The joke thread, pics are not necessary

Kowalski2011 · 07-07-2023, 07:57 AM

Jacob was a good farmer, in fact he was outstanding in his field!

BMWGUYinCO · 07-13-2023, 11:18 AM

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hike
Hike Who?
Unsuspecting friend
Me, waiting with baited breath
Sets the perfect trap.

Esteban · 07-13-2023, 01:03 PM

Question: What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubes?

Answer: A cuntstubble.

billnchristy · 07-14-2023, 09:44 AM

It burns.....

98Blur · 07-14-2023, 03:37 PM

When did they have the first motorcycle race?

When they made the 2nd motorcycle.

Llarry · 07-16-2023, 03:55 AM

A man asked his wife of many years "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She responded "I'd take my half and leave you."

He replied "I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6; be sure to keep in touch."

M5Rick · 07-16-2023, 12:21 PM

I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman with her hazard lights on.
I thought myself, ''At least she's honest''.

M5Rick · 07-17-2023, 03:33 PM

Why did the librarian keep buying books?

She had no shelf-control.

3.0L · 07-21-2023, 09:27 PM

.

M5Rick · 07-25-2023, 06:14 AM

What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour.

BMWGUYinCO · 07-25-2023, 03:58 PM

My dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.

No word yet.

3.0L · 07-27-2023, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMWGUYinCO

My dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.

No word yet.

True story:

We bought our kids string cheese during their schools years. We had a Lab. Before I mowed the lawns on Saturday, I always cleared the land-mines before mowing. One day, I found a Lab deuce, complete with a string cheese wrapper imbedded along the side of the turd, complete with barcode. I about laughed my ass off.

BMWGUYinCO · 07-31-2023, 03:46 PM

I do all mathematical addition in my head.

It's the thought that counts.

M5Rick · 08-03-2023, 07:18 AM

A lorry has overturned on the M25 orbital motorway containing Vicks vapour rub.
Cops have said there will be no congestion for six hours.

BMWGUYinCO · 08-08-2023, 05:23 PM

I just saw a guy collapse on the airport luggage carousel!

I believe he is fine as he's slowly coming around.

M5Rick · 08-11-2023, 01:02 PM

Cops pulled up beside me and my Yamaha on the hard shoulder on the motorway today.
Apparently its not the place to play a keyboard.

Buug959 · 08-11-2023, 07:05 PM

Q: Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?

A: It was on a roll.

Buug959 · 08-12-2023, 06:20 PM

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers.

M5Rick · 08-14-2023, 01:03 PM

A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the motorway.
Queues on both sides.

RobotDoctor · 08-14-2023, 01:46 PM

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your job back, you get your truck back, you get your dog back .....

vreihen16 · 08-14-2023, 02:43 PM

Q: What's the difference between a tornado and an Arkansas divorce?

A: Absolutely nothing. In both cases, someone is going to lose a trailer!

Esteban · 08-14-2023, 03:36 PM

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk.

07-07-2023, 07:57 AM	#1101
Kowalski2011 Private 1246 Rep 99 Posts Drives: M3/Z3/M5/X5/135i/PCS/SQ5 Join Date: Jun 2021 Location: Midwest iTrader: (0) Garage List 1991 BMW M5 [9.50] 2011 BMW 135i [7.00] 2001 BMW Z3 3.0i [9.00] 2011 BMW M3 [0.00]	Jacob was a good farmer, in fact he was outstanding in his field!
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07-13-2023, 11:18 AM	#1102
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4323 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	Knock Knock Who's there? Hike Hike Who? Unsuspecting friend Me, waiting with baited breath Sets the perfect trap.
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07-13-2023, 01:03 PM	#1103
Esteban Major General 53733 Rep 7,237 Posts Drives: a slow car fast Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	Question: What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubes? Answer: A cuntstubble.
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07-14-2023, 09:44 AM	#1104
billnchristy Major 1669 Rep 1,494 Posts Drives: 2022 M440xi GC Join Date: Feb 2019 Location: Atlanta iTrader: (0) Garage List 1966 Ford Mustang [2.75] 2022 BMW M440ix GC [8.33] 2022 Ford Bronco [10.00]	It burns.....
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07-14-2023, 03:37 PM	#1105
98Blur Registered 8 Rep 2 Posts Drives: BMW E39 Join Date: Jul 2023 Location: Midwest iTrader: (0)	When did they have the first motorcycle race? When they made the 2nd motorcycle.
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07-16-2023, 03:55 AM	#1106
Llarry Curently BMWless 21375 Rep 719 Posts Drives: 2025 M850ix ordered Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oregon iTrader: (0) Garage List 2025 BMW M850ix Gra ... [10.00] 2022 Honda Ridgelin ... [10.00] 2021 Porsche Macan GTS [6.25]	A man asked his wife of many years "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She responded "I'd take my half and leave you." He replied "I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6; be sure to keep in touch." __________________ '25 M850ix GC (Ordered) BMW CCA 30 years
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07-16-2023, 12:21 PM	#1107
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman with her hazard lights on. I thought myself, ''At least she's honest''.
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07-17-2023, 03:33 PM	#1108
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	Why did the librarian keep buying books? She had no shelf-control.
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07-21-2023, 09:27 PM	#1109
3.0L Colonel 10789 Rep 2,011 Posts Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300 Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: California iTrader: (0)	. Attached Images __________________ 2014 BMW M235i 2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian
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07-25-2023, 06:14 AM	#1110
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armour.
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07-25-2023, 03:58 PM	#1111
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4323 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	My dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet. No word yet.
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07-31-2023, 03:46 PM	#1113
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4323 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	I do all mathematical addition in my head. It's the thought that counts.
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08-03-2023, 07:18 AM	#1114
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	A lorry has overturned on the M25 orbital motorway containing Vicks vapour rub. Cops have said there will be no congestion for six hours.
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08-08-2023, 05:23 PM	#1115
BMWGUYinCO Second Lieutenant 4323 Rep 284 Posts Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40 Join Date: Apr 2020 Location: Colorado iTrader: (0)	I just saw a guy collapse on the airport luggage carousel! I believe he is fine as he's slowly coming around.
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08-11-2023, 01:02 PM	#1116
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	Cops pulled up beside me and my Yamaha on the hard shoulder on the motorway today. Apparently its not the place to play a keyboard.
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08-11-2023, 07:05 PM	#1117
Buug959 Captain 23033 Rep 892 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	Q: Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? A: It was on a roll. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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08-12-2023, 06:20 PM	#1118
Buug959 Captain 23033 Rep 892 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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08-14-2023, 01:03 PM	#1119
M5Rick General 68569 Rep 22,081 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the motorway. Queues on both sides.
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08-14-2023, 01:46 PM	#1120
RobotDoctor Professional Nomad 685 Rep 131 Posts Drives: 2019 440i F36 Sportline Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: Florida's first coast iTrader: (0)	What do you get when you play country music backwards? You get your wife back, you get your job back, you get your truck back, you get your dog back .....
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08-14-2023, 02:43 PM	#1121
vreihen16 Recovering Perfectionist 20439 Rep 1,002 Posts Drives: BMW-less :( Join Date: Jun 2019 Location: Orange County, NY iTrader: (0) Garage List 2014 Mighty Freight ... [0.00] 2000 Audi TT Quattro [0.00] 1967 Formula Vee [0.00]	Q: What's the difference between a tornado and an Arkansas divorce? A: Absolutely nothing. In both cases, someone is going to lose a trailer! __________________ Currently BMW-less.
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08-14-2023, 03:36 PM	#1122
Esteban Major General 53733 Rep 7,237 Posts Drives: a slow car fast Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.
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