Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Non-smoker. No hair style done by Dairy Queen®. Well attired but no skinny jeans if you're over 40. Able to carry-out an intelligent conversation. Can look me in the eyes instead of my boobs. Bonus point if you have a motorcycle.

And yes I pay my own way. No strings attached. Unless I say so.

K, I'm intrigued - I have not heard the term "hair style done by Dairy Queen", but I think I'm going to like the answer. What does that mean? I'm trying to envision it, but I'm stuck on blizzards and so all I can think of is spikey / twisted hair?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Capt Crunch

I would be interested to see how other people chat it up out of pure curiosity. My way is working out well enough for me, but I know there is more than one way to do things and, to be honest, I have zero idea how other people do it, so maybe there are things that I like that I could incorporate.

For sure - frankly I respond the way I do because I read an insane amount of books as a kid and developed an appreciation for words and how they can be used...and twisted.

To be fair, you only showed us a very small snapshot of your conversation - it's unfair for me to judge you based on that, since context is important. And my post wasn't meant to be directed solely at you, I've just heard / seen a number of responses guys put on these sites and then they post them back here and I'm more often than not just shaking my head.

Fortunately for me, I'm happily married and don't have to worry about any of these sites - man I would hate to be in the dating game right now. A very close friend of mine is, and it just sounds horrible.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Capt Crunch

I understand. There is a lot of missing context (we've been talking for a while) but I see what you're saying.

Ahh I see, if chatting for a while then no big deal, but I know people who will bombard someone with messages right away and it's a big turn off.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

For sure - frankly I respond the way I do because I read an insane amount of books as a kid and developed an appreciation for words and how they can be used...and twisted.

To be fair, you only showed us a very small snapshot of your conversation - it's unfair for me to judge you based on that, since context is important. And my post wasn't meant to be directed solely at you, I've just heard / seen a number of responses guys put on these sites and then they post them back here and I'm more often than not just shaking my head.

Fortunately for me, I'm happily married and don't have to worry about any of these sites - man I would hate to be in the dating game right now. A very close friend of mine is, and it just sounds horrible.

I can confirm that it is horrible.

Basically the normal people get slammed with messages from weirdoes so they opt out soon after, and all that are left are the weirdoes.

[Capt Crunch]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Fortunately for me, I'm happily married and don't have to worry about any of these sites - man I would hate to be in the dating game right now. A very close friend of mine is, and it just sounds horrible.

It's not great... and potentially worse for me because I met my ex wife when we were 15, so I'm not exactly brimming with dating experience. Thankfully, I'm old enough to know what I want and worry a lot less about impressing the other person with what I think they want.

One thing that has helped considerably: wearing something sharp and getting professional photos. Women aren't exactly throwing themselves at me online and I think (hope!) that I'm on the higher end of the spectrum for my age. So I imagine for most guys it's a bit of a bloodbath.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Dating sites:

Chatting on the internet and first date.


Attachment 2519537

I never understood this. Most of my photos are recent, and I'm probably more outgoing in person than I am online. Yet some of the women I've met are about 40 lbs heavier than their photos that were from at least 5 years prior.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Sweet, kind and just be me? Check, check and double check.....you made no mention of matters of the bedroom though. Is this something that isn't quite as important as the other three? (This is a joke as well, I'm baiting you) The only envy that I have, is that I'm bald (I keep it shaved) and can't grow a beard (yup, keep that shaved too). As the OP of this thread, there isn't much I won't discuss or have any shame about.

The bedroom is a given. If you don't put out, you have to get out. Size matters, all that jazz.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Wait, I thought all along Sara504 was talking about MKSixer as the Southern gentleman she had met.

Nope. Never met MkSixer. Don't even know what he looks like. He says he's hot, but has yet to post his photo....

[Sara]

Originally Posted by dinonz

This really confirms what I stated earlier - attractive people have NO IDEA. You were far from ugly beforehand, and afterwards - you have simply changed your target market from one culture to another. I personally don't think you improved your looks, just changed them.

I've delayed responding while I thought about things and read other peoples responses, and my head is just a bigger mess now than it was then, so sorry if this is a rambling jumble of comments. And Sara504 , this isn't all directed at you per se - it's kind of a combined response to a lot of messages from various people.

As for what I'm doing about my looks, not a lot. I bought a treadmill recently to start exercising, because I rescued a dog who is rather hostile to other people and dogs, so going out walking with him is difficult. I could consider plastic surgery, but in the past 12 months I have spent $1.5M (cash) on cars here, in the UK and in NZ, and another $200K helping friends through hard times or with life goals like having a child. I am still helping 3 friends with day to day living, one of whom had a brain tumor diagnosis last November, so I'm paying about $5k a month for her rehabilitation and living in the mean time. I'm also building a new home to house my growing car collection, so that covers the "look into surgery" comments, as well as the "it's all about how you treat people". Not that its all about how much money you spend on people, but trust me - my friends and anyone I date are treated extremely well.

At the same time, things like botox for wrinkles are one thing. Changing a jaw line, or protruding chin etc. are harder and more invasive. If it were just my nose, I could have that dealt with. But this just follows on from my earlier comments that I don't think you understand where I'm starting from - especially when you say you think you were ugly. It's like in your world you see 9 as ugly and 10 as perfect - yet some of us live firmly in the 3 territory. You don't seem to have any true idea of the scale, nor what ugly actually means.

Another big major part that's hard to describe is "whether it's worth it" but that ties into a LOT of things in my life that you need to understand also. I have been working hard all my life (by hard, I mean often 100+ hours a week 52 weeks a year - not just "a bit of overtime" here and there). In the past 10 years that has served me very well. Prior to that, I learned a lot that served me well in the past 10 years, but it means I have been mostly single for my entire life. And I'm used to that. Used to making my own decisions. I actually fear being in a relationship and discovering that I don't like to share the decision making etc. so there's actually reasons in my head to remain single. My builder laughed with me that I'm getting a feature in my house he has always wanted in all the homes he's built, and his wife will never agree to it. To me I'm glad I get what I want. To him - he's obviously happier with his wife. I'm not sure I would be - that's the worst part of being old and starting a new relationship. If I had been with someone for 30 years, I probably wouldn't care so much. So I really do not know if I would even be happier in a relationship or not, so why sacrifice all the good food and wine I can enjoy to stay fit and healthy for something that doesn't make me happier?

And then there's the cars/money. Yes, I have a Lambo. 3 in fact. And a Ferrari, 2 Lotuses, a Sunbeam Tiger, and my lowly M3 as a daily driver. That's not counting the Camaro and Hyundai Elantra i bought for friends who needed help. To me the issue with dating is that I don't have a cheap shitbox to drive to a date. But none of those cars are there to impress anyone but me. I bought them for me and me alone. And the last thing I would want is to date someone because of any of those cars. I spend a lot of time talking to people about the cars in car parks, but I've never dated anyone because of it - but not by my choice. I'm so ugly nobody has ever asked for my contact details lol.

Sorry for the ramble, and no doubt I've forgotten half of what I wanted to say.

My jaw dropped. All that money and he doesn't think I've improved

Teasing. Not really, but moving on!

YOU ARE NOT UGLY. You have so much potential and you have the means to do something. Ever heard the phrase, "You're not ugly, you're just broke." Well that clearly doesn't apply to you. Let's get it done. You've got to take the first step. Personally, I'd start with a shave (if you haven't already) and a fresh cut and dye job. Or keep the color you have, your choice, but let's get it styled. That's going to boost your confidence right there.

Are you on any dating sites? If so, what photos are you using? Can we see them? I'd love to help and give insight on what women want to see in a man's profile.

What type of woman are you targeting? Describe your perfect (realistically perfect) woman.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by swagon

Weird that guys would feel uncomfortable. I've heard that it is more expected for them to pay over there in North America, is that the reason maybe?

If it's a first date especially, I always go dutch and no one here has had issue with that either, be it the pub, activity venues or a hotel room. Some dates, she would even buy me drinks first and then we'd take rounds to make it equal.

I've become 100% sober since then so once I get back on the apps later this year, I'll have to start going for coffee even though I hate coffee. Can already see the confused looks.

It's quite common over here for the man to pay. I've never been on a date where I was asked to pay or even split. That goes to say that I have paid for dinner before, and he was caught off guard by it and tried to talk me out of it.

[nyalpine90]

[Sara]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I never understood this. Most of my photos are recent, and I'm probably more outgoing in person than I am online. Yet some of the women I've met are about 40 lbs heavier than their photos that were from at least 5 years prior.

No way! They catfished you with their own photo That's terrible.

[MKSixer]

Attachment 2519558

Originally Posted by Sara504

Nope. Never met MkSixer. Don't even know what he looks like. He says he's hot, but has yet to post his photo....

I've posted photos before...

And I don't say I'm hot...I'm just a guy that does ok. I'm an engaging conversationalist with slightly above average looks.

Here is a quick one.

And down now.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Sara504

My jaw dropped. All that money and he doesn't think I've improved

Teasing. Not really, but moving on!

YOU ARE NOT UGLY. You have so much potential and you have the means to do something. Ever heard the phrase, "You're not ugly, you're just broke." Well that clearly doesn't apply to you. Let's get it done. You've got to take the first step. Personally, I'd start with a shave (if you haven't already) and a fresh cut and dye job. Or keep the color you have, your choice, but let's get it styled. That's going to boost your confidence right there.

Are you on any dating sites? If so, what photos are you using? Can we see them? I'd love to help and give insight on what women want to see in a man's profile.

What type of woman are you targeting? Describe your perfect (realistically perfect) woman.

I'd disagree with hair dye, don't want to look like giuliani in the warm TX sun. Plus so many girls (especially younger ones) LOVE the salt and pepper look. Agree with a trip to the barber though.

to add on to this, what are you looking for? you have nice cars and if you have a boat or access to one i have some friends who have accompanied men in the past. you'd be surprised how big that scene is actually, normal people from college have two phones, different texting apps they use specifically for one guy etc

but obviously if that's not what you're after i don't think i'd be much help.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I'd disagree with hair dye, don't want to look like giuliani in the warm TX sun. Plus so many girls (especially younger ones) LOVE the salt and pepper look. Agree with a trip to the barber though.

to add on to this, what are you looking for? you have nice cars and if you have a boat or access to one i have some friends who have accompanied men in the past. you'd be surprised how big that scene is actually, normal people from college have two phones, different texting apps they use specifically for one guy etc

but obviously if that's not what you're after i don't think i'd be much help.

Salt and pepper look is hot, in moderation. I can't remember what his hair color looks exactly like now as he deleted his photo!! Was trying to go off memory.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Sara504

No way! They catfished you with their own photo That's terrible.

Yup, I actually felt kinda sorry for her, but honestly if you aren't straight forward with who you are I won't stick around.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Nope. Never met MkSixer. Don't even know what he looks like. He says he's hot, but has yet to post his photo....

He's a gentleman and a scowler.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Salt and pepper look is hot, in moderation. I can't remember what his hair color looks exactly like now as he deleted his photo!! Was trying to go off memory.

Gray temples when it grows out but I keep a crew-cut most of the time. Whomever I happen to be dating generally like it grown out because I have nice hair but it irritates the heck out of me when it is growing out.

[MKSixer]

Here is fairly typical of the type I like. This one is from 2 years ago. I'm more into blondes now.

Photo removed.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Gray temples when it grows out but I keep a crew-cut most of the time. Whomever I happen to be dating generally like it grown out because I have nice hair but it irritates the heck out of me when it is growing out.

Show me...

[Sara]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Yup, I actually felt kinda sorry for her, but honestly if you aren't straight forward with who you are I won't stick around.

It's usually the opposite with me. The guy shows up and looking sooo much better than his photos.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Show me...

For a few minutes...
The nose is still a bit crooked buy nothing like before.

Removed.