Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by shoei

Stop. Do not compare scenarios. This isn't where you need to come to get advice lol.

Don't trip. I promise you, none of your ex's are the one you let get away, lol. You haven't even figured yourself out yet!!!

I'm not comparing scenarios, it was a genuine curiosity. I'm pretty certain none of my exes are "the one that got away". If they are the best I could do, I will gracefully jump off my rooftop.

It just sounded like he accepted that as is and it doesn't strike me as being something easy to accept, hence my curiosity. There's gotta be a "fuuuuuuuuuuuuck" moment.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I'm not comparing scenarios, it was a genuine curiosity. I'm pretty certain none of my exes are "the one that got away". If they are the best I could do, I will gracefully jump off my rooftop.

It just sounded like he accepted that as is and it doesn't strike me as being something easy to accept, hence my curiosity. There's gotta be a "fuuuuuuuuuuuuck" moment.

It's because his mindset is different. He's not looking at this scenario any differently than say two different religions or two different cultures but one of the cultures doesn't accept the other.

There isn't anything inherently wrong with his ex - he has a vision of his perfect partner and she didn't check off all the boxes. In other words, he's not a hopeless romantic and assume all endings are like Hollywood movies. The man chose comfort and lifestyle accustomed to vs the love of my life. In a nutshell, love isn't his top priority. Success is and accomplishing his goals.

The part where he gets kudos is he's willing to view things in other perspectives and in my opinion? Only healthy people can wish the other partner happiness and success. He even said he hopes she finds somebody wonderful. Doesn't mean he ain't a good person - they just weren't the right fit. Coming to that realization and doing something healthy about it doesn't make you a terrible person. Sure, to her maybe but that too shall pass and if she's in a healthy mindset, eventually she'll appreciate that he didn't waste her time. Well, sometimes they come to that realization lol.

Point is, Pickle. There isn't a one stop shop for this kind of thing. What works for him and what made him realize isn't going to be the same for everybody. The shit that comes out of my mouth for example? If and when my friends try it, it's usually followed with a slap or hostility. Everyone's different.

Truth be told, I agree with him. Not the business aspect approach to relationships, the cutting someone out because you know that YOU aren't good for them. Trickier is cutting people out that aren't good for you, but I get the feeling he doesn't play that game either. To some, his approach might be cold and calculating but news flash, there's plenty of successful women out there that operate the same way.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

I foolishy got back with my ex and had to break up with her again, hurting her twice in the process. I'm 29 and she's 34. I'm not ready for marriage/children and I my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue stringing her along emotionally and wasting her time. I'm in Medicine and doing my Residency, so haven't even had my first real job yet and figured out what I want out of life.

If I stayed with this lady, it puts a lot of pressure on me internally to tie things down really quickly. She's not pushing me into marriage/children, but when a lady is 34 these things have to be on an expedited path. Also, given the exploding cost of living especially here in Los Angeles, I'll admit that her $100k salary just didn't seem enough to me for the lifestyle I always expected for myself. Clearly, fear of true commitment was an issue here

Somebody enlighten me here, have I been a gigantic asshole? Is it wrong to consider money? Is my thought process totally f'ed up and i need to mature? She loved me dearly and I think I love her too. No woman has ever respected me like this or been as accommodating and kind to me. However the practical side of my mind just wouldn't leave me alone here. Love is one component to a relationship, but for a lifelong marriage I don't feel it's wise to ignore the practical side of things.

Somebody talk sense into me. My greatest fear is that she could be "the one who got away" and it would all be of my doing.

Life isn't all about money dude…

Find the person you enjoy being with for who and what they are, not for the material things that could come from a relationship. That does not bring happiness.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

Is 29 really "too old" to consider having kids?

I'm fucked lmao



How/when did you realize that she is the "one that got away", like what made you accept it as so?

29 is most certainly NOT too old to have kids. Not even close. Hell, I'm 46 and I haven't given up on the idea of having kids.

It's a long story, and I'm not really one to share too much on an open forum like this, but I knew it right away and I never will be able to fully accept it. it's torturous at times, which is why I tell people if you meet your 'one' DO NOT fuck it up because you probably won't get a second chance.

[Alfisti]

29 isn't too old to have kids but if you plan on having kids, by 29 you need to be seriously exploring the option/looking for right partner. By the time you find someone, give it some time, get hitched etc it'll be 3 years, now you're 32....... that's as late as i'd leave the first.

35 sounds young but have your second at 38, by the time that kid is 12 you're fucking 50. 50. that's old.

[CTinline-six]

LOL @ all these people claiming you have to be X years old to have kids or you might as well not do it.

Sure, it would be ideal, but at 31 years old I'd rather get married to an amazing woman at 40 and adopt kids if having my own isn't possible than go through what some of my already divorced with 2 kids friends are going through right now. Finding the right person is much more important than having kids by a certain age.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

LOL @ all these people claiming you have to be X years old to have kids or you might as well not do it.

Sure, it would be ideal, but at 31 years old I'd rather get married to an amazing woman at 40 and adopt kids if having my own isn't possible than go through what some of my already divorced with 2 kids friends are going through right now. Finding the right person is much more important than having kids by a certain age.

I'm glad I'm not the only one scratching my head. Setting time table to pop out kids seem like a recipe for disaster or settling. Also, all this about "The One". The fuck is this, the Matrix?

Look, I can probably squeeze in a couple more adoptions before I'm tapped out with holidays and crap I'd have to spend with said "parents" during holidays to stay in the will. Point is, don't worry about the kids part - I'll hand out some adoption papers shortly.

It may not seem like it now, but lemme tell you, it could be a hell of a lot worse.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

LOL @ all these people claiming you have to be X years old to have kids or you might as well not do it.

Sure, it would be ideal, but at 31 years old I'd rather get married to an amazing woman at 40 and adopt kids if having my own isn't possible than go through what some of my already divorced with 2 kids friends are going through right now. Finding the right person is much more important than having kids by a certain age.

No one is saying that is not the case, the discussion started with a dude saying "great girl but not ready for kids yet" ..... he's 29, if not "now" (which is likely 31 or 32 by the time they sort everything out) ....then when? He found the girl, just doesn't want kids "yet"..... again... then when?

You guys are a bunch of a fucking sewing circle women putting words into people's mouths. There's context t the discussion.

[ryan stewart]

Yeah I didnt read it as 29 is the age. More "you need to make a decision." You might decide, "Yeah, I want kids, but not right now" But make the decision if you are dealing with a girl who wants kids.

[Alfisti]

Time just gets away from you is all i am saying. 29 you're thinking, I'm only 29, but realistically, you are nudging 35 by the time you have your second one. The process takes time, as we all agree one doesn't want to make a mistake. So find the right girl, date, sort out inevitable issues, propose, find a home, wedding, honeymoon etc.... that'll take 3 years and this assumes you conceive without issue and the older the woman the harder it is to conceive.

Kids are tough in a two income household, it is a lot of work, it is exhausting, you're likely to gain weight, your job will demand more from you as you're now in your mid 30's etc. You get less patient as you age too, and kids need a lot of patience.

[Watching The World Burn]

All hail the shining beacon of patience ITT....


Nah, but really, you are going to lose your ever loving mind with your kids. A lot. They know exactly which buttons to press, and what's really fun, is they know of buttons that you didn't even know were there until they stomp on it. Those are the absolute best ones, because then both parties are surprised with the outcome.

[Alfisti]

I literally just lost it on them as they are home for march break. I am trying to work and do 10 other things at once and for the umpteenth time today they are loudly bickering over nothing.

[Watching The World Burn]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I literally just lost it on them as they are home for march break. I am trying to work and do 10 other things at once and for the umpteenth time today they are loudly bickering over nothing.

Yes, if either I or my wife need to jump on a work call upstairs (assuming we are the only one home with them and we don't have the other to maintain order), we go through the same routine each time.

Specifically, they'll be sitting on the couch downstairs, peacefully watching a show or playing, all is beautifully calm, we'll tell them we are taking an important call upstairs so NO FIGHTING, and NO loud noises. Vehement agreement on their end that yes, absolutely, they fully understand and will be quiet as mice and will under no circumstances do anything to interrupt the call.

The poor individual currently tasked with watching them creeps upstairs to take the call, thinking that this time will be different. Inevitably, 2 minutes into the call, EVERY SINGLE TIME, Mt. Vesuvius erupts downstairs and you can hardly hear yourself on the call anymore.

Finish the call, go downstairs, lose your mind at them, rinse and repeat.

[Alfisti]

It's the relentlessness of it, if they are not staring at a screen they are bickering over the most pointless shit. Happens dozens of times a day and by 2pm i'm gonna choke em. We have had them home fo r2 years too so that hasn't helped, went back to school Feb 22nd so it's only been a few weeks then back on top of us again.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

29 is most certainly NOT too old to have kids. Not even close. Hell, I'm 46 and I haven't given up on the idea of having kids.

It's a long story, and I'm not really one to share too much on an open forum like this, but I knew it right away and I never will be able to fully accept it. it's torturous at times, which is why I tell people if you meet your 'one' DO NOT fuck it up because you probably won't get a second chance.

I understand, thank you for sharing.

@ having kids at 29; that was a "im fucked lol" out of "im 24 and i barely can take care of my own self, 29 is 5 years away". i do want to have a kid and a family one day, but not today or anywhere near today. thank you for those who clarified it to being conscious of what you want.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by ///d

I don't miss him.

Speaking of people that are no longer here... where the hell is Sara?! She still going strong with Mr. Top Gun?

I'm right here It's been an amazing 7 months and hoping for many more with him. He is the kindest person I've ever met. He's just wonderful. Here's some pics from yesterday's air show. If anyone has my IG, I posted a lot of videos from the show there.

I'm currently on the couch fried as a tomato and I haven't logged on here in a while. Figured I'd say hi to everyone. Hope all of you are doing well

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Sara

I'm right here It's been an amazing 7 months and hoping for many more with him. He is the kindest person I've ever met. He's just wonderful. Here's some pics from yesterday's air show. If anyone has my IG, I posted a lot of videos from the show there.

I'm currently on the couch fried as a tomato and I haven't logged on here in a while. Figured I'd say hi to everyone. Hope all of you are doing well

Those are really good news and Im happy for you that the continious approaches and long lap patterns had lead to a fair and final landing, so to speak

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Those are really good news and Im happy for you that the continious approaches and long lap patterns had lead to a fair and final landing, so to speak

Thank you

[nyalpine90]

well well well look who it is.. Ms ICE

[Sara]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

well well well look who it is.. Ms ICE

Hey, Mother Goose, how’s it going?

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Sara

Hey, Mother Goose, how’s it going?

all good here!
so how its going with Maverick>

[///d]

Originally Posted by Sara

It's crazy to think what a year can do. A year ago my mindset was much different towards guys than it is now. It's amazing what the right person can do. He's the kindest, most affectionate badass there is. His schedule is perfect. He's here, he goes away. He's here, he goes away. I was worried about being smothered and seeing someone alllll the time in the beginning. His schedule doesn't allow for that. I can't believe I'm saying this but I find myself wanting to see him all the time. Who am I?

All in all, he's good to me and he's good for me

Weird what happens when gals stop going for the douchbags

Not saying you used to go for douchbags, but as I get older I hear more and more gals say the same thing you said.

Speaking of smothering, the gf has been super clingy since I got home from overseas. I get it, I was gone for a year, but wholy shit I don't need to you follow along when I'm just running the the gas station to fuel up so I don't have to in the AM before work. And I cant sit on the couch without her needing to be touching me or damn near laying on me.

Couples problems lol. I know in time the clingyness will fade and be back to "normal", I just like my space.