New Ytest
Sign out
Bimmerpost
Login
BMW E39 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read  
Go Back   BMW E39 5-Series Forum | 5Post.com > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      09-12-2018, 07:34 AM   #1
KingOfJericho
Major General
KingOfJericho's Avatar
United_States
2452
Rep
7,341
Posts

 
Drives: Yes
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: CT

iTrader: (1)

Garage List
2010 135i Coupe  [5.26]
Your most embarrassing/cringe-worthy moments

My wife had begged me to come to a little gathering of her coworkers during the holidays last year. I asked if other spouses were coming and she assured me that I wouldn't be the only one. I was. The host of her party was her boss, whose husband would join when he got off work.

It was a group of maybe eight people standing around the kitchen island having fun conversation and lighthearted banter. The liquor was flowing and everyone was feeling good.

I stepped away from the scene to use the bathroom. When I came back to the room, one of her coworkers had started a conversation about whether or not it matters if older guys are bald. She asks me, point blank, what I think. I said "I don't think it matters much but if you're like full-blown horseshoe bald, that can be a pretty rough look to work with." It was crickets. I turn around and my wife's boss' husband had come home while I was in the bathroom and was sitting behind us. Full. Blown. Horseshoe. Bald.

I've never been so uncomfortable in my life.

The worst part is that I couldn't give two shits how much hair a dude has. I was just joking around after being put on the spot about something I've given zero thought to in my lifetime.

Let's see what you guys have...
__________________
The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Bimmerpost.

2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee High Altitude Hemi | 2010 S4 Sold | 2010 BMW 135i Retired | 2006 Lotus Exige Sold

Last edited by KingOfJericho; 09-12-2018 at 09:11 AM..
Appreciate 8
Lups11819.50
Kyngofpop676.00
Alfisti6452.50
King Rudi13152.00
M-Pilot4859.00
      09-12-2018, 09:22 AM   #2
upstatedoc
I'll get back to you
upstatedoc's Avatar
7556
Rep
2,132
Posts

 
Drives: blue streak
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: not downstate

iTrader: (2)

I had just started a job after college and was in the personnel office. Two women were chatting in the hall and one of them says "So when are you due?". The other replies "i'm not due, I guess I just must be fat" I quickly looked away and pretended I didn't hear or see anything.
__________________
2018 Stinger GT
2009 E90 N51 /Active Autowerke Stage 2 tune/BMW Performance Exhaust/
Countermeasure enthusiast.
Appreciate 2
King Rudi13152.00
      09-12-2018, 10:27 AM   #3
aozer
Lieutenant
aozer's Avatar
995
Rep
598
Posts

 
Drives: M235i
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Texas

iTrader: (0)

i was walking out of the bathroom of a restaurant and as i came around the corner i ran into our waitress who was on the other side of the corner. i instinctively put my hands up to stop myself from running into her. we both paused for a second and i noticed both my hands were on her tits.
Appreciate 7
Lups11819.50
xander_g967.00
Dang3r12503.00
King Rudi13152.00
shay2nak1070.00
      09-12-2018, 10:31 AM   #4
JamesWWIII
Banned
United_States
2932
Rep
415
Posts

 
Drives: 2019 440i Coupe
Join Date: May 2018
Location: South Carolina

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by aozer View Post
i was walking out of the bathroom of a restaurant and as i came around the corner i ran into our waitress who was on the other side of the corner. i instinctively put my hands up to stop myself from running into her. we both paused for a second and i noticed both my hands were on her tits.
Was she hot?
Appreciate 2
      09-12-2018, 10:39 AM   #5
aozer
Lieutenant
aozer's Avatar
995
Rep
598
Posts

 
Drives: M235i
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Texas

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesWWIII View Post
Was she hot?
yea, it was at a korean bbq place, so this hot little asian chick.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2018, 10:40 AM   #6
________
________
4157
Rep
2,301
Posts

 
Drives: ________
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: ________

iTrader: (0)

@Kyngofpop

You've been summoned.
Appreciate 4
Kyngofpop676.00
King Rudi13152.00
MKSixer34171.50
      09-12-2018, 10:44 AM   #7
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Oh goodie, a thread just for me!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 6
CANGRKE70813.50
Run Silent15127.00
xander_g967.00
Dang3r12503.00
King Rudi13152.00
      09-12-2018, 10:45 AM   #8
JamesWWIII
Banned
United_States
2932
Rep
415
Posts

 
Drives: 2019 440i Coupe
Join Date: May 2018
Location: South Carolina

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by aozer View Post
yea, it was at a korean bbq place, so this hot little asian chick.
Then I fail to see how it’s embarrassing/cringeworthy.

I’d label it “fortuitous”.
Appreciate 2
      09-12-2018, 10:49 AM   #9
________
________
4157
Rep
2,301
Posts

 
Drives: ________
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: ________

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc View Post
I had just started a job after college and was in the personnel office. Two women were chatting in the hall and one of them says "So when are you due?". The other replies "i'm not due, I guess I just must be fat" I quickly looked away and pretended I didn't hear or see anything.
My sister did that once...
She went in a pharmacy, and it was a super hot day, and there was no AC.

At the cashier she is melting and goes: "wow it's super hot today"
The female cashier replies "tell me about it, I'm standing here the whole day."

To which her most "empathetic" response was to say: "oh I can imagine it must be really hard for you, especially with this enormous belly! When are you due?"

The cashier replied with "that's the thing. I'm not pregnant"
Appreciate 2
upstatedoc7555.50
Dang3r12503.00
      09-12-2018, 10:55 AM   #10
RickFLM4
Brigadier General
RickFLM4's Avatar
United_States
10882
Rep
4,816
Posts

 
Drives: M4
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: PB County, FL

iTrader: (0)

Many years ago, returning to the office with a co-worker and a recruit we took to lunch, sitting in back seat feeling awful, in sweltering heat and window locks on, in traffic at a dead stop. Opened door, got out, vomited, got back in and hoped no one noticed. Somehow they noticed. Shortly thereafter everyone in the office knew. Fortunately, this was pre-cell phone cameras and social media.
__________________
Current: 2018 SO/SS F83 ZCP
Gone: 2015 SO/SO F82
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2018, 11:50 AM   #11
No one
Major
1030
Rep
1,326
Posts

 
Drives: F21 118i
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Undisclosed

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesWWIII View Post
Then I fail to see how it’s embarrassing/cringeworthy.
A balls kick could've made him cringe.
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2018, 11:55 AM   #12
Banana Hammock
Beefcake
Banana Hammock's Avatar
3769
Rep
711
Posts

 
Drives: NA
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Los Angeles

iTrader: (2)

Quote:
Originally Posted by aozer View Post
i was walking out of the bathroom of a restaurant and as i came around the corner i ran into our waitress who was on the other side of the corner. i instinctively put my hands up to stop myself from running into her. we both paused for a second and i noticed both my hands were on her tits.
Holy shit this actually happens?
Appreciate 2
Kyngofpop676.00
RickFLM410882.00
      09-12-2018, 12:30 PM   #13
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane Beefaroni View Post
Holy shit this actually happens?
I've done worse.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 1
      09-12-2018, 01:01 PM   #14
Banana Hammock
Beefcake
Banana Hammock's Avatar
3769
Rep
711
Posts

 
Drives: NA
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Los Angeles

iTrader: (2)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
I've done worse.
Oh do tell!
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2018, 01:04 PM   #15
kscarrol
Brigadier General
kscarrol's Avatar
United_States
8792
Rep
4,105
Posts

 
Drives: 2021 X3 M40i, 1974 2002 Tii
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Greenville, SC

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
I've done worse.
And? Please do share!
__________________
2021 X3 M40i
1974 2002tii, Inka, 5 sp manual
BMWCCA # 327475
Appreciate 1
Lups11819.50
      09-12-2018, 01:54 PM   #16
Germanauto
Major General
Germanauto's Avatar
United_States
9666
Rep
6,075
Posts

 
Drives: Alfa Romeo Giulia, Rosso
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: LA

iTrader: (0)

Cringeworthy stuff with girls when I was younger.

Nobody will ever understand how the female mind works, but when you are a college student you really don't know shyt.
Appreciate 1
      09-12-2018, 02:04 PM   #17
DETRoadster
Space Force - 4 Star General
DETRoadster's Avatar
11446
Rep
3,264
Posts

 
Drives: M2 MG 6MT / Moto Guzzi V7
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Seattle

iTrader: (1)

Not exactly cringe-worthy for me, but I was involved in a pretty good one. Back in the pre-internet porn days we had these things called adult video stores. There was one near my place that shared a driveway with a lumber yard. You turned into the driveway and then immediately into the lumber yard or kept going another maybe 100 yards to the porn shop. I'm sitting in slow moving traffic, headed to the lumber yard. I see this silver Oldsmobile making the trip from the porn store down the long driveway and think to myself "Man, that looks like my boss' car. How hilarious would if be if it was him." As luck would have it I turn up the driveway just as the Olds is exiting. We are side by side, drivers side window to drivers side window, passing in slo-mo at about 3 MPH. I look over at the perv who just exited the porn shop and sure as sh*t, it's my manager! Ha ha ha! All the more funny by the fact that he was married with a couple little kids and was super religious. He's looking at me right in the eye, recognizes me, and immediately looks away and speeds off. We never spoke of it.
Appreciate 4
kscarrol8792.00
Kyngofpop676.00
King Rudi13152.00
shay2nak1070.00
      09-12-2018, 02:09 PM   #18
Wakka
but no flokka
Wakka's Avatar
United_States
521
Rep
717
Posts

 
Drives: M2C
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa

iTrader: (2)

I just sharted right now, for the 1st time ever. Not the proudest moment of my life. I had some heavy drinking last night and ate some chili for lunch today. I was sitting in front of the computer and felt an explosive fart coming. You know those that charges up like a jet turbine and explode out of your ass like a air bazooka gun? Ya 1 of those, and I love those, cuz it feels good.



So I got my ass all half raised and ready for the launch and fucking BOOM...misfire...misfire...it felt like my ass just barfed. fucking huge amounts of doo doo all over my shorts, balls, thighs, it fucking sucks.



I just got done cleaning up, just thought I come on here to let you guys know what my experience was for my first shart.



Have you ever sharted? Feel free to share your stories here!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTM View Post
Entourage sucks. BTM hates everything
Appreciate 2
      09-12-2018, 02:20 PM   #19
________
________
4157
Rep
2,301
Posts

 
Drives: ________
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: ________

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakka View Post
I just sharted right now, for the 1st time ever. Not the proudest moment of my life. I had some heavy drinking last night and ate some chili for lunch today. I was sitting in front of the computer and felt an explosive fart coming. You know those that charges up like a jet turbine and explode out of your ass like a air bazooka gun? Ya 1 of those, and I love those, cuz it feels good.



So I got my ass all half raised and ready for the launch and fucking BOOM...misfire...misfire...it felt like my ass just barfed. fucking huge amounts of doo doo all over my shorts, balls, thighs, it fucking sucks.



I just got done cleaning up, just thought I come on here to let you guys know what my experience was for my first shart.



Have you ever sharted? Feel free to share your stories here!
Did anyone see it?
If not, not embarrassing.
Appreciate 1
upstatedoc7555.50
      09-12-2018, 02:35 PM   #20
Turkish Pickle
Banned
United_States
3082
Rep
381
Posts

 
Drives: '21 330i xDrive
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Chicago, IL

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
OH BOY what an awesome thread for me! i'll post some pics later on about a different story but for now let's go with this:

2015 may, we're in poland for habitat for humanity. it's me, 7-8 other friends from high school (the boys) and a few other people from my class. one teacher who has 2 kids and the other who got back from his honeymoon a few weeks ago (both are men).

me and the boys decide we want to explore the polish club scene, but being juniors in high some of the boys are horny so instead of going to a club we decide to go to a brothel. turns out, the small city we live in doesn't have one dedicated, but the strip club works as one. by yelling "kurwa kurwa" to our non-english speaking cab driver, we manage to go there.

as we're getting out the car, we see the chaperones walk out of the strip club/brothel. we were not supposed to be out, just like they shouldn't be out at a strip club. no one said anything for what felt like an eternity until my friend said "we won't mention it if you let us slip" and - nothing happened to us for breaking curfew...

until our friends and teachers "prom" dinner, of course. drinking age back home is 18, we made sure we had unlimited drinks. many memories throughout high school was shared, and on our table we had both our chaperones, calling cheers to the time we busted both cheating on their wives is always a fun memory
Appreciate 0
      09-12-2018, 03:43 PM   #21
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

 
Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by kscarrol View Post
And? Please do share!
Ask again on Friday, preferably before 10 pm my time. I'm going to open a beer at 9 pm and in that hour I'll probably be so tired I'll answer you
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 1
kscarrol8792.00
      09-12-2018, 04:01 PM   #22
KingOfJericho
Major General
KingOfJericho's Avatar
United_States
2452
Rep
7,341
Posts

 
Drives: Yes
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: CT

iTrader: (1)

Garage List
2010 135i Coupe  [5.26]
In college I dated a girl whose roommate was never around (stayed at her BFs place) so I would sleep at her place most nights. We both had late classes so we would often sleep in. One morning, I woke up before her and had to fart something fierce. I was facing her and took proper precautions to ensure she was asleep before letting it rip. She was out cold so I let a looooong gasser out into the wild. I rolled over (my back was to the room) and, to my horror, her roommate and her boyfriend were sitting on her roommates bed. My bad...
__________________
The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Bimmerpost.

2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee High Altitude Hemi | 2010 S4 Sold | 2010 BMW 135i Retired | 2006 Lotus Exige Sold
Appreciate 7
RickFLM410882.00
Lups11819.50
upstatedoc7555.50
shay2nak1070.00
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:47 PM.




5post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST