Women's congruence tests... and how to pass them?

[Darth One]

Also, what's a congruence test? Sounds like geometry

[D_o_S]

Congruence = to see if you are congruent with what you say

So, I talked to her and did not get to this topic, because she admitted she was being negative a lot recently... negative weather, negative outlook, negative place and setting, etc... She said she feels tired and exhausted and I did not feel like saying "I have one more negative thing I want to talk about"... She says she needs some rest (objectively so, given the festive season), so I will keep in touch and talk to her regarding this topic when she feels fresher...

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Congruence = to see if you are congruent with what you say

So, I talked to her and did not get to this topic, because she admitted she was being negative a lot recently... negative weather, negative outlook, negative place and setting, etc... She said she feels tired and exhausted and I did not feel like saying "I have one more negative thing I want to talk about"... She says she needs some rest (objectively so, given the festive season), so I will keep in touch and talk to her regarding this topic when she feels fresher...

What you're not realizing is if she was actually into you, she wouldn't be making all these excuses. If she was actually into you she'd put on her best self for you and want to always talk and hang out and be cheery and smiley faced around you.

Instead, these are all friendzone signals at best. At worst she's manipulating you and using you for attention, which is what I'm suspecting.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

What you're not realizing is if she was actually into you, she wouldn't be making all these excuses. If she was actually into you she'd put on her best self for you and want to always talk and hang out and be cheery and smiley faced around you.

Instead, these are all friendzone signals at best. At worst she's manipulating you and using you for attention, which is what I'm suspecting.

I'm getting that feeling too.

OP, tell us about the things you do for her in an effort to win her affections vs. the things she does for you. is it fairly balanced? If not, why?

[SickGTR]

This dudes man card has been officially revoked!! Lol. He is on his own planet 🌏

[D_o_S]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

What you're not realizing is if she was actually into you, she wouldn't be making all these excuses. If she was actually into you she'd put on her best self for you and want to always talk and hang out and be cheery and smiley faced around you.

Instead, these are all friendzone signals at best. At worst she's manipulating you and using you for attention, which is what I'm suspecting.

Ya, this is a good point to some extent... but as I have mentioned, she is the most reliable and honest woman I have been with. What I mean to say is: she never misses a call (almost always answers, and if not, calls back when appropriate). Literally, 0 calls unanswered. She almost never cancels dates, i.e. maybe one or two cancelled times we were to see each other out of 30+ in 6 months. She never says "no" when I want to see her. She invites me to spend time with her as appropriate. She initiates calls as appropriate. She is interested to hear how I am, what I am up to from time to time.

She spends her free time with me, I see her maybe once/twice a week and "every weekend" (maybe one weekend we haven't seen each other in 6 months). She spends her free time with me (i.e. takes time off and we go on a week long roadtrip).

And so I ask myself, if you're going to be with a person, you can't just have sunny days, right? I mean, I am much happier if she answers the phone everytime and says "What a bad day I've had, the sky is falling", rather than not pick up and ghost me for a day or two, and then come back all sunny and optimistic.

We're all different and express ourselves in different ways, and I believe she doesn't know how "mean" she may sometimes sound = she is just trying to express herself. I believe I can withstand anything, and am not a person to judge quickly = so I let her be herself, but at this point now, I would like to talk and discuss with her some patterns I believe I see.

As to what I do for her, yeah, I help her out with things, buy her things, cook her dinner, take her out. To me, it seems like I am the leader and don't leave her much room to initiate. I.e. if I were in her position: there is this guy who I like spending time with, and it's wednesday. I know I am going to see him on friday, sunday, saturday because he called me. On monday, I'll give him time off. On tuesday or wednesday, I will call.

So, all in all I think we have quite a tight relationship because I lead her into seeing each other, and she follows. Out of all the people I know of that she is with (female and male) she has one female friend she hangs out with regularly and has done so for years. From what I have seen, she does not hang out with anyone else as much as me, and "almost certainly" does not hang out with anyone but me when she is tired and not feeling to be "herself".

[tranquility]

Originally Posted by Tommy-G

Youre a better man than me, I was out when you said NO SEX yet

No, you're a better man than me, I quit just reading the title...wth is "congruence" and ppl being 'tested' in order to be deemed worthy to mate??? Insane.

[wren57]

You've been on 30+ dates over 6 months and haven't slept together?

Dude... you're in the friendzone. She's using you for attention and validation while she seeks a mate. If she saw you as a mate, she'd be acting differently (emotionally and physically). People know within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone if they want to sleep with them. She doesn't want to sleep with you. She's not going to start acting differently after 30+ dates and 6 months.

Seriously, if you don't believe you deserve better, you'll be stuck in this position forever. Or, at least until she finds someone better.

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Ya, this is a good point to some extent... but as I have mentioned, she is the most reliable and honest woman I have been with. What I mean to say is: she never misses a call (almost always answers, and if not, calls back when appropriate). Literally, 0 calls unanswered. She almost never cancels dates, i.e. maybe one or two cancelled times we were to see each other out of 30+ in 6 months. She never says "no" when I want to see her. She invites me to spend time with her as appropriate. She initiates calls as appropriate. She is interested to hear how I am, what I am up to from time to time.

She spends her free time with me, I see her maybe once/twice a week and "every weekend" (maybe one weekend we haven't seen each other in 6 months). She spends her free time with me (i.e. takes time off and we go on a week long roadtrip).

And so I ask myself, if you're going to be with a person, you can't just have sunny days, right? I mean, I am much happier if she answers the phone everytime and says "What a bad day I've had, the sky is falling", rather than not pick up and ghost me for a day or two, and then come back all sunny and optimistic.

We're all different and express ourselves in different ways, and I believe she doesn't know how "mean" she may sometimes sound = she is just trying to express herself. I believe I can withstand anything, and am not a person to judge quickly = so I let her be herself, but at this point now, I would like to talk and discuss with her some patterns I believe I see.

As to what I do for her, yeah, I help her out with things, buy her things, cook her dinner, take her out. To me, it seems like I am the leader and don't leave her much room to initiate. I.e. if I were in her position: there is this guy who I like spending time with, and it's wednesday. I know I am going to see him on friday, sunday, saturday because he called me. On monday, I'll give him time off. On tuesday or wednesday, I will call.

So, all in all I think we have quite a tight relationship because I lead her into seeing each other, and she follows. Out of all the people I know of that she is with (female and male) she has one female friend she hangs out with regularly and has done so for years. From what I have seen, she does not hang out with anyone else as much as me, and "almost certainly" does not hang out with anyone but me when she is tired and not feeling to be "herself".

But.... no sex right?






Say it with me..... FRIEND ZONE

[SickGTR]

By this time, you should be bored of sleeping with her. 😋

[cmyx6go]

I've been watching this one but have avoided chiming in. Let me give you a female perspective on this. It's going nowhere. After 6 months, she would have slept with you. This is a friend zone thing, and I use that term friend loosely.

She is using you to keep herself occupied. If you want some one to hang with and occupy your time, that's one thing. But do not kid yourself and think this is going anywhere.

I have no respect for her. I've never strung a guy along. If I knew on the first date I wasn't interested, I would not go on a second.

Sorry to be blunt.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Ya, this is a good point to some extent... but as I have mentioned, she is the most reliable and honest woman I have been with. What I mean to say is: she never misses a call (almost always answers, and if not, calls back when appropriate). Literally, 0 calls unanswered. She almost never cancels dates, i.e. maybe one or two cancelled times we were to see each other out of 30+ in 6 months. She never says "no" when I want to see her. She invites me to spend time with her as appropriate. She initiates calls as appropriate. She is interested to hear how I am, what I am up to from time to time.

She spends her free time with me, I see her maybe once/twice a week and "every weekend" (maybe one weekend we haven't seen each other in 6 months). She spends her free time with me (i.e. takes time off and we go on a week long roadtrip).

And so I ask myself, if you're going to be with a person, you can't just have sunny days, right? I mean, I am much happier if she answers the phone everytime and says "What a bad day I've had, the sky is falling", rather than not pick up and ghost me for a day or two, and then come back all sunny and optimistic.

We're all different and express ourselves in different ways, and I believe she doesn't know how "mean" she may sometimes sound = she is just trying to express herself. I believe I can withstand anything, and am not a person to judge quickly = so I let her be herself, but at this point now, I would like to talk and discuss with her some patterns I believe I see.

As to what I do for her, yeah, I help her out with things, buy her things, cook her dinner, take her out. To me, it seems like I am the leader and don't leave her much room to initiate. I.e. if I were in her position: there is this guy who I like spending time with, and it's wednesday. I know I am going to see him on friday, sunday, saturday because he called me. On monday, I'll give him time off. On tuesday or wednesday, I will call.

So, all in all I think we have quite a tight relationship because I lead her into seeing each other, and she follows. Out of all the people I know of that she is with (female and male) she has one female friend she hangs out with regularly and has done so for years. From what I have seen, she does not hang out with anyone else as much as me, and "almost certainly" does not hang out with anyone but me when she is tired and not feeling to be "herself".

Friendsville, population you.

Sorry bud. You've got yourself a good buddy, not a lover. All that time spent together and no intimacy? Something is wrong. I get that there hasn't been any sex. Has there been any intimacy? No, hugs dont count. Is she like super religious, no sex till marriage?

One of three things is happening here:

1) She's not romantically into you but likes you as a friend and is acting, well, like a friend would. I too talk to my best friend all the time and seem him nearly every weekend.

2) She's hyper religious and is holding out for marriage to have sex.

3) She's got some mega sex-related baggage, like she's been abused, and just isnt going there with anyone.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by wren57

People know within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone if they want to sleep with them.

You should qualify that. Women know within the first 15 seconds. Men know within the first 0.000015 seconds.

[Ultimateone]

6 months, holy shit

[Sophisticated Redneck]

Not saying this to be cruel, but you need to run not walk to a doc and get your testosterone/estrogen checked. I guarantee you are on the low end of the spectrum. Again not an insult, just reality. Once these are optimized, take up the advice many others have already posted on physical fitness but also take up boxing/marital arts classes.

The way you carry yourself will subconsciously change. You may not even notice it at first but women will. Your dating pool will increase exponentially, and you won't waste your time on girls like you are currently chasing.

Bottom line, like anything in life, you have to put in the hard work needed to obtain the results you desire.

[King_Leonard]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

You should qualify that. Women know within the first 15 seconds. Men know within the first 0.000015 seconds.

Speak for yourself. My time is -15 seconds, with the option to change my mind later on.

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by D_o_S

Ya, this is a good point to some extent... but as I have mentioned, she is the most reliable and honest woman I have been with. What I mean to say is: she never misses a call (almost always answers, and if not, calls back when appropriate). Literally, 0 calls unanswered. She almost never cancels dates, i.e. maybe one or two cancelled times we were to see each other out of 30+ in 6 months. She never says "no" when I want to see her. She invites me to spend time with her as appropriate. She initiates calls as appropriate. She is interested to hear how I am, what I am up to from time to time.

She spends her free time with me, I see her maybe once/twice a week and "every weekend" (maybe one weekend we haven't seen each other in 6 months). She spends her free time with me (i.e. takes time off and we go on a week long roadtrip).

And so I ask myself, if you're going to be with a person, you can't just have sunny days, right? I mean, I am much happier if she answers the phone everytime and says "What a bad day I've had, the sky is falling", rather than not pick up and ghost me for a day or two, and then come back all sunny and optimistic.

We're all different and express ourselves in different ways, and I believe she doesn't know how "mean" she may sometimes sound = she is just trying to express herself. I believe I can withstand anything, and am not a person to judge quickly = so I let her be herself, but at this point now, I would like to talk and discuss with her some patterns I believe I see.

As to what I do for her, yeah, I help her out with things, buy her things, cook her dinner, take her out. To me, it seems like I am the leader and don't leave her much room to initiate. I.e. if I were in her position: there is this guy who I like spending time with, and it's wednesday. I know I am going to see him on friday, sunday, saturday because he called me. On monday, I'll give him time off. On tuesday or wednesday, I will call.

So, all in all I think we have quite a tight relationship because I lead her into seeing each other, and she follows. Out of all the people I know of that she is with (female and male) she has one female friend she hangs out with regularly and has done so for years. From what I have seen, she does not hang out with anyone else as much as me, and "almost certainly" does not hang out with anyone but me when she is tired and not feeling to be "herself".

I stopped at 6 months.

You gotta be trolling, I mean, c’mon man!

[upstatedoc]

Six months! For chrissake! How much money have you spent on her?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Six months! For chrissake! How much money have you spent on her?

Significantly less than you spent on your divorce and you aren't getting anything from her either lol:

But I suppose the difference is you are paying her to stay away and he's paying her to stay close.

I don't have a problem with him not having sex yet, I don't view that as a mark of a real relationship (though it will or at least should at some point become a part and hopefully a frequent part of the relationship) but then as a Christian I'm a proponent of saving yourself to marriage. But at that point it should be something you both enjoy and do frequently.

However, there are a lot of other red flags here that have nothing to do with sex. And OP needs to consider them. Make sure she isn't in it for what you spend on her.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Six months! For chrissake! How much money have you spent on her?

The same amount any man spends on a woman.....never enough.

Six months man??? Come on, you HAVE to be trolling. I haven't gone 6 months without sex since I lost my virginity, over 30 years ago.

I'm also going to advise the OP not to date anyone, unless she is not on social media. Oh at the women out there that would love to take advantage of you....oh wait.....nevermind; you're experiencing this first-hand now.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Significantly less than you spent on your divorce and you aren't getting anything from her either lol:
.

That's just mean but I would expect nothing less from a presidential candidate. . Besides, mine was court ordered, he's doing this of his own free will.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I've been watching this one but have avoided chiming in. Let me give you a female perspective on this.

Well FMD you're a women eh, learn something new every day.