"Lazy" GF... How to motivate?

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by qba335i

She is still size 0... but it will eventually change if she maintains this lifestyle.

That's OK . But her character will never change .

[grzes]

I would tell you what to do but on the other hand I am divorced so obviously what ever I did din't work for me
If you love her then accept her for who she is, she works long hours then do something special for her, like cleaning that bedroom of her clothes, might not be noticed right the way but trust me with time she will see what you do for her and she will go out of her way to please you as well

[PshhhhhMW]

Originally Posted by grzes

I would tell you what to do but on the other hand I am divorced so obviously what ever I did din't work for me
If you love her then accept her for who she is, she works long hours then do something special for her, like cleaning that bedroom of her clothes, might not be noticed right the way but trust me with time she will see what you do for her and she will go out of her way to please you as well

This is way too passive to be effective. This falls in line with the whole "one day they'll change" mentality and you end up settling and being miserable.

[BSM n54iS]

Originally Posted by qba335i

She is still size 0... but it will eventually change if she maintains this lifestyle.

You made this thread when she's a size ZERO?!?! dude...ok seriously then let's get into it. Whats her weight, height and cup size?

[tdott]

Originally Posted by kprocivic

I'm not sure she would qualify as being lazy.

+1 I've seen a buddy much worse off, plus she had no job.

Thank god he booted her out.

[King Rudi]

Sounds like you already know what you need/want to do and are looking for confirmation from others. I'm not going to give advice as no one ever takes it anyway. You know what you need/want. No relationship is perfect. If you get rid of this one and start with a new girl, it will start the cycle all over again. Everything will be great in the beginning, lots of time/smiles shared and over time you end up right back here over different issues.

[BayE30]

to OP, your GF sounds like the stereo-typical man in the relationship. work long hours, come home and sit in front of TV, and you sound like the nagging housewife. interesting to see a role reversal. does your GF make more money than you?

[Matt@EuroJerks]

Originally Posted by Just_Jody

Sounds like you already know what you need/want to do and are looking for confirmation from others. I'm not going to give advice as no one ever takes it anyway. You know what you need/want. No relationship is perfect. If you get rid of this one and start with a new girl, it will start the cycle all over again. Everything will be great in the beginning, lots of time/smiles shared and over time you end up right back here over different issues.

This.

[HyeWarrior]

Originally Posted by Just_Jody

Sounds like you already know what you need/want to do and are looking for confirmation from others. I'm not going to give advice as no one ever takes it anyway. You know what you need/want. No relationship is perfect. If you get rid of this one and start with a new girl, it will start the cycle all over again. Everything will be great in the beginning, lots of time/smiles shared and over time you end up right back here over different issues.

This is too fucking real

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by SFCM3

to OP, your GF sounds like the stereo-typical man in the relationship. work long hours, come home and sit in front of TV, and you sound like the nagging housewife. interesting to see a role reversal. does your GF make more money than you?

I don't think he wears a skirt .

[roastbeef]

adios amiga.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Just_Jody

Sounds like you already know what you need/want to do and are looking for confirmation from others. I'm not going to give advice as no one ever takes it anyway. You know what you need/want. No relationship is perfect. If you get rid of this one and start with a new girl, it will start the cycle all over again. Everything will be great in the beginning, lots of time/smiles shared and over time you end up right back here over different issues.

No relationship is perfect, but the right one doesn't have issues like this...

Originally Posted by wrickem

you for making demands that come with a time-stamp.

lol should tell that to my boss next time he tells me "this project is due by Wednesday."

Without a deadline, there's no motivation. Without motivation, there is no progress. Without progress, any/all goals, aspirations, etc. go right out the window.

OP if it's THIS bad now and she shows little/no interest, I agree; it's time to bail. What else are you gonna do? "Wait and see" if things change in a couple years? Then what? You end up with kids and find yourself doing, not only all the work around the house, but becoming fully responsible for the kids as well? Nothing worse than a one-sided relationship full of resentment. Holding some random grudge for 4+ days are clear signs of things to come.

Sure, I agree, there has to be a balance; but if you find yourself playing life coach 100% of the time, it becomes an extremely stressful/unfulfilling relationship.

If these values are THAT important to you and she has no respect for you/the fact that you're trying to help her get her $h!t together, I see no other choice here.

Maybe find someone on your same playing field that could motivate YOU in all the ways she cannot/has not up until this point. You'll be much happier in the long run.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by BdSM n54iS

You made this thread when she's a size ZERO?!?! dude...ok seriously then let's get into it. Whats her weight, height and cup size?

We need pics. Nudes.

[MrSmartyPants]

If you want her to get moving then you (or she) needs to find something that SHE likes. Telling someone to "go to the gym" just to be active is bullshit. It doesn't help the millions of annual resolutioners that flood gyms ever January and probably won't help your girl. Everyone has something that they like and motivates them, it's just a matter of finding it.

Personally my wife loves the gym, she goes 5-7 days a week religiously. She's got her gym friends and its totally her release. That's great. I HATE gyms. I think they are gross and do nothing for me. I like riding bikes or being outdoors. We all have our thing, hopefully you can try to find stuff that appeals to both of you.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by FCobra94

lol should tell that to my boss next time he tells me "this project is due by Wednesday."

Without a deadline, there's no motivation. Without motivation, there is no progress. Without progress, any/all goals, aspirations, etc. go right out the window.

OP if it's THIS bad now and she shows little/no interest, I agree; it's time to bail. What else are you gonna do? "Wait and see" if things change in a couple years? Then what? You end up with kids and find yourself doing, not only all the work around the house, but becoming fully responsible for the kids as well? Nothing worse than a one-sided relationship full of resentment. Holding some random grudge for 4+ days are clear signs of things to come.

Sure, I agree, there has to be a balance; but if you find yourself playing life coach 100% of the time, it becomes an extremely stressful/unfulfilling relationship.

If these values are THAT important to you and she has no respect for you/the fact that you're trying to help her get her $h!t together, I see no other choice here.

Maybe find someone on your same playing field that could motivate YOU in all the ways she cannot/has not up until this point. You'll be much happier in the long run.

A friend of mine is pretty much in this & she is currently prego with kid #2. They will end up divorced or she will stay & be miserable her whole life. Don't be like them.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by grzes

I would tell you what to do but on the other hand I am divorced so obviously what ever I did din't work for me
If you love her then accept her for who she is, she works long hours then do something special for her, like cleaning that bedroom of her clothes, might not be noticed right the way but trust me with time she will see what you do for her and she will go out of her way to please you as well

Didn't you pay attention? She doesn't wanna do anything. She won't notice shit & he won't get an extra bj for it.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by wrickem

No offense, we're all different, but I think I'd bail on both of you. Her for leaving her crap around untouched for 4 days while she lays around, and you for making demands that come with a time-stamp.

So clean it when ya feel like it? Fast forward 6 weeks & the house looks like a hurricane came through. No.

Been there done that. Relationship failed. Fuck that shit.

[CTinline-six]

The problem is there isn't an easy solution to this.

I would say she is far from unmotivated, it's just that her job is extremely demanding. She gets upset because she realizes it, but there probably isn't much she can change work-wise besides finding another job.

My own job is pretty stressful, but after I leave for the day my job is pretty much done, which helps me relax. My previous job had a similar schedule to hers and I had to quit. I got migraines every 2 days, long hours, low sleep, I would come home and pretty much do nothing. It started impacting my health. Going to the gym helped, but after a 12 hour day and an hour long commute the last thing I wanted to do was work out.

It's all in how you present the issue to her. If you get upset with her, it looks like you are pointing fingers and blaming her, which will no doubt turn into an argument. Approach it from a positive angle. Say that you notice her job is putting a lot of strain on her, and that you notice a change in how happy or stressed she is and you are concerned. Word it in a way that sounds like you feel she could do better job-wise and find a company that deserves her work ethic and treats her right, and maybe that will encourage her to find something else.

[qba335i]

Originally Posted by PshhhhhMW

Playing devils advocate, are you doing anything that she may be unhappy about? If you want to fix this, talk it out with her. Relationships are all about communication. Instead of telling her what to do, ask her what's wrong and if there's something that's keeping her from doing adult shit. If she shuts down and you're unhappy, give her the ultimatum. Tell her you're unhappy. If she's not willing to at least talk about and work on things together, there's no point of being together. It's a partnership.

She says she is overwhelmed at work. She is very good at her job, so they always give her more/new responsibilities. I don't think this will be changing anytime soon.

She wants me to do more couple stuff, but I have a lot of time planned around me. Work, gym, study/read, in summer I spend Saturdays on the boat, Sunday tennis or golf. She doesn't like sailing, skiing or scuba diving... and that's what I like to do.

We try to travel frequently. She prefers fancy hotels with a lot of relax time and I like to stay active, but we manage to make it work. This year so far we went to LA/Vegas and New Orleans, in July will be going to Croatia. We Will probably do another domestic and another international trip this year. She is also going to HI in few days with her sister.

[dmk08]

My advice to her is walk away. You seem like a lame bf.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by qba335i

That's what am telling her. That she needs to push through it until it becomes a habit...

When was her last doctors appointment? Type two diabetes is a very common reason to be worn out in the evening time and what you're describing pretty much hits the prediabetic patterns .