Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

rebekahb · 03-12-2021, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

You're not crazy. Kids aren't for everyone. It's ok not to have them. It's better to know that it's not something you want vs compromising and being miserable. This may change and it may not.

4Hockey4 · 03-12-2021, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

Maybe, everyone is different. I can tell you having kids changed my view on life, mostly for the better.

There are exceptions and circumstances, but most folks that have kids would never change it. If its about time and money, don't have them, everything else is a positive...family.

I simply didn't know what I didn't know, or how it would change me....as I move on into 50's, I cant imagine not having them...it was way easier to imagine that at 30.

rebekahb · 03-12-2021, 11:41 PM

@Turkish Pickle

7 months is still new. Communication is key and something you want to get right while the relationship is young. I would definitely talk to her but make sure that you talk to/with her and not at her (I hope this makes sense). I think time apart is a good thing. We all need it. However you decide to tell her, after you say it ask her how it makes her feel. Also, watch her body language to see how she physically reacts (pulls away, shifts around, etc). It's always good to ask questions back and make sure the person understands what you're saying. Sometimes, we think what we are saying is good but the other person doesn't hear it that way or interprets it differently. Asking questions helps create a dialogue to make sure you're on the same page & clears up anything that could have been taken out of context.

I'm not sure who is introverted/extroverted or if y'all are the same but understanding what fuels or wears on these personality types can be helpful. Ex. I'm very introverted. People don't think this but I have to be extroverted for work so when I get home I'm done. My husband is extremely extroverted. He would talk to sheet rock if it talked back. People recharge him. We would be at a party for a few hours & I would be ready to go. He would take forever so by the time we got in the car I was spent and just done. He would say we had such a nice time, what's the problem. It took some work but he now understands that I just need some me time. It's nothing against him and he doesn't take it personal anymore.

I don't know if this helps any but good luck and keep us posted.

Tambohamilton · 03-13-2021, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

If you don't want kids, definitely don't have them! It's something you must be certain about, because there is no undo.

On the other hand, it may never feel like 'the right time' (financially, logistically, etc) to have kids, but sometimes you've just got to start.

My best friend and his wife have decided not to have kids. He thinks he wouldn't be a good dad (he'd be awesome), and likes his time/space/toys. She's a bit of a stress-head, and may have trouble dealing with the chaos and things that go awry each day with kids. But that's all irrelevant really; you don't need to have a reason not to have kids.

Lady Jane · 03-13-2021, 05:23 AM

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.

Sara · 03-13-2021, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.

Buug959 · 03-13-2021, 05:10 PM

I'm just going to leave this here.

TrevorM3 · 03-15-2021, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.

i don't think marriage would slow you down, unless you let it. Kids on the other hand...dont to it

Dang3r · 03-15-2021, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.

Dang woman, you should had elongated your stay at my country, sooner or later I had found you. Would also had prevented me from years and years of search

Dang3r · 03-15-2021, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Es ist schade, nicht wahr? Wie alt bist du?

Beyond mid 50ths. You can handle German still w/o dictionary?

Lady Jane · 03-15-2021, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Beyond mid 50ths. You can handle German still w/o dictionary?

Then you would be 20 years older. Hard pass, sorry.

And yes, I still have retained a lot of the language. I am also fluent in French as I live in a French-Acadian community ( 90% of my patients are French) and my mum taught me some Gaelic. Attachment 2553071

Dang3r · 03-15-2021, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Then you would be 20 years older. Hard pass, sorry.

And yes, I still have retained a lot of the language. I am also fluent in French as I live in a French-Acadian community ( 90% of my patients are French) and my mum taught me some Gaelic. Attachment 2553071

Since I got the impression that the US and German mentality would be completely different and this includes also relationships Im pretty sure that this wouldnt work at longer terms in either way.
I am also fluent in French but I have a lack in pronunciation

Joekerr · 03-15-2021, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

and my mum taught me some Gaelic. Attachment 2553071

Ahah - the language of kings!

If I had an ability to grasp languages, that would be one I would try for, since my mother was born and raised for a decent part of her childhood in Scotland. And my Papa was a typical hard scotsman. You didn't mess with him as a kid, you learned that quick.

Lady Jane · 03-15-2021, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Ahah - the language of kings!

If I had an ability to grasp languages, that would be one I would try for, since my mother was born and raised for a decent part of her childhood in Scotland. And my Papa was a typical hard scotsman. You didn't mess with him as a kid, you learned that quick.

Both my parents came to Canada as children. My mum was from Limerick and my dad from the Northern part of Scotland, a little hamlet outside Kinloss.

Attachment 2553103 Attachment 2553104

MKSixer · 03-15-2021, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.

You can do it all. You seem smart and driven. My mom did it and so can you! I believe in you!!

Tambohamilton · 03-15-2021, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Both my parents came to Canada as children. My mum was from Limerick and my dad from the Northern part of Scotland, a little hamlet outside Kinloss.

Attachment 2553103 Attachment 2553104

Scotsman here, living in England for half my life now. Scottish father, Aussie mother...

Your folks did well getting out of here!

Lady Jane · 03-15-2021, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MKSixer

You can do it all. You seem smart and driven. My mom did it and so can you! I believe in you!!

Thank you for the vote of confidence, but no. Nothing is going to get between me and my bucket list. Attachment 2553398

Dang3r · 03-15-2021, 06:18 PM

Gaelic is hard to learn and to remember, as much as I like to learn new languages, the deeper usage must be visible or it sux for me

MKSixer · 03-16-2021, 01:54 PM

This appeared in my feed since I'm single again. I'm DQ'd because of her racial bias but I thought I'd pass it along. I'm here to help.

You're welcome.

UncleWede · 03-16-2021, 02:46 PM

^ Divorced??? Who let that escape?

Tommy-G · 03-16-2021, 02:48 PM

Hey, big girls need love too

dinonz · 03-16-2021, 02:59 PM

Had another friend come over for the evening Sunday - now I'm convinced I want to be single forever.

Perhaps I'm just apathetic or lazy, but I have never created a playlist in a music app. Never. I listen to the radio, or a CD. My friend wanted to listen to my jukebox, so I queued up the first 5 CDs. Then it started. "Oh - I don't like this song - skip it". Can't. It's a jukebox. Eventually, we switched to radio. Then it continued "Oh - I don't like this song - skip it". Can't. it's radio. "Do you have Spotify?". No. "Pandora?" No.

She's incredibly demanding that everything has to be just perfectly how she wants it - close that blind, turn the air up, turn the music up, skip this song... I clearly have the wrong friends.

03-12-2021, 11:41 PM	#7879
rebekahb First Lieutenant 3207 Rep 320 Posts Drives: 2020 X5 M50i Join Date: Nov 2018 Location: New Orleans, LA iTrader: (0)	@Turkish Pickle 7 months is still new. Communication is key and something you want to get right while the relationship is young. I would definitely talk to her but make sure that you talk to/with her and not at her (I hope this makes sense). I think time apart is a good thing. We all need it. However you decide to tell her, after you say it ask her how it makes her feel. Also, watch her body language to see how she physically reacts (pulls away, shifts around, etc). It's always good to ask questions back and make sure the person understands what you're saying. Sometimes, we think what we are saying is good but the other person doesn't hear it that way or interprets it differently. Asking questions helps create a dialogue to make sure you're on the same page & clears up anything that could have been taken out of context. I'm not sure who is introverted/extroverted or if y'all are the same but understanding what fuels or wears on these personality types can be helpful. Ex. I'm very introverted. People don't think this but I have to be extroverted for work so when I get home I'm done. My husband is extremely extroverted. He would talk to sheet rock if it talked back. People recharge him. We would be at a party for a few hours & I would be ready to go. He would take forever so by the time we got in the car I was spent and just done. He would say we had such a nice time, what's the problem. It took some work but he now understands that I just need some me time. It's nothing against him and he doesn't take it personal anymore. I don't know if this helps any but good luck and keep us posted.
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03-13-2021, 05:23 AM	#7881
Lady Jane Cailín gan eagla. 81593 Rep 1,048 Posts Drives: 2024 X3 M40i and R1200RT bike. Join Date: Mar 2020 Location: Atlantic Canada. iTrader: (0)	Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.
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03-13-2021, 05:10 PM	#7883
Buug959 Captain 23086 Rep 892 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	I'm just going to leave this here. Attached Images __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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03-15-2021, 06:18 PM	#7894
Dang3r Schmollbraten 12482 Rep 1,985 Posts Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp. Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Liandri Central Core iTrader: (0)	Gaelic is hard to learn and to remember, as much as I like to learn new languages, the deeper usage must be visible or it sux for me __________________ Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
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03-16-2021, 01:54 PM	#7895
MKSixer Lieutenant General 34122 Rep 11,637 Posts Drives: 2015 BMW i8, E63 M6, 328d Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Southeast United States iTrader: (0) Garage List 2016 M4 GTS (Allotted) [0.00] 2013 BMW 328d [0.00] 2007 BMW M6 [10.00] 2015 BMW i8 [10.00]	This appeared in my feed since I'm single again. I'm DQ'd because of her racial bias but I thought I'd pass it along. I'm here to help. You're welcome. Attached Images __________________ Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond... Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion.
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03-16-2021, 02:46 PM	#7896
UncleWede Long Time Admirer, First Time Owner 18404 Rep 9,420 Posts Drives: G01 X3 M40i Dark Graphite Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Oxnard, CA iTrader: (0)	^ Divorced??? Who let that escape?
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03-16-2021, 02:48 PM	#7897
Tommy-G Captain 4605 Rep 694 Posts Drives: 2015 435 Vert Alpine White Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Bradenton FL iTrader: (0)	Hey, big girls need love too
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03-16-2021, 02:59 PM	#7898
dinonz Banned 3225 Rep 2,385 Posts Drives: 2016 M3 MWM ZCP Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Austin iTrader: (0)	Had another friend come over for the evening Sunday - now I'm convinced I want to be single forever. Perhaps I'm just apathetic or lazy, but I have never created a playlist in a music app. Never. I listen to the radio, or a CD. My friend wanted to listen to my jukebox, so I queued up the first 5 CDs. Then it started. "Oh - I don't like this song - skip it". Can't. It's a jukebox. Eventually, we switched to radio. Then it continued "Oh - I don't like this song - skip it". Can't. it's radio. "Do you have Spotify?". No. "Pandora?" No. She's incredibly demanding that everything has to be just perfectly how she wants it - close that blind, turn the air up, turn the music up, skip this song... I clearly have the wrong friends.
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