The Husband/Dad Rant Thread!

[Alfisti]

Biggest error i see are parents who refuse to divide and conquer and do EVERYTHING together. All this does is leave you both utterly gassed and stressed, we all need some time to unwind. Again, once she has healed and jnr is feeding well I have no idea why the man wakes 3 times a night to breast feed a baby, what so you can do his daiper? Why? She is up regardless. Get some sleep, good sleep and when you get home from work, kiss the wife, grab the baby, do the dishes, make dinner etc and send the wife to run a bath and chill for a couple hours because you have the energy.

Instead you walk in like a fucking zombie and she is a zombie and shit hits the fan.

[MPOWER5266]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Biggest error i see are parents who refuse to divide and conquer and do EVERYTHING together. All this does is leave you both utterly gassed and stressed, we all need some time to unwind. Again, once she has healed and jnr is feeding well I have no idea why the man wakes 3 times a night to breast feed a baby, what so you can do his daiper? Why? She is up regardless. Get some sleep, good sleep and when you get home from work, kiss the wife, grab the baby, do the dishes, make dinner etc and send the wife to run a bath and chill for a couple hours because you have the energy.

Instead you walk in like a fucking zombie and she is a zombie and shit hits the fan.

My wife and I have worked out that she will take the night shift since she works from home and has more time to sleep during the day. I'll handle the morning stuff before work and when I get home up until about 10. I hope this works out.

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by MPOWER5266

My wife and I have worked out that she will take the night shift since she works from home and has more time to sleep during the day. I'll handle the morning stuff before work and when I get home up until about 10. I hope this works out.

Another good practice we implemented when things normalized was giving each other the "night out" once a week. Have her go to happy hour with the friends or you to the movies with some buddies, whatever it may be. Not too much, but enough to maintain contact with the real world and sanity to boot. Just something that helped us

[MPOWER5266]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

Another good practice we implemented when things normalized was giving each other the "night out" once a week. Have her go to happy hour with the friends or you to the movies with some buddies, whatever it may be. Not too much, but enough to maintain contact with the real world and sanity to boot. Just something that helped us

I'll be happy if I can just go wash my car once in a while. It would be nice to grab a cigar with my buddies though.

[zx10guy]

The divide and conquer is all well and good if your other half is willing to cooperate. My situation involved a total control freak. She had to have complete control over our daughter. Whatever anyone did wasn't good enough. She would literally take my head off if I did something minor or something she didn't like. An example was when she asked me to watch our daughter. I was happy to do so. When she came back she saw I was holder our daughter while working on my laptop. The crime? I had the nerve to respond to emails while I was working from home. Mind you our daughter was asleep and content. She literally drove herself crazy because she had to be in control over everything. She wouldn't let our daughter cry at night. Every little peep out of our daughter she was up. Other parents and even the pediatrician said it's fine to let our baby cry but just to monitor our baby to ensure she doesn't hyperventilate or choke.

On the night out thing. Yeah, did that too. She asked to hang out with her friends. No problem. I stayed home with our baby. That was once a month. Which then morphed to once every two weeks, then every week, then multiple times during the week. I kept a log of all the times she ran out. And to complete the above picture I presented of her controlling nature, she decided I wasn't to be trusted to have our daughter alone. So she would run off to her mothers to leave our daughter there while she went out clubbing. I had to spend over a year after the separation to repair the damage she created between my daughter and me.

While what I'm stating with my situation is extreme, it's a cautionary tale of how things can spin out of control quickly if you don't keep your eyes open and clamp down on it early. Don't be me.

[wdb]

zx10guy I think you need to start the 'Divorced/Evil Partner Rant Thread'.

I am a divorced dad, single parent for over 10 years. It was all a long time ago. The divorce was a cinch, all I had to do was pay for the entire thing and let my ex refuse to sign the paperwork until our state law (blessedly) let me off the hook by default. The custody battle was a war. Being a single parent was a huge load to bear.

Blah blah blah. I look back and what I really remember is how great it was -- and still is -- to be a dad.

[MPOWER5266]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

The divide and conquer is all well and good if your other half is willing to cooperate. My situation involved a total control freak. She had to have complete control over our daughter. Whatever anyone did wasn't good enough. She would literally take my head off if I did something minor or something she didn't like. An example was when she asked me to watch our daughter. I was happy to do so. When she came back she saw I was holder our daughter while working on my laptop. The crime? I had the nerve to respond to emails while I was working from home. Mind you our daughter was asleep and content. She literally drove herself crazy because she had to be in control over everything. She wouldn't let our daughter cry at night. Every little peep out of our daughter she was up. Other parents and even the pediatrician said it's fine to let our baby cry but just to monitor our baby to ensure she doesn't hyperventilate or choke.

On the night out thing. Yeah, did that too. She asked to hang out with her friends. No problem. I stayed home with our baby. That was once a month. Which then morphed to once every two weeks, then every week, then multiple times during the week. I kept a log of all the times she ran out. And to complete the above picture I presented of her controlling nature, she decided I wasn't to be trusted to have our daughter alone. So she would run off to her mothers to leave our daughter there while she went out clubbing. I had to spend over a year after the separation to repair the damage she created between my daughter and me.

While what I'm stating with my situation is extreme, it's a cautionary tale of how things can spin out of control quickly if you don't keep your eyes open and clamp down on it early. Don't be me.

Oof man, thats rough. I dont think my wife and I will have that issue. Neither of us were out clubbing even in our early 20's. I will just be happy if my buddies can come hang out and shoot the shit in the garage on a Friday night and she would love having her girl friends over for some wine on the deck.

[Darth One]

Boy this thread got introspective and deep.

I came here expecting to laugh at stupid shit that wives and husbands put each other through

[Alfisti]

Little knows fact, far all the bleating by every group bar middle aged men, the biggest killer of under 50 year old men is suicide. There's pressure coming from somewhere.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Little knows fact, far all the bleating by every group bar middle aged men, the biggest killer of under 50 year old men is suicide. There's pressure coming from somewhere.

"We all get a little sad sometimes" - Jim Jeffries on his gun control bit.

Which was hilarious. Just a shame its broken up into Part 1 and Part 2 on most Youtube videos, have to look to find them together.

[Alfisti]

It is HILARIOUS but would cause 80% members here to choke on their breakfast of cornflakes and glock ammunition.

[UncleWede]

It's not for everyone, but we slept with the baby between us. When he woke up and was hungry, wife just rolled over and put a nipple in his mouth. I think she rolled him out of bed once, but we never squished him. *I* on the other hand dropped him out of a shopping cart onto cement floors, TWICE, in the SAME TRIP. I also punched a hole in the wall when I got home.

I was STILL exhausted for about 2 years. Thank God my wife's aunt was available to babysit, she had a few of the cousins all together. I teased her for quite a while that she signed up until he was 18.

Later this month he turns 21, and I'm still tired. Turns out maybe it wasn't the kid, he hasn't been in our bed for about 9 years . . .

[Colodano]

Dad to a 5 yr old, and since I have been separated from my wife for almost 3 years now, she has split the time between us, in different countries. Since covid happened on her time, I have seen my daughter a total of 10 days so far this year in person.

That is tough, even with lots of video chats and phone calls. I am still in the loop on everything, I get all the contact info from her school and such, and it has all been to provide as solid and grounded a rearing for her, even if we aren't always together.

When she was born, I would take plenty of the night time wake-ups, unless she needed food, to let my wife rest since she had her all day. We did wean her into her own crib pretty early, and that helped a lot, but the first 3 months were still very minimal sleep for us both, as I was also finishing the lacrosse season, so that kept me at practice or games 3-4 nights a week until late. I took most of the year paternity leave that I could take in Canada, and she went back to work at about 4 months, so I got lots of the young stage moments, standing, walking, first words etc. It was great fun, and I am so glad I had those times. Now it's hard when I see how many milestones she is hitting, writing sentences, reading, memorizing names, numbers, home address etc. At least I get to be there on the phone for some of it...
Putting your own mental health first can be tough, and I let it slide for a few years. Getting better now, and I love my daughter more than anything in the world.

[Merlin_83]

Ha! Finally a forum post I can really relate to. Dad of twin boys, they are 17 now, and wow!! they are very different people. They are fraternal, not identical. And one is a real handful to keep 'in-line' and the other is the proverbial 'parent-pleaser' he's always behaving and doing good stuff.

But I will tell all the new dads out there, it goes by so quickly. Take lots of pictures, hug your kids often, tell them you love them always. Enforce 'right and wrong' from day one. Meaning don't let stuff slide, if someone did something wrong then apologize and own the mistake.

And for boys - get them in sports, sports, sports - before stupid COVID our boys were on a wild ride of lacrosse practice, conditioning, weight training, and more lacrosse practice.

Since they were age 5 they have always been in sports. Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Football - you gotta run them hard like the wild horses they are to keep them in-line and get them too exhausted to fight each other. Closing note: I love my sons more than anything else in the world, they can be buggers sometimes, but they are the best.


Cheers,
Merlin

[Alfisti]

Not judging but i would avoid the kid sleeping in your bed at ALL costs, it's a road to massive pain. HIGHLY recommend sleep raining at 6 to 8 months.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by jpy1980

I never seen this type of thread before so I'll start.

I just had my second kid during this pandemic and man oh man is it tiring!

I also have a 3 year old who discovered the lovely task of waking up in the middle of the night to drag me out of bed onto their bed. I haven't had a good nights rest since June!

PLUS WE ARE STUCK AT HOME ALL DAY EVERY DAY DUE TO THIS PANDEMIC!

Also, I want a truck but my wife says no! BAH! I can't have my F80 and a truck because "that's wasteful"

Please guys, commiserate with me so I can feel better! =P

CHEERS!

I got lots to say... but I also get you but this shit isn't a gender thing. It's more like being overwhelmed by life thing.

Bad news: you'll be sleeping well when the kids hit the age of 5. It'll last for a year, then you can just kiss that old life goodbye again. The bad news is that most women can't do shit like what i did. Can your wife take a month off and hit the road? If she can, trust me, life will get easier.

Parenting sucks. Everyone sane here tells you it will get harder and harder. We all while telling you that just forget the beautiful moments, the tiny seconds before hell breaks lose again and those few seconds even miles apart makes it all worth it.

I'm going to end this post by quoting my old drill sergeant. he very kindly and not at all in front of everyone (only 130 guys watching) told me why learning how to do pushups his way would be good for me.

"Failing is an option. People do it all the time."

[Alfisti]

No way it gets harder, age 0-1 is 10 times harder than age 4 to 5 for example. Waking every 3 hrs is just absolutely gutting, and the RELENTLESS crying.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

No way it gets harder, age 0-1 is 10 times harder than age 4 to 5 for example. Waking every 3 hrs is just absolutely gutting, and the RELENTLESS crying.

My babies slept straight through the night, thenlearned how to read at ages like 1 year and 10months . I used to babysit a heroin baby for 18hours per day so i know about the crying shit too. In my opinion, when they learn to talk and to walk, when your influence starts showing, then you're fucked.

[TboneS54]

Sleep training for the win. Don't give in.

Discipline from the beginning even before they really grasp it. More about modelling behavior.

All food has been non-gmo, organic, cooked from raw every single day. It's exhausting, but he's so strong, smart and healthy.

Greatest trick I've learned so far is to explain what I'm about to do (they get it even if you don't think they will lol). He's got fomo & it stops the crying and let's him get back to playing or whatever.

Talking and reading books in a foreign language. Numbers, letters & color exercises earlier than what might be suggested. Doesn't have to be heavy. Kids will rise to the level you set.

Please & thank you every. single. time.

Say hello and say the person's name for greetings every. single. time.

Back to the point about fomo, asking them to "help" you carry something or whatever, even a piece of paper, make them feel involved, they love it. It's so easy to just do it yourself. Patience sucks but ya, slow down and involve them.

Run them, have them climb over couch cushions, whatever, tire them out!

[floridaorange]

^I'm on board with 100% of that. Well said.

[TboneS54]

It's fresh! I'm in the shit right now

[Lups]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Being a parent is tiring all the way around sir. Mine are 20 and 21. I wished that someone had told me before kids that (most) marriages don't last and that kids give not a single shit about the hell you go through, as a parent, to feed, clothe, educate and instill good morals. I love my boys more than life itself, but amazes me at how they care not for the sacrifices made for them...no matter how great or how insignificant.

In reality, wrap your arms around those little shits and enjoy every second you can with them. The next 15-18 years is going to fly by. Then you'll still be tired......and wish they were the size they are now. Each age comes with it's own challenges. Something else no one ever told me, being a parent is more of the kids teaching you to be a parent that you teaching your kids a damn thing. Enjoy the ride, it will be bumpy....but also very rewarding.

This.

This, all of it.