Women's congruence tests... and how to pass them?

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by tranquility

I didn't wanna be mean but you have pt, either that or he's a dreaded 5-letter I word. Who writes verbose ramblings like that, like trying to solve some mathematical equation when we're talking about human relationships here? Something's off and some srs introspection is indeed needed, and I'm trying to say that in the least offensive way if he's really not trolling.

I try to be compassionate. EVERY one of us has been in a bad relationship at some point, getting used, and looking back later thinking "why didn't I just leave?!"

Sad thing is that this seems to be the OPs pattern. Meets girl -> Tries to win her over by being the nice friend -> gets taken advantage of -> makes excuses for her -> gets dumped from friendsville once she gets a real boyfriend -> press repeat.

[tranquility]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

I try to be compassionate. EVERY one of us has been in a bad relationship at some point, getting used, and looking back later thinking "why didn't I just leave?!"

Sad thing is that this seems to be the OPs pattern. Meets girl -> Tries to win her over by being the nice friend -> gets taken advantage of -> makes excuses for her -> gets dumped from friendsville once she gets a real boyfriend -> press repeat.

Like I said to another poster ITT you're probably more compassionate than me cuz I saw "congruence" in the title and the wall-of-text OP and just checked out

[wren57]

To answer OP's question of how to pass women's shit tests:

don't try.

Be yourself, have confidence in yourself, and know you deserve better. If she wants to play games and make you pass tests, she's the one that's not good enough for you. Walk away. If she chases you, fine, let her, and if not, whatever, on to the next one.

The only way to pass a congruence test is to not try.

If you haven't watched the movie WarGames, give it a viewing.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Ya’ll getting trolled. In this thread he says it's 6 months. He posted that other post freaking Oct 2020, that’s over a year ago and in that post he says he’s been “close” (whatever that means) to this woman for over a year. So it was already a year or more in 2020. So that means it would have actually been over 2 years by now. Either he’s a troll or he’s waaaaaaaaay beyond any help. The end.

Also, he say's he's 30 y/o and I just noticed he joined the forum in 2008 which would have made him 16 at the time. Still, doesn't beat Turkish Pickle tho.

[D_o_S]

Hiya,

thank you for all the constructive input! You have helped me see something I was not aware could be happening, i.e. someone using me for self approval.

And, I have realized the difference between a congruence test and toxic behavior...

So, has this thread been good for anything? For me, definitely, it has opened my eyes and made me wiser!

As to all the trolling comments, yes, I did join the forum in 2008, back when E90 was the latest and greatest BMW And yes, I am 30-ish. And yes, I will give details as I feel are necessary for proper judgement, to protect the privacy of all persons mentioned herein. So yes, I could be skewing the opinions of people with slightly inaccurate information, but I believe the skew will be small.

As I said at the start of my thread, I was (or so I feel) asking for help on talking to "her". Not so much about "is this relationship headed somewhere", where the thread seems to have gone, but that's ok and thank you for that! To a certain extent, I am at peace with where the relationship is headed...

This thread has also opened up some things about talking to friends - which I have few - i.e. I used to chose them if I could get along and never really bothered to comment on their behavior. If they were not "up to my standards", screw it, I didn't bother with them... well, now I guess they deserve some feedback too, which I will try to give...

And yes, I did/do have boundary issues clearly, that's the way I was raised by my mother (help others before you help yourself), which has lead to a lot of good, as well as a lot of pain. But hey, acknowledge it, and I'm going to work on it more.

Thanks everyone for the help and comments!

[shoei]

Jesus H Christ, there's SO much to unpack here I wouldn't even know where to start.

But to answer your question, why the fuck do you want cheat sheets on how to pass tests? Be yourself for starters, that's not being genuine nor is it going to help YOUR relationship if you are answering questions based on others opinions because I can confidently say that you and I would not answer questions the same.

You shouldn't be worried about passing tests. If I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, I'm quite alright with failing a test. Secondly, you identify some things you need to work on / improve etc. I'd work on self before trying to find happiness from a relationship. You also make excuses for the others behavior and when multiple people point out said behavior, your rationale is it's one sided information being provided by you so it will skewer opinions. You should be more concerned with complete strangers, people who have never met your "friends" have same opinion. You even acknowledge that but it doesn't register with you.

"If it waddles like a duck and it quacks like a duck, chances are pretty fucking good that it's a duck."

[NEfan508]

Off topic:

When I can't find my wife @ (any shopping) mall or store I just flirt with a random woman, she appears in seconds, startrack fast

Mrs Miller has been with me since I was a teen, we are both liberal yet conservative, our political views are opposite and moral compass, let's just say Ying/yang, yet, I love this woman deeply, she would help me bury a body if need be and I'd do the same without hesitation

keep looking for your match, someone that makes you feel good when she's around and that cooks incredible lasagna wouldn't hurt

Edit: I'm not googling the word/meaning "congruence" I will just let that one go

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by NEfan508

Off topic:

When I can't find my wife @ (any shopping) mall or store I just flirt with a random woman, she appears in seconds, startrack fast

Mrs Miller has been with me since I was a teen, we are both liberal yet conservative, our political views are opposite and moral compass, let's just say Ying/yang, yet, I love this woman deeply, she would help me bury a body if need be and I'd do the same without hesitation

keep looking for your match, someone that makes you feel good when she's around and that cooks incredible lasagna wouldn't hurt

Edit: I'm not googling the word/meaning "congruence" I will just let that one go

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Hiya,

happy new year! Reaching out for some help to all you dating experts

I have been spending considerable time with a girl and I think we can say we both enjoy each other's presence. I certainly enjoy hers, from her wittiness and intellect to her looks... We are not intimate, so as below, all judgements of appearance are with clothes on.

I ...............
..... to come over for tea tomorrow?
M: Sure, let me know... hey, and thank you for your honesty about the exercise thing!

Then some small talk and "over and out".
..........
So,
Thoughts, tips, tricks?

Thank you!

You thanked her for that chat about your body?? Hard pass.

My advice; you shouldn't need to justify/explain yourself like this in a relationship. If you do, they're not the one. If she doesn't encourage you I'm working towards your goals, she does not deserve to reap the rewards when you get there.

EDIT; just read your comment a few posts back. How to talk to this lady, or how generally to respond to a conversation like this? Walk away. Or at least that's what I would do if I had a clear head on.

[chresto]

To D_o_S and everyone else going through similar situations I suggest the following bible: “How to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne. The title might sound ridiculous but the content is gold and very compatible with what is being shared here. Mastering women leads to mastering life.

[MsGoGoMoto]

After I read this….
I did like Ace Ventura and accidentally ended up diving into a dumpster full of broken glass tying to catch a rare 4- legged bird.

[MsGoGoMoto]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

God damn.

This is the perfect answer lol

[Alfisti]

Mother fucker just admitted to burying a body just quietly.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Mother fucker just admitted to burying a body just quietly.

This thread delivers

[D_o_S]

Originally Posted by chresto

To D_o_S and everyone else going through similar situations I suggest the following bible: “How to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne. The title might sound ridiculous but the content is gold and very compatible with what is being shared here. Mastering women leads to mastering life.

Thanks for the tip, will read it!

Haven't had time to discuss anything with her due to COVID... but I will bring the topic up as soon as it's fit to.

[mecheng77]

I couldn't read your whole essay but it's true woman like men with broad shoulders. Get to the gym and do some military lifts and stop acting like a loser / victim

[MsGoGoMoto]

Ok, i just had a hard read at OP's post.

OP.. have to say this.. Don't be a pussy please.
The woman just insulted your body and you just sat there politely and let her roll all over you with it. And now you're going to have tea? Egads man. Nooooo.

Imagine YOU doing that to her..

Conversation…
You: you've been working out but I don't see any changes..
Her: you calling me fat?
You: no, but it's been a year and I don't see any changes..
Her: CLICK!
You: hello?

Her: blocks you.

And congruence tests, you mean being manipulated and strung along so she can get attention??
Have you given her any "congruence tests'???????
It's been a year?
She's insulting your body? That means there is another guy and you're just there to satisfy her getting attention.

How do I know? Did it in my 20's.

Just put her in the friend zone and run. And do some self reflecting please. Don't chase a girl that hard and put up with that crap. Move on and remember . No congruence tests…
Bail.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Thanks for the tip, will read it!

Haven't had time to discuss anything with her due to COVID... but I will bring the topic up as soon as it's fit to.

You just took the advice of a spammer. I think you'll be fine

[D_o_S]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

You just took the advice of a spammer. I think you'll be fine

Well, the book is a half decent... 3/4 of a way through it...

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Well, the book is a half decent...

How can you be sure?

[Mosaud1998]

.

[Darth One]

I hope that's not one of those misogynist PUA books…