The joke thread, pics are not necessary

[Dino GT]

Four high-school buddies are at a high-school reunion catching up when one of them goes to the bathroom. The other three start talking about how successful their sons are. One man says, my son is so successful that he owns a Ferrari dealership and he just gave his best friend a Ferrari for his birthday. Another man says, oh that's nothing, my son is so successful that he owns an airliner and he just gave his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The 3rd man says, my son is more successful than that, he owns an architectural firm and he just gave his best friend a Castle for his birthday. The 4th guy comes back from the bathroom and asks. What are you guys talking about? We're talking about how successful our sons are. Well my son is a gay stripper. The one men say, Wow...you must be disappointed with what he's done with his life. Actually he's doing pretty well for himself, he just got a Ferrari, a Jet, and a Castle for his birthday from his three boyfriends.

[aguywalksintoabar]

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

[aguywalksintoabar]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

[Esteban]

[KRS_SN]

Three nuns were walking down the street, when a drunk man stumbled up to them.

“Out of my way, penguins.”

Shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think he knows who we are. Show them your cross.”

Sister Mary immediately squares up to the guy. “Never talk to me like that again, you pathetic little man, or I swear I will rip you a new one. Have I made myself clear? Now on your way.”

Sister Mary turns back to Mother Superior and asks, “How was that? Cross enough, or too much?”

[BMWGUYinCO]

A man's home is his castle....in a manor of speaking.

[3.0L]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

[KRS_SN]

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. He sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior goes to the doctor and says "Big Chief, no shit". The doctor gave him one pill and told him "the chief should be fine tomorrow"

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. The next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". The doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying "big chief, no shit". The doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor

"Big shit!! No chief".

[aguywalksintoabar]

Originally Posted by KRS_SN

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. He sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior goes to the doctor and says "Big Chief, no shit". The doctor gave him one pill and told him "the chief should be fine tomorrow"

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. The next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". The doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying "big chief, no shit". The doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor

"Big shit!! No chief".

woah blast from the past. I remember hearing that as a kid.

[aguywalksintoabar]

Originally Posted by KRS_SN

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. He sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior goes to the doctor and says "Big Chief, no shit". The doctor gave him one pill and told him "the chief should be fine tomorrow"

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. The next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". The doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying "big chief, no shit". The doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor

"Big shit!! No chief".

Reminded me of this one:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful sidekick Tonto were out on the plains one afternoon when suddenly Tonto, perhaps sensing danger, knelt and pressed his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come." he muttered.

"How many? How far away are they?" inquired the Ranger.

"No, no.." Tonto rose, wiping his ear with a grimace,"Buffalo cum!"

[KRS_SN]

Originally Posted by aguywalksintoabar

Reminded me of this one:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful sidekick Tonto were out on the plains one afternoon when suddenly Tonto, perhaps sensing danger, knelt and pressed his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come." he muttered.

"How many? How far away are they?" inquired the Ranger.

"No, no.." Tonto rose, wiping his ear with a grimace,"Buffalo cum!"

Another one
On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK , addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians. He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a Carbon-Trading Tax for the UK and Europe At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.

[KRS_SN]

After building my newly purchased IKEA wardrobe in the car park there.....I discovered that it wouldn't fit in my car!
I think the 'Assembly Point' is a really stupid idea......

[aguywalksintoabar]

The Roast of Weed:

[aguywalksintoabar]

Wash your ass:

[3.0L]

Little Johnny's math teacher asks the class, "If you have a dollar and you ask your father for another one, how much would you have?"

"One dollar," yells Little Johnny from the back of the class.

"Oh, come on!" says the teacher. "Surely someone your age knows how to count, Johnny!"

"It isn't that I don't know how to count," replies Johnny. "It's that I know my dad a lot better than you do!"

[M5Rick]

What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator.

[manija]

https://pixelforest.itch.io/farmers-stealing-tanks
(it's just a game)

[M5Rick]

What's another name for a Skoda convertible?
A skip.

[M5Rick]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was poultry in motion.

[aguywalksintoabar]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was poultry in motion.

[aguywalksintoabar]

What kind of evil catches bad pilgrims?
The pilgrim reaper

[aguywalksintoabar]

I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!