Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[UncleWede]

dinonz got the friend-zone?

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

dinonz got the friend-zone?

So he thinks.....for now. I see this going a different direction. She is obviously into him, but she is afraid and he is afraid of ruining what is there by wanting more. What he doesn't know is that she secretly wants the same thing he does, she simply doesn't know how to act and/or go about dealing with her emotions all while protecting herself. I've seen this show before. The life of Jody ages 20 to 40.

dinonz relax, chill and stay your course. Don't force anything and just take your time. Be the good guy you already are with her and she will slowly open up to you....and if she doesn't, sit back drink a beer and look at your gorgeous cars, then reflect on your life. You're doing much better than most. Finances and other matters you have control over in life seem to mean nothing when you can't wrap your fingers around the things you can not control, i.e. other people's emotions. Difficult and frustrating yes, but as with everything else in life; it's all in how you perceive it, look at it or mentally process it.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

So he thinks.....for now. I see this going a different direction. She is obviously into him, but she is afraid and he is afraid of ruining what is there by wanting more. What he doesn't know is that she secretly wants the same thing he does, she simply doesn't know how to act and/or go about dealing with her emotions all while protecting herself. I've seen this show before. The life of Jody ages 20 to 40.

dinonz relax, chill and stay your course. Don't force anything and just take your time. Be the good guy you already are with her and she will slowly open up to you....and if she doesn't, sit back drink a beer and look at your gorgeous cars, then reflect on your life. You're doing much better than most. Finances and other matters you have control over in life seem to mean nothing when you can't wrap your fingers around the things you can not control, i.e. other people's emotions. Difficult and frustrating yes, but as with everything else in life; it's all in how you perceive it, look at it or mentally process it.

That last paragraph...well said!

[213e90n51]

Im american sex machine

[premier3is]

^ this guy man.. lol

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by TrevorM3

i think someone in here hit that precisely on the head

Probably did. She was here until late, and had to leave to go work all night on another car. During our talks it came up that I was out of milk for my morning coffee so would have to dash out and get some when I woke up.

Sometime early morning she drove back to my place, let herself in (she has electronic access to my house) and put a bottle of milk in the fridge for me.



This is why she confuses me.

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

dinonz got the friend-zone?

Story of my life

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

So he thinks.....for now. I see this going a different direction. She is obviously into him, but she is afraid and he is afraid of ruining what is there by wanting more. What he doesn't know is that she secretly wants the same thing he does, she simply doesn't know how to act and/or go about dealing with her emotions all while protecting herself. I've seen this show before. The life of Jody ages 20 to 40.

dinonz relax, chill and stay your course. Don't force anything and just take your time. Be the good guy you already are with her and she will slowly open up to you....and if she doesn't, sit back drink a beer and look at your gorgeous cars, then reflect on your life. You're doing much better than most. Finances and other matters you have control over in life seem to mean nothing when you can't wrap your fingers around the things you can not control, i.e. other people's emotions. Difficult and frustrating yes, but as with everything else in life; it's all in how you perceive it, look at it or mentally process it.

Indeed. I think maybe there's a spark there she's just scared of it. To win her over, I have to just take a back seat, show her I care and mean it, and let her relax and start to accept that. In the mean time, my pool is nearly finished, she's shown me the playboy bikini she bought to wear in it, so I'm just hoping I don't have a heart attack before claiming my prize. Whether anything happens or not, I think she plans to hang around for a long time. I think the wise move here is not to make a move, but be there in every way I can.

[TrevorM3]

Originally Posted by dinonz

Probably did. She was here until late, and had to leave to go work all night on another car. During our talks it came up that I was out of milk for my morning coffee so would have to dash out and get some when I woke up.

Sometime early morning she drove back to my place, let herself in (she has electronic access to my house) and put a bottle of milk in the fridge for me.



This is why she confuses me.

if i end up getting to your age, with no wife, i sincerely hope i can find a chick who is much younger than me to bring me food while i sleep. God bless you

[wcr3d]

Just to throw this out there, she may be seeing you as a father figure type?

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by wcr3d

Just to throw this out there, she may be seeing you as a father figure type?

I had considered that, given she's never met her own father.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

All those in favour of the user name change to king rudi, say i

That fits! I would vote for him.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

TP what's done is done.

oh nah i just meant as in not getting laid, i dont evne remember handshake girl's name lol

but, that being said: last night was a success, first after 2 weeks.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by dinonz

Probably did. She was here until late, and had to leave to go work all night on another car. During our talks it came up that I was out of milk for my morning coffee so would have to dash out and get some when I woke up.

Sometime early morning she drove back to my place, let herself in (she has electronic access to my house) and put a bottle of milk in the fridge for me.



This is why she confuses me.

Dude.....this is what tells me that she isn't so much interested in you as a father figure as much as she is genuinely trying to be sweet to you. In most cases, we as men, have to ask for stuff like this to be done. It's rare for to see someone take the initiative to do something like this without being asked. Stay your course sir. I'll be very surprised if this does not turn out the way you would like for it to. With this being said, I also don't expect for it to happen overnight; but nothing worth having comes easy.

Originally Posted by dinonz

Indeed. I think maybe there's a spark there she's just scared of it. To win her over, I have to just take a back seat, show her I care and mean it, and let her relax and start to accept that. In the mean time, my pool is nearly finished, she's shown me the playboy bikini she bought to wear in it, so I'm just hoping I don't have a heart attack before claiming my prize. Whether anything happens or not, I think she plans to hang around for a long time. I think the wise move here is not to make a move, but be there in every way I can.

This makes me smile to read. This is EXACTLY how this situation needs to be handled. Do what you can to make her feel wanted but at the same time, don't forget to stay true to yourself. In the event that a photo is taken of said bikini, on her of course, none of us would mind to see this photo. You know, solely to ensure that we are giving proper advice.

Also, to touch on the subject of her father. Women tend to look for qualities in men that their fathers demonstrate. We (as men) do the same with our mothers. Considering she has never met her father, this does skew my entire thought process on her actions/reactions to things. Typically women who have great relationships with their fathers will look for men who remind them of their fathers characteristics. Whether it be their looks, personality or other characteristics. Women who had terrible relationships with their fathers tend to go the opposite direction.

I actually have quite a bit of experience in this (not just girls with fatherly issues - I won't lie, they are my favorite for obvious reasons). The first wife had severe daddy issues and was a hot mess. Rarely did she know how to act or how to treat me. We'll say that she was the proverbial "Bull in a china shop" when it came to relationships. The second wife was a big daddy's girl and spent a lot of time turning wrench's with him in the garage. She was truly a nurturing woman and was great with the relationship end of things....commitment and fidelity were not her strong suits however. With what you are saying about her being distant and now seeing that she never had a relationship with her father, this is to be expected.

Did a little research for you this morning and found this.

Father Absenteeism. Consistent with the research literature, father absence seemed to have a negative impact on the women in our study. For instance, the participants stated that when their father was absent (e.g., from divorce, separation, abandonment, or incarceration) they had more (3) difficulty trusting others. Father absence also seemed to create more uncertainty for emerging adult women, with many saying they were (4) not sure what to expect in romantic relationships. Sadly, as one participant explained:

With my dad not being in my life, I kind of have an idea of how a man is supposed to treat me, but…I really don’t know what to do, what not to do, what’s acceptable and what isn’t acceptable in a relationship. So…I don’t really know what a good relationship is, or what one is supposed to be like. I have only seen the bad: like when my mom talks about my dad and says, ‘He’s not a good father and he was never a good boyfriend, either.’ I just go off what I see in the movies because I don’t really know. So, I feel like my relationships end because I have these high expectations of what I think relationships are supposed to be like, and then they’re not.

The rest of the article is here https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-fathe...-relationships if you'd like read it in it's entirety.

You're on the right path sir, keep the momentum going.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by 213e90n51

Im american sex machine

Of course you are sir.....of course you are. I'd like to hear more about this.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Suggested avatar.

Dig and will put to use.

Much appreciated!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Amazing!

Cheers my friend!

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Dude.....this is what tells me that she isn't so much interested in you as a father figure as much as she is genuinely trying to be sweet to you. In most cases, we as men, have to ask for stuff like this to be done. It's rare for to see someone take the initiative to do something like this without being asked. Stay your course sir. I'll be very surprised if this does not turn out the way you would like for it to. With this being said, I also don't expect for it to happen overnight; but nothing worth having comes easy.



This makes me smile to read. This is EXACTLY how this situation needs to be handled. Do what you can to make her feel wanted but at the same time, don't forget to stay true to yourself. In the event that a photo is taken of said bikini, on her of course, none of us would mind to see this photo. You know, solely to ensure that we are giving proper advice.

Also, to touch on the subject of her father. Women tend to look for qualities in men that their fathers demonstrate. We (as men) do the same with our mothers. Considering she has never met her father, this does skew my entire thought process on her actions/reactions to things. Typically women who have great relationships with their fathers will look for men who remind them of their fathers characteristics. Whether it be their looks, personality or other characteristics. Women who had terrible relationships with their fathers tend to go the opposite direction.

I actually have quite a bit of experience in this (not just girls with fatherly issues - I won't lie, they are my favorite for obvious reasons). The first wife had severe daddy issues and was a hot mess. Rarely did she know how to act or how to treat me. We'll say that she was the proverbial "Bull in a china shop" when it came to relationships. The second wife was a big daddy's girl and spent a lot of time turning wrench's with him in the garage. She was truly a nurturing woman and was great with the relationship end of things....commitment and fidelity were not her strong suits however. With what you are saying about her being distant and now seeing that she never had a relationship with her father, this is to be expected.

Did a little research for you this morning and found this.

Father Absenteeism. Consistent with the research literature, father absence seemed to have a negative impact on the women in our study. For instance, the participants stated that when their father was absent (e.g., from divorce, separation, abandonment, or incarceration) they had more (3) difficulty trusting others. Father absence also seemed to create more uncertainty for emerging adult women, with many saying they were (4) not sure what to expect in romantic relationships. Sadly, as one participant explained:

With my dad not being in my life, I kind of have an idea of how a man is supposed to treat me, but…I really don’t know what to do, what not to do, what’s acceptable and what isn’t acceptable in a relationship. So…I don’t really know what a good relationship is, or what one is supposed to be like. I have only seen the bad: like when my mom talks about my dad and says, ‘He’s not a good father and he was never a good boyfriend, either.’ I just go off what I see in the movies because I don’t really know. So, I feel like my relationships end because I have these high expectations of what I think relationships are supposed to be like, and then they’re not.

The rest of the article is here https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-fathe...-relationships if you'd like read it in it's entirety.

You're on the right path sir, keep the momentum going.

And then she says things that make me think I'm totally wasting my time. She was joking around with her (male) friend and I that she's not driven her car in a week and it was driving her crazy. "It's like getting laid - you just can't not do it".

Well, she's not getting laid with me, so she must be getting it elsewhere.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by dinonz

And then she says things that make me think I'm totally wasting my time. She was joking around with her (male) friend and I that she's not driven her car in a week and it was driving her crazy. "It's like getting laid - you just can't not do it".

Well, she's not getting laid with me, so she must be getting it elsewhere.

Maybe this her reasoning for reluctancy. I was interested in a girl right after the first divorce. On paper, everything fit. We enjoy the same music, same movies, same interests all the way around. Genuinely enjoyed spending time together - we spent a lot of time together, almost daily. Very flirty, the whole shebang, everything was great. Almost like the beginning stages of a romantic relationship. We had known each other for at least 10 years. I finally swallowed my pride and asked her on a date. She said she would have to think about it and it was never discussed again. Although we were great friends and all the makings were there, it never came to fruition. Later I found out that she was genuinely interested in me, but she was shoulder deep in a purely physical relationship at the time as she didn't want the emotions that came with a relationship, but had no problems having a purely sexual relationship with someone she felt no connection for. Still hurts to this day that I could have ended up with someone that I still think so highly of, over just sex with someone else. These days she is married to another guy and we are all friends, but the "what ifs" still haunt me.

[TrevorM3]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Maybe this her reasoning for reluctancy. I was interested in girl right after the first divorce. On paper, everything fit. We enjoy the same music, same movies, same interests all the way around. Genuinely enjoyed spending time together - we spent a lot of time together, almost daily. Very flirty, the whole shebang, everything was great. Almost like the beginning stages of a romantic relationship. We had known each other for at least 10 years. I finally swallowed my pride and asked her on a date. She said she would have to think about it and it was never discussed again. Although we were great friends and all the makings were there, it never came to fruition. Later I found out that she was genuinely interested in me, but she was shoulder deep in a purely physical relationship at the time as she didn't want the emotions that came with a relationship, but had no problems having a purely sexual relationship with someone she felt no connection for. Still hurts to this day that I could have ended up with someone that I still think so highly of, over just sex with someone else. These days she is married to another guy and we are all friends, but the "what ifs" still haunt me.

what ifs are the worst.

Small update on chick from the hospital. She texts me saturday while we were both at work. She says " i wanna go home" so, initiating small talk, and we talk for a little. Then she says she wants boba tea. I'm sitting right next to my Vietnamese friend when she texts that, and he tells me the best spot to go to. I reply with the name of the place, and i told her i've never had it, we should go check it out. She read it, then ghosted. Mission fail.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Maybe this her reasoning for reluctancy. I was interested in girl right after the first divorce. On paper, everything fit. We enjoy the same music, same movies, same interests all the way around. Genuinely enjoyed spending time together - we spent a lot of time together, almost daily. Very flirty, the whole shebang, everything was great. Almost like the beginning stages of a romantic relationship. We had known each other for at least 10 years. I finally swallowed my pride and asked her on a date. She said she would have to think about it and it was never discussed again. Although we were great friends and all the makings were there, it never came to fruition. Later I found out that she was genuinely interested in me, but she was shoulder deep in a purely physical relationship at the time as she didn't want the emotions that came with a relationship, but had no problems having a purely sexual relationship with someone she felt no connection for. Still hurts to this day that I could have ended up with someone that I still think so highly of, over just sex with someone else. These days she is married to another guy and we are all friends, but the "what ifs" still haunt me.

Oof I've been in that spot my man, hurts to realize you were just the emotional tampon

Congrats on the name change - I should change mine to something newer. Any ideas?

Originally Posted by TrevorM3

what ifs are the worst.

Small update on chick from the hospital. She texts me saturday while we were both at work. She says " i wanna go home" so, initiating small talk, and we talk for a little. Then she says she wants boba tea. I'm sitting right next to my Vietnamese friend when she texts that, and he tells me the best spot to go to. I reply with the name of the place, and i told her i've never had it, we should go check it out. She read it, then ghosted. Mission fail.

I don't think you've necessarily failed, girls throw these random tests all the fucking time. Per my friend a year or so back, she could've just been testing to see if you would simp and hand deliver her boba.

If you don't there's tons of soyboys who would do that. The sheer existence of onlyfans is a testament to this

[TrevorM3]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

Oof I've been in that spot my man, hurts to realize you were just the emotional tampon

Congrats on the name change - I should change mine to something newer. Any ideas?



I don't think you've necessarily failed, girls throw these random tests all the fucking time. Per my friend a year or so back, she could've just been testing to see if you would simp and hand deliver her boba.

If you don't there's tons of soyboys who would do that. The sheer existence of onlyfans is a testament to this

True. Her loss unfortunately. i don't play those games. Just sucks i have to see her at work now. oh well, that was always the risk