|
02-06-2023, 05:38 AM | #926 |
General
67009
Rep 21,644
Posts |
Just wow but it would take more than that to make me light up a Castella even for a laugh.
|
Appreciate
0
|
02-07-2023, 03:08 AM | #927 |
General
67009
Rep 21,644
Posts |
A shrink asks his patient how long she has had short term memory loss.
She replies ''As long as I can remember'' |
Appreciate
6
|
02-07-2023, 04:47 PM | #928 |
Major General
14404
Rep 5,458
Posts |
Why do ants never become unwell?
Because they have tiny anty bodies. |
02-08-2023, 02:41 AM | #929 |
General
67009
Rep 21,644
Posts |
A chap says to his shrink that he's having suicidal tendencies.
Shrink tells him he has to pay his fees in advance. |
Appreciate
3
|
02-08-2023, 11:02 AM | #930 |
Grumpy Old Relic
518
Rep 443
Posts Drives: 2022 M550i Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: San Diego, CA
|
A cop starts his shift at the bottom of a hill, radar gun ready, hoping to catch a speeder. Hours and hours pass, and nothing. Just when his shift is about to end in dismay, he catches a glimpse of a car heading his way at a very high rate of speed. He gleefully takes down the speeder. He swaggers towards the car to issue a ticket, and sees a young man in his 20s is behind the wheel.
Cop says, with a grin on his face: "Son, I've been waiting for you the WHOLE damn day!" Kid: "I know Officer, I came as fast as I could!"
__________________
“Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.”
Last edited by Rocket455; 02-11-2023 at 01:36 PM.. |
Appreciate
6
|
02-08-2023, 04:00 PM | #931 |
Comfortably Numb
855
Rep 655
Posts Drives: '18 x1/'13 X3/'06 330i Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Cortland, Ohio
|
Yeah, and the thing is they accept debit/credit cards, who are these people that can't come up with 6 quarters?
Although, we do have Sheetz gas stations in our neck of the woods that still have free air.
__________________
06 e90 330i/Alpine White/Terra Dakota
13 F25 X3 xDrive 35i/Black Sapphire Metallic/Oyster Nevada 18 F48 X1 xDrive 28i/Black Sapphire Metallic/Black SensaTec |
Appreciate
0
|
02-11-2023, 10:17 AM | #933 |
General
67009
Rep 21,644
Posts |
I went to a gas station to pump up my tyre and the attendant charged me a dollar.
I said it was only 50 cents last week and he replied that it was the price of inflation. |
Appreciate
4
|
02-13-2023, 04:34 AM | #934 |
General
67009
Rep 21,644
Posts |
I ordered milk for a milk bath.
The milkman asked if ''pasteurized''? I said ''no, just under my chin''. |
Appreciate
4
|
02-13-2023, 12:49 PM | #935 |
Colonel
9996
Rep 2,011
Posts |
On a Septic Tank Truck
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
Appreciate
2
Buug95921833.00 Kowalski20111234.50 |
02-13-2023, 08:22 PM | #937 |
Colonel
6259
Rep 2,037
Posts Drives: 2022 M850 GC - Carbon Black Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: PDX
|
|
02-15-2023, 12:04 PM | #939 |
Second Lieutenant
4300
Rep 284
Posts |
My wife and I have determined that counting calories doesn't work, and we have the figures to prove it!
|
Appreciate
8
|
02-15-2023, 05:45 PM | #940 |
Major General
14404
Rep 5,458
Posts |
The wife rang to say the three girls at the office have all received flowers and they're all gorgeous. I said "That's probably why".
|
Appreciate
4
|
02-15-2023, 05:49 PM | #941 |
Major General
14404
Rep 5,458
Posts |
Two aliens land on earth near a petrol station. They get out off their spaceship and walk across the road straight toward the garage. One of them says to the pump: "Earthling, take me to your leader." No answer. He looks at his mate and then addresses the pump again: "Earthling, I said take me to your leader!" Of course, still no response. The alien then says "If this earthling doesn't show me some respect and at least acknowledge me, I'm going to blast him!" At that, the second alien replies, "Ok. I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time. "Earthling take me to your leader!" Still nothing. So the alien then pulls out his ray gun and vaporizes the pump. The station goes up in a huge explosion, blowing the alien all the way down the block to his partner. He gets up, dusts himself off, and turns to the second alien: "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me? "Well, I didn't know exactly what was going to happen. But there's no way I'm gonna mess with a guy whose dick hangs to the ground, wraps around his body twice, and is still long enough to stick in his ear!" |
02-15-2023, 11:11 PM | #942 |
Major General
51928
Rep 7,236
Posts |
I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought “wow, dogs are so easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
|
Appreciate
5
|
02-16-2023, 12:37 PM | #944 |
Major General
51928
Rep 7,236
Posts |
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "it's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
|
Appreciate
2
Dino GT35063.50 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 |
02-19-2023, 12:54 PM | #946 |
Major General
51928
Rep 7,236
Posts |
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
|
Appreciate
7
KRS_SN14404.00 Llarry20736.50 Dino GT35063.50 Buug95921833.00 Samurai of 2day2292.00 cmyx6go16657.50 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 |
Post Reply |
Bookmarks |
|
|