Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[bimmer456]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

This past weekend I told a girl i had met a few times that I'm not ready for a relationship....aka I wasn't that into her. I just never developed any feelings for her and ultimately felt I couldn't be myself around her. The interactions were just not "natural" for a couple. Everything was forced. She wasn't hot enough to keep faking it.

On to the next.

Sounds good to me. I don't get why you'd want to force it and have unnatural interactions with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with. There may be a very small percentage of people doing that, the vast majority are not.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

This past weekend I told a girl i had met a few times that I'm not ready for a relationship....aka I wasn't that into her. I just never developed any feelings for her and ultimately felt I couldn't be myself around her. The interactions were just not "natural" for a couple. Everything was forced. She wasn't hot enough to keep faking it.

On to the next.

Been there many times. Got to a point where I just told them up front I wasn't looking for a relationship, just wanted to go out and enjoy life. Some understood and I had some good friends came from that, others thought they could change me which eventually ended up with me cutting ties altogether.

Near the end of my run, one took me by surprise as she had the same attitude as me, and things just clicked as time went by with neither of us rushing it.

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Kelse92

Curious, all other things equal (eg personality compatibility, chemistry, mutual attraction, etc), how much weight you guys put on things like age/financial status/career path when dating??

Currently in a situation where I've been on a few dates with a few different guys and all three are great and pretty much equal in all of the personal categories; but all very different in the "material" categories if you want to label it that. Not sure which road I want to go down if I want to pursue a relationship with any, each one has pros-cons. Without getting too much into specifics...
The oldest one is the most well off/stable career & 1yr divorced & college age children
Youngest one (closest to my age) most risky/unclear career path & no kids
Third one right in-between and has a 2yr old son & travels for work 70-80% of the time & half the weekends not traveling are spent with his son.

Obviously you guys can't make the decision for me but curious how you all weigh these things from your perspectives, all other things being equal.

I see your dilemma, you wont longer be alone but on the flipside: Would you consider to refuse all your three listed candidates to save you from a maybe wrong decision? Thats smart, if you are not too desperately seeking a man/friend or whatever.
What I miss into your post, what are you looking for? Should it be just a friend or partner to stay with or do you consider marriage at the end, family plans and so on?
Older man maybe more reliable, they're almost settled to themselves and know their points into their life. Con maybe that some fires are no longer so bright that you would be satisfied with it for longer times - and I dont talk about sex
Mid age is fine, more flexible and willing to adapt some of your … habits(?) if you know what I mean.
Same age or younger under the perspective of carreer and family planning were no match to me, neither nor.

You seem to stick to the mid ager but if I read his more or less absence from home...how close do you want him to your life? When his most time is planned out, is the rest enough for you? Just asking...

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Kelse92

Curious, all other things equal (eg personality compatibility, chemistry, mutual attraction, etc), how much weight you guys put on things like age/financial status/career path when dating??

Currently in a situation where I've been on a few dates with a few different guys and all three are great and pretty much equal in all of the personal categories; but all very different in the "material" categories if you want to label it that. Not sure which road I want to go down if I want to pursue a relationship with any, each one has pros-cons. Without getting too much into specifics...
The oldest one is the most well off/stable career & 1yr divorced & college age children
Youngest one (closest to my age) most risky/unclear career path & no kids
Third one right in-between and has a 2yr old son & travels for work 70-80% of the time & half the weekends not traveling are spent with his son.

Obviously you guys can't make the decision for me but curious how you all weigh these things from your perspectives, all other things being equal.

Don't date people with kids if you are looking for something long term. Dating someone who already has kids is like playing someone else's paused game. They will always put them first as a priority (as they should). If you have kids also, that's one thing, but I find if you don't it makes things very difficult and one-sided.

As far as career/financial, I don't look for that specifically. I focus more on someone's character which tends to lead me towards people similar to me anyway. You can tell right away if someone is in a rough spot in their life but is a hard worker, or if they are a bum looking for handouts.

Age is just a number but it's much easier to relate to someone around your age for the most part. I know couples where there is a significant age difference and it does sometimes cause issues because they are in different stages of life. As far as your 3 choices, why limit yourself? Sometimes the answer is "none of the above" and that's perfectly okay, which many people seem to forget.

[Kelse92]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

As far as your 3 choices, why limit yourself? Sometimes the answer is "none of the above" and that's perfectly okay, which many people seem to forget.

Oh absolutely, and it may be the answer here

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Don't date people with kids if you are looking for something long term. Dating someone who already has kids is like playing someone else's paused game. They will always put them first as a priority (as they should). If you have kids also, that's one thing, but I find if you don't it makes things very difficult and one-sided.

100% true. Every woman with kids I've met has pretty much told me F off b/c kids. Yet they expect me to put them 1st lol. I just have some fucking them till it ends then on to the next

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

Most likely

She got the D, just someone else's.

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by Kelse92

Curious, all other things equal (eg personality compatibility, chemistry, mutual attraction, etc), how much weight you guys put on things like age/financial status/career path when dating??

Currently in a situation where I've been on a few dates with a few different guys and all three are great and pretty much equal in all of the personal categories; but all very different in the "material" categories if you want to label it that. Not sure which road I want to go down if I want to pursue a relationship with any, each one has pros-cons. Without getting too much into specifics...
The oldest one is the most well off/stable career & 1yr divorced & college age children
Youngest one (closest to my age) most risky/unclear career path & no kids
Third one right in-between and has a 2yr old son & travels for work 70-80% of the time & half the weekends not traveling are spent with his son.

Obviously you guys can't make the decision for me but curious how you all weigh these things from your perspectives, all other things being equal.

In your scenario I'm the old guy. Financially stable no kids able to do anything. If I were to date anyone, having no kids would be my preference, or college age, where they're not tied down. Younger children where they have full custody or unreliable exs are something I wish to avoid. I'm in a position where I can travel at will, and have several overseas trips planned for next year - but if someone has young children it would be hard for them to join me.

I've been seeing someone recently who has a younger (11) child and no ex around, so it's difficult. Between that and being a teacher where they have specific times for vacations, I'm not sure it will work - my overseas trips are scheduled around other people not me, so I can't just re-schedule them for when she could be free from work and might be able to find someone to look after her children. Not entirely sure I want a relationship where I vacation alone.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

She got the D, just someone else's.

I got the P too, just one of my regulars.

[FuriouslyFast]

A woman I have been seeing abruptly and out of the blue told me adios yesterday. She said b/c I do not talk on the phone enough & she needs validation. I asked for a real answer not a canned bs text message & she said I do not tell her she is pretty. Are you 14 yrs old? JFC!

Also, we texted on the regular & not like I never took calls, but I am on the phone for a living so that's the last thing I want to do when I get home.

This also happened a couple days after she said she had feelings for me. I guess she thought I expected a Christmas gift & bailed now vs later? I didn't expect a thing b/c she was not getting anything anyway.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by bimmer456

Sounds good to me. I don't get why you'd want to force it and have unnatural interactions with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with. There may be a very small percentage of people doing that, the vast majority are not.

I just thought if I go on a few dates something might spark, but nothing did. I gave it a chance.

[Dang3r]

I mean, from a not closer specified age the most people had set their preferences to the rest of their life and the older they get, the lesser are the willing compromises. Thats maybe caused by the increased lifestyle and more money, the comfort to decide by mood and not by someone elses circumstances.
Encountered that by myself when on the hunt (so to speak), some ladies had disqualifying themselves by triggering the wrong buttons and thats it, no second try for them.
Basically I was at no time into the past looking primary for a longer relation, marriage or a real family. Meeting someone, dating, more or less serious relationship for longer or shorter terms and then lets see where it ends. Even it was only for a few nights and just for fun, who cares, its my life. Never felt really alone and I never felt the rush to get couple'd at any cost just because I must. When you'd rammed your corner piles into the ground and your potential partner agrees to your "manifest" and his own plans matching your imaginations...which better things more could happen?
For me and my european mentality its funny to learn something about your US-habits, they seem sometimes so different.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by dinonz

In your scenario I'm the old guy. Financially stable no kids able to do anything. If I were to date anyone, having no kids would be my preference, or college age, where they're not tied down. Younger children where they have full custody or unreliable exs are something I wish to avoid. I'm in a position where I can travel at will, and have several overseas trips planned for next year - but if someone has young children it would be hard for them to join me.

I've been seeing someone recently who has a younger (11) child and no ex around, so it's difficult. Between that and being a teacher where they have specific times for vacations, I'm not sure it will work - my overseas trips are scheduled around other people not me, so I can't just re-schedule them for when she could be free from work and might be able to find someone to look after her children. Not entirely sure I want a relationship where I vacation alone.

I'm in a similar position. But the children don't have to be grade-school-age to be an obstacle. There are "children" well into their 20's who are still in an infantile state because their moms have never pried them off the tit and made them grow up. With smartphones, they're constantly pinging Mommy for one stupid thing or another, so Mommy's cell phone ends up glued to her face. I find that unattractive in the extreme.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

A woman I have been seeing abruptly and out of the blue told me adios yesterday. She said b/c I do not talk on the phone enough & she needs validation. I asked for a real answer not a canned bs text message & she said I do not tell her she is pretty. Are you 14 yrs old? JFC!

Also, we texted on the regular & not like I never took calls, but I am on the phone for a living so that's the last thing I want to do when I get home.

This also happened a couple days after she said she had feelings for me. I guess she thought I expected a Christmas gift & bailed now vs later? I didn't expect a thing b/c she was not getting anything anyway.

Sounds like she saved you a headache. She probably figured out you have others on the side and didn't like that, haha.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

I'm in a similar position. But the children don't have to be grade-school-age to be an obstacle. There are "children" well into their 20's who are still in an infantile state because their moms have never pried them off the tit and made them grow up. With smartphones, they're constantly pinging Mommy for one stupid thing or another, so Mommy's cell phone ends up glued to her face. I find that unattractive in the extreme.

I was just talking to one telling me her son in college still doesn't have a license & another complaining about paying her kid's college tuition. Then they wonder why their kids never grow up & blame everyone but themselves. Based on my experience, most women with kids are just good for FWB or fuck buddies & nothing more unless you want to be miserable your entire life.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

I was just talking to one telling me her son in college still doesn't have a license & another complaining about paying her kid's college tuition. Then they wonder why their kids never grow up & blame everyone but themselves. Based on my experience, most women with kids are just good for FWB or fuck buddies & nothing more unless you want to be miserable your entire life.

Which is a big red flag they are bad parents and make poor decisions in life which you want no part of.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

She got the D, just someone else's.

Not necessarily. While there are many many many sluts out there (both men and women, hence the STD thread) some people will reach a certain point with someone physically then get completely scared of going further due to past trauma, anxiety, fear of the future, etc. I believe part of this to be caused by social media and low human interaction. Put simply, people don't know WTF to do when they are with other humans anymore. Nobody drives 2 hours to be with someone they think is attractive, fool around for a little while, and not go further unless other things are going on.

Guaranteed she was looking for validation, then when the juices actually started flowing she went "wait a minute" and reality made her leave. Just like how guys will bang a girl they think is hot, then when they realize she has zero personality they bail.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Which is a big red flag they are bad parents and make poor decisions in life which you want no part of.

Yeah, that signals to me that they've been horribly overprotective of the kids towards the goal of keeping them helpless and dependent. Not sure what motivates that, but I know I can't fix it and it'll drive me nuts to watch.

[UncleWede]

When I met my wife she had 2 teen boys AND her sister living with her. Made alone-time a tad more difficult, but also even more exciting.

When the first wife left, I was seriously afraid I'd end up the old cat-man on the beach . . . she saved me from a fate worse than death. 20 years later, even with all her fam-damily all around us, I couldn't be happier.






(no, she doesn't read these)

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

(no, she doesn't read these)

You know if she did, that would bring you automatically to the ban-section

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Not necessarily. While there are many many many sluts out there (both men and women, hence the STD thread) some people will reach a certain point with someone physically then get completely scared of going further due to past trauma, anxiety, fear of the future, etc. I believe part of this to be caused by social media and low human interaction. Put simply, people don't know WTF to do when they are with other humans anymore. Nobody drives 2 hours to be with someone they think is attractive, fool around for a little while, and not go further unless other things are going on.

Guaranteed she was looking for validation, then when the juices actually started flowing she went "wait a minute" and reality made her leave. Just like how guys will bang a girl they think is hot, then when they realize she has zero personality they bail.

Or she was just another tease that wanted attention. Either way, I lost no sleep.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

When I met my wife she had 2 teen boys AND her sister living with her. Made alone-time a tad more difficult, but also even more exciting.

When the first wife left, I was seriously afraid I'd end up the old cat-man on the beach . . . she saved me from a fate worse than death. 20 years later, even with all her fam-damily all around us, I couldn't be happier.






(no, she doesn't read these)

She saved you? You might have a vagina & live on a planet not called Earth