The fart thread

[MsGoGoMoto]

I'm sitting here awake in bed with red bloodshot eyes from a rough night's sleep, in a big ball of evil diddling around in here before eating breakfast and going to work.

I need advice. I need to know a good food combination that will allow me to dish out the most nastiest, heated, longest, stinkiest farts over a 5 hour period. I don't care if I suffer from the craps the next day.

Last night, I got hit over and over again with back to back Dutch ovens, then felt the bed go up and down from silent laughter when I huffed and kicked the sheets to 'burp' the fart away. A/C was set on 68 on purpose, and he knows I like to sleep with my head under the blankets or cling on to him when cold.

He woke up all bright-eyed and chipper knowing what he did… now in the kitchen whistling and running the Keurig. If I ask him what he ate, he'll know he got to me and won. Come on guys, this isn't fair.

[Dpc2u]

Hahahaha...... Kidney beans and mushrooms. lock, load and let it rip.

:

Come to think of it, I remember emptying a room when I was a kid after my grandmother made fried potatoes and onions and whatever else she tossed in there. It was rank!

[Tommy-G]

Can hubby make an account here too????

I don't know specifically what does it for me

[Murf993]

Pickled eggs, and pickled kolbassa and beer......but don't forget the old adage, never trust a fart.

[Fakemike]

Cabbage and onions seems to get me.

I went to an Indian food buffet and it almost got me kicked out of the bedroom that night.

[nyalpine90]

taco bell or white castle

[zx10guy]

If you're lactose intolerant, I'd get a tall order of a milk shake and then let 'er rip. I have some lactose intolerance and I know after a milk shake or heavy ice cream, I'm blowing up the room.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by MsGoGoMoto

I'm sitting here awake in bed with red bloodshot eyes from a rough night's sleep, in a big ball of evil diddling around in here before eating breakfast and going to work.

I need advice. I need to know a good food combination that will allow me to dish out the most nastiest, heated, longest, stinkiest farts over a 5 hour period. I don't care if I suffer from the craps the next day.

Last night, I got hit over and over again with back to back Dutch ovens, then felt the bed go up and down from silent laughter when I huffed and kicked the sheets to 'burp' the fart away. A/C was set on 68 on purpose, and he knows I like to sleep with my head under the blankets or cling on to him when cold.

He woke up all bright-eyed and chipper knowing what he did… now in the kitchen whistling and running the Keurig. If I ask him what he ate, he'll know he got to me and won. Come on guys, this isn't fair.

How is it that you suffer uncontrollably as a Dutch Oven victim? Just do what my wife does. Dutch oven = dick punch. She did that to me back in about 2002 and hasnt been tossed in the oven since.

[frchdragon]

I get it: recipe for a long marriage is Payback :-)

I am horrified if I fart in bed... But maybe being so comfortable with your significant other that you can rip a big one and not care about the outcome is the secret...
What do I know.

[3.0L]

Broccoli. Lots of broccoli.

[Finn Germai-Yaz]

1 Shot Glass of Apple Cider Vinegar
1 Shot Glass of Fish Sauce
1 Cap of 5WD40
Boil half a gallon of water and put a homeless person's underwear from Las Vegas in it.
Get a nasogastric tube (NG tube) and shot gun it.

[erickonphoenix]

I'd recommend 16 oz of red beans and rice and a six pack of Budweiser. But be advised, your gas malady may last a week instead of a few hours.

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by frchdragon

I get it: recipe for a long marriage is Payback :-)

I am horrified if I fart in bed... But maybe being so comfortable with your significant other that you can rip a big one and not care about the outcome is the secret...
What do I know.

No, I'm with you...been with my wife 16 yrs and I wouldn't do it. But I'm just not that kind of guy...I wouldn't do it with a car full of dudes either

[MsGoGoMoto]

Thanks for everyone who replied! Tired AF.
Drank boatloads of coffee and now I'm peeing away my life. That N's going to pay tonight. Just downed the deviled eggs and granola. Now going for the fish. I can feel it already! We are supposed to go to dinner and have a lovely evening, But I plan on blowing it up melting plastic, chair cushions and burn nasal hair. I don't give a crap about collateral damage and how embarrassed things get around other people, everyone's going to suffer today because I'm sleepy and cranky!

[Darth One]

May I recommend casein protein powder?

[upstatedoc]

This all sounds so sadistic and premeditated. Why not just drop a deuce on his head when he sleeping?

[premier3is]

Here we go again….

[Darth One]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

This all sounds so sadistic and premeditated. Why not just drop a deuce on his head when he sleeping?

All it takes is a little overconfidence in her sphincter control, and she’d be doing exactly that…

[MsGoGoMoto]

Oh my god.
I think I over did it.
We caught an Uber to go to dinner so we can drink. At the bar dishing out some absolutely nasty bombs.
I'm next to my husband, who's nostrils are so wide from sniffing farts he looks like a white John Amos.
I can barely type this in secret right now..

Smell that?
Shrong with this place? Smells like rotten eggs!

Frrj c the. It's meeee. And I thing the bartender knows. Go to gooo

[Sara]

What the fart….

[1MOREMOD]

I've officially been complained about at work today about shitting myself a bit too often. I need to be away from people its a cry for help.

[upstatedoc]

Get some depends. They're in aisle two.