might be suggested. Doesn't have to be heavy. Kids will rise to the level you set.

Please & thank you every. single. time.

Say hello and say the person's name for greetings every. single. time.

Back to the point about fomo, asking them to "help" you carry something or whatever, even a piece of paper, make them feel involved, they love it. It's so easy to just do it yourself. Patience sucks but ya, slow down and involve them.

Run them, have them climb over couch cushions, whatever, tire them out!
__________________
/// 2004 Silvergrey M3 · Coupe · 6MT · Slicktop · zero options
/// 2011 Jerez/Bamboo E90 M3 · DCT · Slicktop · IG: @na.s54
Appreciate 3
King Rudi13152.00
Lups11819.50
      09-14-2020, 05:08 PM   #64
floridaorange
Colonel
floridaorange's Avatar
United_States
10015
Rep
2,658
Posts

 
Drives: 2013 bmw 320i xdrive
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: orlando, fl

iTrader: (1)

^I'm on board with 100% of that. Well said.
__________________
Stage 2 BM3

Quote:
Originally Posted by GrussGott View Post
Sounds pizzagatey.
Appreciate 1
TboneS54989.50
      09-14-2020, 05:10 PM   #65
TboneS54
YNWA
TboneS54's Avatar
United_States
990
Rep
792
Posts

 
Drives: 2004 M3 6spd & 2011 M3 DCT
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (2)

It's fresh! I'm in the shit right now
__________________
/// 2004 Silvergrey M3 · Coupe · 6MT · Slicktop · zero options
/// 2011 Jerez/Bamboo E90 M3 · DCT · Slicktop · IG: @na.s54
Appreciate 0
      09-16-2020, 05:22 PM   #66
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by King Rudi View Post
Being a parent is tiring all the way around sir. Mine are 20 and 21. I wished that someone had told me before kids that (most) marriages don't last and that kids give not a single shit about the hell you go through, as a parent, to feed, clothe, educate and instill good morals. I love my boys more than life itself, but amazes me at how they care not for the sacrifices made for them...no matter how great or how insignificant.

In reality, wrap your arms around those little shits and enjoy every second you can with them. The next 15-18 years is going to fly by. Then you'll still be tired......and wish they were the size they are now. Each age comes with it's own challenges. Something else no one ever told me, being a parent is more of the kids teaching you to be a parent that you teaching your kids a damn thing. Enjoy the ride, it will be bumpy....but also very rewarding.
This.

This, all of it.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 1
King Rudi13152.00
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:02 PM.




5post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST