Helped out a family member, now he keeps a$king for more $$$

[1MOREMOD]

Hey going fast is a good cause

[F30lolz]

This makes me think of a stupid idea. Start a thread and each member contribute $5 to any member who is having a rough patch. That money isn't paid back to each member (member A doesn't have to pay back member B through Z) but if member G is short on cash for whatevs, any member who took $$ would have to contribute. Wonder if this would effect iTrader scores

[gtron]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

This makes me think of a stupid idea. Start a thread and each member contribute $5 to any member who is having a rough patch. That money isn't paid back to each member (member A doesn't have to pay back member B through Z) but if member G is short on cash for whatevs, any member who took $$ would have to contribute. Wonder if this would effect iTrader scores

all of a sudden all ot is having a rough patch.

getting random ppl to give you $5 for a product in return on an ebay store is can be tough. i know different maybe.

if something like that did work though, this forum would turn in to a horde of beggars over time.

[UncleWede]

I need to buy some spider food, can somebody help an older gentleman out??

[3.0L]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I need to buy some spider food, can somebody help an older gentleman out??

Peruvian Racing Spiders?

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by 3.0L

Peruvian Racing Spiders?

Yes (if it gets me a larger fund)

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by Axius

Never ever ever ever ever give anyone money!

You'll either;
A. Never get it back
B. Asked for more
C. Never get it back
D. Asked for more


There are ways to come into money if his case is as bad as it is. I've done it on my own, stop giving people handouts and make them work for their own damn selves. Fuck.

Originally Posted by Delta0311

If someone is broke they will usually stay broke so your chance of ever getting paid back is slim to none because they obviously cannot manage their finances. If they are broke and unemployed then you better believe that you will never get paid back..

Whenever i lend money to someone, i always keep in mind that i'll never get that money back.

[F30lolz]

The thing that bothers me the most about this is that he can sell his car, get at least $10k from Car Max, even $9k up front and just get cheaper wheels and still have money to get back on his feet. Because of his last text, he is probably mad at me but I did what I could but because I couldn't come through a 2nd, 3rd, even 4th time I'm the bad guy. Whatever.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

Because of his last text, he is probably mad at me but I did what I could but because I couldn't come through a 2nd, 3rd, even 4th time I'm the bad guy. Whatever.

Exactly. Whatever.

This is a relative you hadn't seen in years. He should be thanking you non-stop for coming through for him in a time of need. Where are his closer relatives? Think about it, even his dad cut him off. That tells me the problem with your cousin is himself, not his heart/mental condition - he's just milking that.

Don't feel bad, OP. Not even the slightest. That you started this thread makes me feel like you're feeling a bit of guilt or that your sympathy is getting the best of you. We usually take care of those closest to us. You went above and beyond for a distant cousin. You done good!

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

The thing that bothers me the most about this is that he can sell his car, get at least $10k from Car Max, even $9k up front and just get cheaper wheels and still have money to get back on his feet. Because of his last text, he is probably mad at me but I did what I could but because I couldn't come through a 2nd, 3rd, even 4th time I'm the bad guy. Whatever.

You did your share, good job on your part.

In my case, we were five kids and a single mom living in a house. I made the most money out of everyone but not by much.
So whenever it came time to spend money or pay a bill, everyone will complain that they don't make enough. They won't even contribute a dime. I was always the one to fork up all the expenses.
When we had family dinner at restaurants, i paid. Gas bill, utility bills, taxes, etc i paid everything because well "i made the most out of all my siblings". At the end of each month i'll be broke as a joke, meanwhile my siblings used their money for the latest shoes, went to concerts and had money stashed up and lived "yolo".

Good thing i put an end to that nonsense. Shit was annoying.

[gtron]

F30lolz he just needs that meth, bro.

[F30lolz]

Originally Posted by gtron

F30lolz he just needs that meth, bro.

Forgot to mention he has tried to kill himself in the past.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

Forgot to mention he has tried to kill himself in the past.

STOP IT! You keep making excuses for him.

Either:
a. Decide to help him due to all of his struggles that you keep bringing up, or
b. Decide this distant cousin, who won't sacrifice to help himself, cannot be helped due to the aforementioned lack of sacrifice and put this incident behind you.

Stop complaining that he won't stop asking you for money but then turn around and say "but he has a condition, he is hurt, I used to look up to him, he tried to kill himself".

Neither decision would be wrong in my view (not that it matters), but just pick whether you want to help or not and move forward.

[F30lolz]

Originally Posted by grieverr

STOP IT! You keep making excuses for him.

Either:
a. Decide to help him due to all of his struggles that you keep bringing up, or
b. Decide this distant cousin, who won't sacrifice to help himself, cannot be helped due to the aforementioned lack of sacrifice and put this incident behind you.

Stop complaining that he won't stop asking you for money but then turn around and say "but he has a condition, he is hurt, I used to look up to him, he tried to kill himself".

Neither decision would be wrong in my view (not that it matters), but just pick whether you want to help or not and move forward.

No, not making excuses for him. I made this thread out of anger, noticed I was taken advantage of. I'm afraid of contacting him again because then he'll ask for a handout or whatever it may be. It won't be the same when we were younger and that is his fault.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

It won't be the same when we were younger and that is his fault.

Yea, it's obvious you hold your past relationship in higher regard than he does. That does suck and it hurts. Sorry to hear.

[F30lolz]

Originally Posted by grieverr

Yea, it's obvious you hold your past relationship in higher regard than he does. That does suck and it hurts. Sorry to hear.

I'll just turn the page. I'm actually leaving work early to pick up wifey and my son so he can get drafted into whichever team picks him for little league. For a 8 yr old he is a decent player. He played two years ago and had good numbers (.324 avg, 12 doubles, 3 HR - they were inside the park HR's) but didn't want to play last year. He's excited about tonight as games begin next month.

[grieverr]

F30lolz Awesome! Enjoy the draft!

[3.0L]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

The thing that bothers me the most about this is that he can sell his car, get at least $10k from Car Max, even $9k up front and just get cheaper wheels and still have money to get back on his feet. Because of his last text, he is probably mad at me but I did what I could but because I couldn't come through a 2nd, 3rd, even 4th time I'm the bad guy. Whatever.

Man, I can really relate to this dilemma.

I have another close relative who hits me up for a loan at least once a year. And there's always some big story behind the need: new tires; transmission repair; took a vacation that they thought they deserved, but couldn't afford, etc.

So, I changed my response. Instead of feeling sorry for these people and accepting a guilt-trip, I ask questions. In the case above, I ask if he's finally moved out of the big house he can't afford and into something he can afford. I mean, his kids moved out years ago, but he continues to pay rent on a huge house. Makes no sense.

Anyway, after I ask the question, all I hear is a rash of excuses and trumped up reasons why they haven't moved to a smaller, more affordable home.

All I gave them was something to chew on. End of discussion. It's on them to get their act together.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by 3.0L

So, I changed my response. Instead of feeling sorry for these people and accepting a guilt-trip, I ask questions.

That's exactly what I do! I also call them out on stupid purchases. I had a similar thing going on but on a very small scale. This is someone who finally (after years of unemployment) got a barely-above minimum wage job. I loaned this person $1k recently, not expecting it back, so I'm not upset about it.

We were on the phone the other day and he told me he was on his way to Best Buy to buy a movie. So I told him how stupid he was being spending $50 (taxi to and from, plus the movie) on that, when he is still behind on all his bills. "Yea, I guess you're right" was his response.

I do think people like this need to be educated about money. Not that I am any kind of expert, but people spend mindlessly, especially when they don't have the means to. And just like your example, people sure are reluctant to improve their own situations by adjusting themselves.

[UncleWede]

ALL of you need to go out, water, and prune a little extra off your money tree and help a brother out, jeez

[gtron]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

Forgot to mention he has tried to kill himself in the past.

he needs to help himself. if anything you're helping to kill him by being an enabler.

mind you, i've read very little of this thread and just keep randomly tossing in replies so i don't really know the situation.

[EL Jeffe 5]

Dude are you serious only $135 If I was your cousin I would disown you.
I would give $135 to stranger. You should at least give him $500 so he can get some presents for his son as you know christmas is coming up.
If he keeps coming back I would tell him get of his lazy ass and get a job.

Not judging