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06-12-2023, 01:20 PM | #1079 |
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
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06-17-2023, 03:23 AM | #1080 |
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
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///MFrankie350.50 Llarry20651.50 Buug95921768.00 vreihen1619510.50 PcarFan936.50 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 3.0L9948.00 |
06-17-2023, 04:13 AM | #1081 |
///MHead
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Posts Drives: MK2 Focus RS Stage 4+ Join Date: Jul 2021
Location: England
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There are three types of people in this world.
Those who are good with numbers and those who aren't.
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Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall, torque is how much of the wall you take with you.
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M5Rick66957.00 Llarry20651.50 Buug95921768.00 Esteban51783.00 Samurai of 2day2290.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 3.0L9948.00 |
06-17-2023, 01:07 PM | #1082 |
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I saw a TV for sale with a broken volume button. How could I turn it down?
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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Esteban51783.00 Samurai of 2day2290.00 ///MFrankie350.50 M5Rick66957.00 KRS_SN14373.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 3.0L9948.00 |
06-17-2023, 01:08 PM | #1083 |
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I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 16th time this week.
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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Llarry20651.50 ///MFrankie350.50 PcarFan936.50 M5Rick66957.00 Esteban51783.00 KRS_SN14373.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 3.0L9948.00 garyfried287.00 |
06-18-2023, 04:05 PM | #1087 |
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06-22-2023, 04:39 PM | #1089 |
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An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding" he said. "I'm almost 60 years old." The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me" he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks" he said. "Works every time."
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06-26-2023, 03:10 PM | #1091 |
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I think my wife is putting glue on all my firearms.
She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns. |
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06-26-2023, 03:11 PM | #1092 |
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My neighbor couldn't afford his water bill, so I got him a "Get Well" soon card.
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06-27-2023, 08:33 AM | #1093 |
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Headline: "Man in boxers leads police on brief chase"
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06-28-2023, 03:07 PM | #1094 |
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I went to the paint store to get thinner.
It didn't work. |
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06-29-2023, 03:32 PM | #1095 |
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Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing....
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06-29-2023, 03:36 PM | #1096 |
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I prodded my horse to get galloping and he said neigh.
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06-29-2023, 10:10 PM | #1097 |
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I invented the alcohol diet.
Lost three days already. |
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Llarry20651.50 KRS_SN14373.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 Buug95921768.00 UncleWede18330.50 3.0L9948.00 Samurai of 2day2290.00 |
07-05-2023, 01:49 PM | #1098 |
Colonel
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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol . . . . Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead! Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead! Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . . Alive! So the Minister asked the congregation, "So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service!
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2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
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07-06-2023, 12:05 PM | #1099 |
General
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What music do builders love listening to?
The Carpenters. |
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