Help me on breaking up

[RickFLM4]

Unless you like buying her stuff and sticking with her while she sleeps with / tries to sleep with other guys, stop feeling sorry for yourself and trying to think of ways to change her. Stop obsessing over her and move on to other activities and women like you should have a while ago. If that doesn't seem possible, try talk to a therapist.

[SheaButter]

OP I don't want to be offensive to you, so please don't read this in a malicious way.

Nearly all girls that are cheaters, flirty with countless guys, etc. are always looking for attention and she's clearly bored of you. She uses you as her solid home base and undoubtedly loves you to some extent since she keeps coming back. She will never be faithful to you until she starts hitting a brick wall when she goes out (getting older and shut down more frequently by other guys, and ends up wanting that solid home base).

I would also like to add that she'll almost make you feel like you have power when you call her out and she gets on her knees and says she's sorry. But let's be honest, since you keep taking her back, she 100% controls the relationship whether you believe that or not.


The reason I chose to post on this thread is because I absolutely can't stand that feeling of "loss" when it comes to relationships. I'm not sure of your financial status, but if you can afford a ticket to SoCal and want to get away from all that BS for a weekend I'd be more than happy to meetup at the beach and wingman for you anytime man. Anybody that posts humility on something like this clearly isn't a scumbag.

[gtron]

I didn't read all of the replies.

This works with anything you want to get over not just relationships. It sounds silly but every time you start to think about it, yell in your head or out loud if you can "STOP!" and move on to something else. Sounds simple but oddly helps. You will yell "stop" less and less everyday.

Mostly, getting past any loss is just time though.

[Blksnowflake]

Originally Posted by longress

Cut all ties with her. She already knows that you'll be there when she wants a shoulder to cry on because you've taken her back before. Respect yourself and be good to yourself don't allow yourself to be used. Go to the gym, find someone to talk to that you trust. Whatever you do don't talk to her- you're to weak and you'll cave for the sex but the problems are still there. This wasn't meant to be.
Find yourself a friend first (in the next lady) then the romance will come later. Without a solid honest friendship in a relationship you have nothing but a crap load of problems you don't need.

Yeah, I forgot to mention this specifically. Great post but that part specifically is VERY important. And I'll also reinforce the social media connections, no-go. I'd even go a step further as to separate myself from joint associates(only temporarily if associates are close, make excuses as to why you can't) until your wounds are bit more healed and emotionally more stable after moving past her.

If you have any ties to her in the form of her stuff of any sort in your house, pack it up immediately and ship it or have a friend drop it off, no explanation notes or anything. If you've left anything of yours with her, consider it lost at sea.

Keep your mind busy, idle thoughts and daydreams are dangerous, and again remember the pain, not the fleeting pleasure.
Good luck.

[sygazelle]

First, sorry that you are feeling so badly over this situation. It's tough.

I must say I'm really impressed by the feedback shared by other posters. I'm way past my dating years but I remember them well. I, too, had a girlfriend that acted similar to your girlfriend. With good advice from friends, I dropped her like a hot rock. It hurt for a week or two. I dated a couple of times and discovered what others are telling you. There are other fish in the sea. She is not the only one for you. You deserve to be happy and this girl will cause you grief forever if you continue this cycle. Drop her now. For good. No more chances. No makeup sex. No anything. In my case, I found a young woman a couple months later that was beautiful and didn't know it, inside and out. We dated for 5 years and got married. We've been married for 43 years with 2 kids, and 5 grandchildren. It's been an amazing ride, none of which would have happened if I hadn't listened to my friends and dumped that troubled girlfriend.

Move forward. Forget about her. The right one will appear and you will know it when it happens.

Last piece of advice: Instead of getting a girl where you feel you need to buy her $300 shoes that she won't wear, find a woman that will take her shoes off and walk on the beach with you and think its the best time she ever had.

Good luck.

[Mr Tonka]

Keep your mind clean and clear of what happened with this one person in the past. Take what you can learn from this "relationship" and move on.

Letting this past experience ruin your trust level for your next relationship is the worst thing she'll have done.... if you let her.

Remember that women generally (when in a committed long term relationship) cheat for the emotional connection. I emphasized the committed long term relationship because that's not what you were in. A long term committed relationship isn't defined by length of time. It's frame of mind and judging from the information you've disclosed, she was never in it.

If you're 3 months, 6 months, 1 year into a committed relationship and the woman cheats, find another, don't look back. I mean, clearly there is more to this than what has been posted and some of it falls on you to develop personally.

From what you've posted, you seem to be one of the "nice guys finish last" guys. You have to learn how to make things interesting for the woman without being rude and coming off like a pompous ass. A lot of guys fall into this treating girls like shit phase and stay there. Mainly because it works. But it will only work on a certain type of woman. Most of the time it's not a woman you'd be interested in spending your life with.

There is a balance though and again, from what you've posted, you need to play some of that game to build some confidence and self respect. Once you get there (assuming you're a decent looking guy who is reasonably employed) you'll have more women interested in you than you can date. Women flock to confidence, sense of humor, honesty and emotional availability. ESPECIALLY when all in one package that isn't completely hideous looking.

The few women on this forum, some single, some attached, some married all know what they want from a man. And I'd wager that not one of them would date a guy who's last relationship was on again, off again for 18 months with a cheating girlfriend. I'd guess they wouldn't consider it because that type of guy is not enough of a challenge for them to stay interested.

The upside to this is that now is your opportunity to make sure you're NOT that type of guy any longer. Take bimmette 's advice and focus on yourself. Live for you, figure out what you like to do, donate time to charities, get a dog, join some team sports, join a tennis or golf league if thats your game. All these things will go along way to developing independence and confidence. Women respond so much better when they are wanted rather than needed.

Good luck!

Learn from it, don't repeat it.

[M3 Number 86]

You will miss her for a bit. But honestly you shouldn't have taken her back after she cheated on you. She knows this and knows she will take you back so it won't ever stop. Think long term way down the line. You'll be divorced and a bitch like that will try to take ALL of your money. That's not worth it.

If anything, you can still be fuck buddies. I suggest the next time you get with her, you use her, and the next day you draw a hard line and do not ever take her back as a gf.

That sounds messed up but it will change her mentality towards you. Now she knows you won't take her back.

Time will go by and you'll forget about her once you find your real deal lady.

[Delta0311]

I'm 37 and way too old for games.. So my take on your situation is this.. You're on a boat and life is the sea around you.. Let's face it most of the time the sea is stormy and cold, with occasional breaks of blue seas and sunshine.. With that said, pick your crew wisely and most importantly you first mate. If you first mate is ready to jump ship at the first sign of a storm then be ready to toss her ass over board and don't look back. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone (of any kind) that will turn on you at the first sign of trouble? I been in plenty of relationships and believe me this never gets easier.

In your case best thing to do is take bimmette's advice and throw yourself into a hobby.. I deal with situations like this by working out, situations like this just make me workout that much harder.

As far as this chick goes... Let her go and don't even look back.

[Delta0311]

Here is my opinion on the nice guy thing.. You are SUPPOSED to be a nice guy. Being respectful, courteous, polite, honorable are just some basic traits of a good man. If a women prefers a guy who's a scumbag then why the fuck would you want to be with her? A girl like that obviously has some psychological issues and probably needs more counseling then you can ever provide her. And OP, after reading some of the other thins you posted about this chick I have to say that she is a freaking dead end. Nothing positive will come from trying to work things out with her because you will keep finding yourself in this spot over and over again. Take this failed relationship as lesson learned and move on. Don't be fuck buddies because you will NEVER get over her if you establish any sort of contact with her. Intimate contact will make matters even worse because SHE WILL be also fucking other guys and if you have strong feelings for her (and you will continue to) then that shit will just burn you up inside.

[smoosh]

Thank you everyone for the advice. Please keep them coming, I'm learning a lot.

Originally Posted by Delta0311

Here is my opinion on the nice guy thing.. You are SUPPOSED to be a nice guy. Being respectful, courteous, polite, honorable are just some basic traits of a good man. If a women prefers a guy who's a scumbag then why the fuck would you want to be with her? A girl like that obviously has some psychological issues and probably needs more counseling then you can ever provide her. And OP, after reading some of the other thins you posted about this chick I have to say that she is a freaking dead end. Nothing positive will come from trying to work things out with her because you will keep finding yourself in this spot over and over again. Take this failed relationship as lesson learned and move on. Don't be fuck buddies because you will NEVER get over her if you establish any sort of contact with her. Intimate contact will make matters even worse because SHE WILL be also fucking other guys and if you have strong feelings for her (and you will continue to) then that shit will just burn you up inside.

Delta, your two posts have been spot on, thank you. I'm trying my best to restrain from even thinking about having sex with her. Absolutely will not cross that line. Not interested, don't want it.

I guess its more of a comfort factor than anything else. Just knowing that I can look forward to the weekend and spending it with her, and chatting with her during a stressful week, etc. It's definitely the most difficult losing that. Otherwise, I thought she could be emotionally unstable at times, too dependent, manipulative, and, to be frank, terrible at sex [laid there like a dead fish for 20 minutes].

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Thank you everyone for the advice. Please keep them coming, I'm learning a lot.

Delta, your two posts have been spot on, thank you. I'm trying my best to restrain from even thinking about having sex with her. Absolutely will not cross that line. Not interested, don't want it.

I guess its more of a comfort factor than anything else. Just knowing that I can look forward to the weekend and spending it with her, and chatting with her during a stressful week, etc. It's definitely the most difficult losing that. Otherwise, I thought she could be emotionally unstable at times, too dependent, manipulative, and, to be frank, terrible at sex [laid there like a dead fish for 20 minutes].

Well now is the time to yank yourself out of that comfort zone and plan something exciting for next weekend when you foresee yourself being lonely. Maybe go to the track, the shooting range, take a weekend getaway to see that old buddy you lost touch with.
Just don't sit around moping.
And if you need ears about your stressful week, you've got a good bunch right here.

[John 070]

Originally Posted by smoosh

I guess its more of a comfort factor than anything else. Just knowing that I can look forward to the weekend and spending it with her, and chatting with her during a stressful week, etc. It's definitely the most difficult losing that. Otherwise, I thought she could be emotionally unstable at times, too dependent, manipulative, and, to be frank, terrible at sex [laid there like a dead fish for 20 minutes].

We guys are very visual, she's hot, isn't she? Because otherwise, there hasn't been anything positive you have said about this woman. Plus you could accomplish all of the above with a dog and a jar of peanut butter. (Joke my friend always used to say that)

[John 070]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Well now is the time to yank yourself out of that comfort zone and plan something exciting for next weekend when you foresee yourself being lonely. Maybe go to the track, the shooting range, take a weekend getaway to see that old buddy you lost touch with.
Just don't sit around moping.
And if you need ears about your stressful week, you've got a good bunch right here.

Now that's the best advice I've heard on this thread!

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by John 070

We guys are very visual, she's hot, isn't she? Because otherwise, there hasn't been anything positive you have said about this woman. Plus you could accomplish all of the above with a dog and a jar of peanut butter. (Joke my friend always used to say that)

There definitely are many positives about her: she's very fun and outgoing, attractive, always down to just be lazy and watch TV, used to give me many little thoughtful, random gifts, and had a beautiful, genuine smile. Definitely many things about her that I admire and respect. Beautiful voice and I loved calling her just to hear her talk. But if you compare the good and bad...I'd take being genuine and loyal over any of those above things.

Trust me, if my apartment building allowed dogs, I would have 2-3.

[lens]

Originally Posted by smoosh

There definitely are many positives about her: she's very fun and outgoing, attractive, always down to just be lazy and watch TV, used to give me many little thoughtful, random gifts, and had a beautiful, genuine smile. Definitely many things about her that I admire and respect. Beautiful voice and I loved calling her just to hear her talk. But if you compare the good and bad...I'd take being genuine and loyal over any of those above things.

Trust me, if my apartment building allowed dogs, I would have 2-3.

As we can see here, no woman is perfect unfortunately.


But I'm sure you'll find another one like her, maybe not now, but later on, and she'll have the two things you want most.

For now, forget this one and go and explore life, you'll grow from this.

[EL Jeffe 5]

I know you can do Better
Get over it

[Adamrt]

Mate, when you get older you will wish that you had played the field more than you have, it doesnt matter how many ladies you have been with before you find the one, you will wish you had been with more.
If you do this it will maker it easier to settle down when you meet the right one.
Try doing the alphabet, I got stuck on i ! if I had found an i I would have got to O !

[ASBSECU E93]

Many have offered great advice - not much else I can offer here.

As far as 'getting over' her...it's simple a matter time takes time.

[Needbmwpartzz]

You just need a rebound and some new blood and you will your memories of old will fade as new good memories replace the dysfunctional ones of past.
Just cut the cord and counter your thoughts of nostalgia.
GL

[Needbmwpartzz]

You just need a rebound and some new blood and you will your memories of old will fade as new good memories replace the dysfunctional ones of past.
Just cut the cord and counter your thoughts of nostalgia.
GL

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Well now is the time to yank yourself out of that comfort zone and plan something exciting for next weekend when you foresee yourself being lonely. Maybe go to the track, the shooting range, take a weekend getaway to see that old buddy you lost touch with.
Just don't sit around moping.
And if you need ears about your stressful week, you've got a good bunch right here.

Literally yank yourself out. Whenever you think about her or miss her, put on some porn and go to town with yourself. Rinse and repeat till symptoms are gone. Then go find yourself another girl.

[SheaButter]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Well now is the time to yank yourself out of that comfort zone and plan something exciting for next weekend when you foresee yourself being lonely. Maybe go to the track, the shooting range, take a weekend getaway to see that old buddy you lost touch with.
Just don't sit around moping.
And if you need ears about your stressful week, you've got a good bunch right here.

Apparently the OP didn't want to hit the beach with an M3 stranger, haha! Maybe I should have included a bunch of the gorgeous eligible bachelorettes I know