Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I find this a bit puzzling unless it is out of context. I'm sure most people believe that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Whether it be do to sickness, accident, or an act of violence your card can be punched at anytime. This belief should make you cherish each day and everyone you love everyday.

If you act in a reckless manner because you can be dead tomorrow, then I get it. Meaning you don't lead a healthy lifestyle or make poor life choices (drugs, dangerous behavior) because why bother if you might get hit by a bus tomorrow. If this is the case, then she feels that you are being selfish as those who love you will feel the pain of your death because you didn't care enough about them to take care of yourself.

I can't respond to how to react without knowing the backstory - not trying to pry.

This. someguywithanm3 can you give more details? I hate to hear the scenario, but perhaps it's salvageable; especially if you really love her.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

So I've been living with that hot widow for a few months and I apparently messed it up.

I've been in the dog house since Sunday and it looks like she's calling it quits.

It's not something I did, but apparently it's my view on death. I believe it can happen at any moment and why worry about it. Well, she thinks that means I don't care about anyone. I'm trying to understand how that makes me a non-caring person.

Can anyone help me understand?

It's a shame. I really loved her.

its obvious that death is a very sensitive topic for her.
she doesnt want to deal with it again with you.
All you can do is talk with her again and let her vent and you can tell her how you feel and it was taken out of context.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I find this a bit puzzling unless it is out of context. I'm sure most people believe that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Whether it be do to sickness, accident, or an act of violence your card can be punched at anytime. This belief should make you cherish each day and everyone you love everyday.

If you act in a reckless manner because you can be dead tomorrow, then I get it. Meaning you don't lead a healthy lifestyle or make poor life choices (drugs, dangerous behavior) because why bother if you might get hit by a bus tomorrow. If this is the case, then she feels that you are being selfish as those who love you will feel the pain of your death because you didn't care enough about them to take care of yourself.

I can't respond to how to react without knowing the backstory - not trying to pry.

I'm not reckless. I have a safe job and I don't even ride motorcycles anymore. I think death is a tough subject for her. I've told her i love life, but that I'm not preocupied with the thought of death in a conversation a few weeks ago. It's inevitable and can come at any moment, but I'm certainly not looking for it. This set her off. She thinks that my view on the subject means that I can't love anyone. That somehow she doesn't matter to me. I'm trying to figure this out. Am I supposed to tell her I'm really afraid of death? It's so strange to me. I don't know if this is her way of trying to get out of the relationship or if she thinks me not being super afraid of death somehow indicates I'm incapable of love.

We've had a lot of good times together and this is coming out of left field. I don't want to lose her, but I certainly don't want her to stay if she's unhappy. I'd rather her be happy without me instead of miserable with me.

Sucks and sorry for venting guys.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

I'm not reckless. I have a safe job and I don't even ride motorcycles anymore. I think death is a tough subject for her. I've told her i love life, but that I'm not preocupied with the thought of death in a conversation a few weeks ago. It's inevitable and can come at any moment, but I'm certainly not looking for it. This set her off. She thinks that my view on the subject means that I can't love anyone. That somehow she doesn't matter to me. I'm trying to figure this out. Am I supposed to tell her I'm really afraid of death? It's so strange to me. I don't know if this is her way of trying to get out of the relationship or if she thinks me not being super afraid of death somehow indicates I'm incapable of love.

We've had a lot of good times together and this is coming out of left field. I don't want to lose her, but I certainly don't want her to stay if she's unhappy. I'd rather her be happy without me instead of miserable with me.

Sucks and sorry for venting guys.

I was not saying you were reckless, just trying to rationalize.

I agree with what NYAlpine said. Death is a tough subject for her but I honestly don't get what she thinks you should think or feel. Try and talk it out with her. She's traumatized over losing someone she loved but I don't get her being upset with you because you don't stress over dying. You got me I hope it works out.

[Turkish Pickle]

Next time the topic comes up, maybe reframe it in a way that goes "I'm not preoccupied with the thought of death, but I make sure to cherish every moment because you never know what'll happen even in a few hours"?

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I was not saying you were reckless, just trying to rationalize.

I agree with what NYAlpine said. Death is a tough subject for her but I honestly don't get what she thinks you should think or feel. Try and talk it out with her. She's traumatized over losing someone she loved but I don't get her being upset with you because you don't stress over dying. You got me I hope it works out.

Thanks. Maybe she thinks that if I'm afraid of death it means i'm afraid of losing her??

I just don't want to worry about things that are out of my control. Being afraid of death isn't going to magically make it stay away.

Don't get me wrong, when the time comes, I'm going to feel some anxiety/fear (I've had a couple of close calls), but I'm not going to worry about it in a daily basis.

To me, love and death are separate. She thinks my thoughts on one subject are not inline with hers and it's causing a lot of tension. She even told me she was leaving. I don't understand.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Why do people always think about commitment on the first date? Pointless, worry about that later. Feel each other out (literally ) and see how it goes after a few dates at least. In the end, cute and sane always wins over hot and crazy (as far as actual GF vs. just hookups). Looks usually fade anyway. Not saying you should ever settle for someone, but always trying to find someone hotter might just lead you down a never ending road of dates that lead to nowhere.

Exactly. Most of the dates we go on will go nowhere near long term. Just have fun & get laid lol

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

Next time the topic comes up, maybe reframe it in a way that goes "I'm not preoccupied with the thought of death, but I make sure to cherish every moment because you never know what'll happen even in a few hours"?

If there is a next time.

This isn't my first rodeo, but this girl is pretty special aside from this.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

Thanks. Maybe she thinks that if I'm afraid of death it means i'm afraid of losing her??

I just don't want to worry about things that are out of my control. Being afraid of death isn't going to magically make it stay away.

Don't get me wrong, when the time comes, I'm going to feel some anxiety/fear (I've had a couple of close calls), but I'm not going to worry about it in a daily basis.

To me, love and death are separate. She thinks my thoughts on one subject are not inline with hers and it's causing a lot of tension. She even told me she was leaving. I don't understand.

something is missing if she wants to walk away so fast over a comment regarding a situation that was very difficult to deal with. I believe you been supporting her and stood by her side during that period . Having different views shouldnt be the reason to walk away from someone else.
if i were you, i would sit her down and have serious talk to what the issue is.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

something is missing if she wants to walk away so fast over a comment regarding a situation that was very difficult to deal with. I believe you been supporting her and stood by her side during that period . Having different views shouldnt be the reason to walk away from someone else.
if i were you, i would sit her down and have serious talk to what the issue is.

Yeah, I'm going to do that. It just doesn't make sense.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

Yeah, I'm going to do that. It just doesn't make sense.

good luck, i hope everything is ok and it was just her being emotional.

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

good luck, i hope everything is ok and it was just her being emotional.

Thank you

[DieselDiner]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

To me, love and death are separate. She thinks my thoughts on one subject are not inline with hers and it's causing a lot of tension. She even told me she was leaving. I don't understand.

Start with "I don't understand." Have her explain exactly what she's thinking and what set her off. If she means that much to you, why not ask her to spell things out from her perspective and why don't you listen to what she's saying?

This sounds like a land mine topic for her that you unfortunately stepped on. The only way forward is to first understand what the hell she's on about, then decide if you can abide what the resolution might require.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

Thanks. Maybe she thinks that if I'm afraid of death it means i'm afraid of losing her??

I just don't want to worry about things that are out of my control. Being afraid of death isn't going to magically make it stay away.

Don't get me wrong, when the time comes, I'm going to feel some anxiety/fear (I've had a couple of close calls), but I'm not going to worry about it in a daily basis.

To me, love and death are separate. She thinks my thoughts on one subject are not inline with hers and it's causing a lot of tension. She even told me she was leaving. I don't understand.

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

Next time the topic comes up, maybe reframe it in a way that goes "I'm not preoccupied with the thought of death, but I make sure to cherish every moment because you never know what'll happen even in a few hours"?

I agree with Pickle on this.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

If I were to ever be single again, I would wear a shirt that specifically said on the front:

‘I Fuck On The First Date’

I had one that said "Will Fuck for Beer"

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

Yeah, I'm going to do that. It just doesn't make sense.

Update?

[FuriouslyFast]

What's with women wanting to meet in public, getting a public venue & then just bailing on the date or ghosting?

Had one recently (Unrelated to above) give the age old death in the family excuse & another one didn't even try with "Something came up. Can't make it tonight, sorry!" After all her talk about being excited to meet me & claiming we'll have lots of fun. SMH...

[upstatedoc]

just move on, pof in the ocean

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

just move on, pof in the ocean

How's the love life doc? Same girl?

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

What's with women wanting to meet in public, getting a public venue & then just bailing on the date or ghosting?

Had one recently (Unrelated to above) give the age old death in the family excuse & another one didn't even try with "Something came up. Can't make it tonight, sorry!" After all her talk about being excited to meet me & claiming we'll have lots of fun. SMH...

Funny story, I was talking with this girl through tinder and we agreed to meet up. Shortly after that a good friend of mine said she was in the hospital, so I had to bail on the date because I wanted to visit my friend

I'm sure she thought I was blowing her off because it's been two weeks and complete radio silence

on other news, going on a first date on tuesday. hyped about it because the girl actually seems like a chill person :woo:

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by FuriouslyFast

What's with women wanting to meet in public, getting a public venue & then just bailing on the date or ghosting?

Had one recently (Unrelated to above) give the age old death in the family excuse & another one didn't even try with "Something came up. Can't make it tonight, sorry!" After all her talk about being excited to meet me & claiming we'll have lots of fun. SMH...

Sorry you're being handled so clumsily. Fortunately, they're revealing flakey behavior and/or a lack of interest right from the get-go, and this saves you time and energy. Makes it super easy to holler "Next!" and move on.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

is no one getting laid lately?

Any time I want, which isn't very often lately. I'm tiring of hearing the ignorant things that spew out of her mouth at random times. Nothing takes the starch out of a hard-on like ignorance...at least, for me.

Latest irksome utterance: "There are a lot more decent women than there are decent men." So many snarky retorts came to mind that I couldn't pick one and got up and went for a drive. I called her on it later, and she failed to own having used a negative stereotype wrapped in a cliche wrapped in an old wives' tale. I told her that stereotypes are the mark of an ignoramus. She wasn't pleased...and I didn't give a fuck.
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