Help me on breaking up

[///M Power-Belgium]

There's a lot of fish in the sea..

[Needbmwpartzz]

Originally Posted by ///M Power-Belgium

There's a lot of fish in the sea..

Oh my.....some of them fish are...beautiful

Get the picture

[3tekcorps]

You need to block her number and cut cold turkey on this one. You can't stay friends or text her now and then. Every time you're both sitting home lonely you're going to get back with her for a week and start the cycle again.

90 days cold turkey and find something new to hang out with.

[AW335TT]

How'd you stay with someone who cheated on you early on?

[3tekcorps]

Originally Posted by Nkc

Literally yank yourself out. Whenever you think about her or miss her, put on some porn and go to town with yourself. Rinse and repeat till symptoms are gone. Then go find yourself another girl.

Yeah.. Do this and block her number.

I just checked and there's 10,000 single women in your age range who don't want to date douche bags.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by SheaButter

Apparently the OP didn't want to hit the beach with an M3 stranger, haha! Maybe I should have included a bunch of the gorgeous eligible bachelorettes I know

haha I'll actually be out in San Diego for 8 weeks this summer. I will definitely hit you up brotha, appreciate it

Originally Posted by AW335TT

How'd you stay with someone who cheated on you early on?

Stupidity; thinking that something about her cheating vs. other girls cheating would be different; feeling that she was genuinely remorseful; forcing myself to ignore it.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Nkc

Literally yank yourself out. Whenever you think about her or miss her, put on some porn and go to town with yourself. Rinse and repeat till symptoms are gone. Then go find yourself another girl.

Hahaha, I actually hesitated before using that word! I shouldn't be surprised it's you who had to say something

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Hahaha, I actually hesitated before using that word! I shouldn't be surprised it's you who had to say something

Sounds like an everyday plan for most people on here, or so I've heard.

[EALm4]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Sounds like an everyday plan for most people on here, or so I've heard.

done it twice since I clicked reply to the post

[Taskmaster]

Ha, been there done that dude.

Simple things to do if you're serious:

Cut her off completely
Focus on yourself, and making yourself better (think gym)
Hobbies. Get involved with them.
Hang out with yout friends

And most importantly, time.

Trust me, you'll come out of this a stronger, better man . Which is what this is really about.

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by EALm4

done it twice since I clicked reply to the post

Must be 12

[shoei]

How's the age old saying go?

"Never make someone a priority that only makes you an option..."

It's your first serious relationship so I get need to hold on, but the entire cheating thing? You may forgive but you'll never forget... Keeping tabs on her and always questioning her won't help the situation either... It's time to move on, as you have and you'll end up in a better place... No relationship will be better than the one you were in... Just, don't go into another relationship punishing them for the actions of the ex... Seen that happen quite frequently...

Just let it go, not worth your time, effort and energy... You're on the internet talking about it with some strangers - chances are it's consuming your life already... Good luck, op...

[C5driver]

Originally Posted by smoosh

I figured why not reach out for help here.

Late to the party and all, but everyone is spot on.

Here's what I came to say...it's not her, it's you.

You need to find, buy, or borrow a spine and evaluate what part of you lacks so much confidence that would have you running back for more abuse. You need some help.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by C5driver

You need to find, buy, or borrow a spine and evaluate what part of you lacks so much confidence that would have you running back for more abuse. You need some help.

I'm introverted. Extremely introverted. I don't let people into my life easily. I keep myself reserved. I focus on my goals. I follow my routine day in and day out. I let that woman into my life and she became part of my routine. Every thing I did on a daily basis was followed strictly to what comforts me; talking to her every morning and every night was one routine. Hanging out with her on weekends was another routine.

It's hard to let that go without a blink and recover immediately. I perform best when I follow a procedure which I set out to follow beforehand. She was a huge part of my daily procedure.

[C5driver]

Originally Posted by smoosh

I'm introverted. Extremely introverted. I don't let people into my life easily. I keep myself reserved. I focus on my goals. I follow my routine day in and day out. I let that woman into my life and she became part of my routine. Every thing I did on a daily basis was followed strictly to what comforts me; talking to her every morning and every night was one routine. Hanging out with her on weekends was another routine.

It's hard to let that go without a blink and recover immediately. I perform best when I follow a procedure which I set out to follow beforehand. She was a huge part of my daily procedure.

Don't repeat bad behavior. Analyze, change, move on, be better.

But I'm totally serious...it's you, not her. Think about that.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by smoosh

I'm introverted. Extremely introverted. I don't let people into my life easily. I keep myself reserved. I focus on my goals. I follow my routine day in and day out. I let that woman into my life and she became part of my routine. Every thing I did on a daily basis was followed strictly to what comforts me; talking to her every morning and every night was one routine. Hanging out with her on weekends was another routine.

It's hard to let that go without a blink and recover immediately. I perform best when I follow a procedure which I set out to follow beforehand. She was a huge part of my daily procedure.

I get it. I'm an introvert too and actually, a large majority on this forum are (I even did a poll). But you have to step out of your box and shake things up in your life or you will get depressed.

[SheaButter]

[QUOTE=smoosh;19433831]haha I'll actually be out in San Diego for 8 weeks this summer. I will definitely hit you up brotha, appreciate it

Oh sweet, sounds good man! I'll make sure to put together a big beach crew. I'm sure you'll be over all of the ex gf stuff by then, but it'll still be a freaking blast. And i'll open it up to other M people on this forum, some of which I have already met.

[Aatish]

What C5 is saying should be taken into consideration.

I was in a similar situation about 1.5 years ago. I'm a relatively low key guy, who hit it off with a seemingly perfect girl.

Girl ended up getting another dude over me out of the blue, though I still had feelings. Every couple of weeks she'd contact me, give me a glimmer of hope that maybe things would go back to normal, and then stomp on said glimmer with a social media post or something. That shit fucked with me really bad, affecting work and social life in general.

Took me about a year to realize that it wasn't the girls fault for all that shit, it was my own. She wasn't controlling my life; I was letting her control my life. She wasn't posting photos to tempt me, I was looking them up myself as relief. She wasn't the one trying to flirt, I was. Etc etc.

If you keep saying she's the cause of all this, well shit she will forever be the cause of it. It's a never ending excuse.

However, if you truly point the blame on yourself, that'll really get you out of this process.

[1MOREMOD]

Mind blown

[n54SQUAD]

Drive

[ksa]

You got to be cold turkey and just do it. We've all been there and some of us more sensitive and emotional in these matters but everyone is strong enough to know when something isn't good for you. Just have to go cold turkey and tell yourself that things will only get better. Just got to have faith. After a few weeks or months, get out there and meet new people and eventually it'll all be a distant memory. Keep your head up and stay strong man. The fact that she cheated on you once already should tell you about her character and that's something you can just never put behind or get outta your head completely.

[NEFARIOUS]

I may not have the experience to REALLY quantify myself as an expert on dating/relationships (as most other OT people know)... But I have seen plenty of real-life examples of what works and what doesn't in my life plenty of times to be able to give this advice.

I know it has been said in many different times and ways in this thread, but here's my reiteration: I'm old-fashioned and a die-hard romantic, so individual results may vary.

First and foremost, relationships are all about trust. If you have to feel guarded, paranoid or even frequently have a slight tinge of doubt cross your mind about the status in your relationship, that's called bullshit. Cheating is NEVER OK... Maybe less frowned upon if she's with another girl and plans on giving you a threesome or you're in an open relationship with all parties consenting and acknowledging to this type of relationship, but those are all completely different stories.

In Spanish there's a saying: "sufres porque quieres", or "you suffer because you want to". Finding out that your exclusive girlfriend is not exclusive after all is a pretty devastating blow, but to continue it despite knowing this is the definition of prolonging your suffering.

Second, I understand that she's your first love, but sometimes the first of everything isn't necessarily the best, which at best can be used for a stepping stone towards something bigger and better. For example: I can't complain much about my first car and there were of course its shortfalls, but I've driven some much better cars since then. Going back to what you said:

Originally Posted by smoosh

I guess its more of a comfort factor than anything else. Just knowing that I can look forward to the weekend and spending it with her, and chatting with her during a stressful week, etc.

Well, just about any respectable woman has those qualities... What about a great cook, keeps a clean house, waxes her pubes (at least that's what I like), and lets you do butt stuff, and sucks you off like your mammal sauce can cause world peace (on 2 completely separate nights or at least a thorough shower... I'd barf if a girl does an ATM)?

Third, let's say you're trying to get over a woman and tempted to get back together. My answer? GFTOW or Go Fuck Ten Other Women. It's your hormones that miss her, not necessarily you; it's a mindfuck that testosterone throws at you since you miss her pussy, but it manifests in your brain as her as a person. If you aren't lucky enough to have a fuck buddy or can't score a one-night-stand, fap it out, then reevaluate where things are, and I can almost guarantee that you'd either see less of a reason to take her back.

4. Speaking of which, I've instilled a strict policy since the moment I've started dating in general: If you break up, FINALIZE IT. Put it to sleep like an animal dying of an incurable cancer. DO NOT take ANYBODY back no matter how much they beg and plead; every immediate take-back is ALWAYS a roller-coaster that dips and troughs from the most major things (like cheating) all the way down to being in the middle of your 14th breakup since you forgot to take the trash out, and it sets a precedent for any relationships that come after that whereby you have an endless amount of cycles.

For girls that are worth it (again, cheating is a "NO-DEAL" instant breakup so this doesn't apply), I even have a method if she pulls that shit:

I sternly say to her something like, "I know you want to leave me, but I am giving you a (48 hours-1 week, depending on severity of argument leading up to it) grace period to think about it. If you still feel that breaking up is the only answer, keep in mind we'll be 100% through; I will NEVER take you back, even if we were the last humans alive and we need to repopulate Planet Earth. Otherwise, I suggest you use the word breakup wisely because I won't give you a grace period the next time you say it."

Last but not least, another way to put it: Don't fall for cold shit syndrome.