Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I saw on instagram where he went off-roading this past weekend, so no. Twenty-something college student lose his phone??? I'm sure he would be more apt to cut off his left arm.

aww you guys missed me

and no, both my arms and my phone are still in arms reach. i've just been working then going to car-related events, deleted all the dating apps so absolutely nothing for this thread has happened

the picture is practically me at this point - all female contact i've had until this point in summer has been wife/gf of friends or the cashiers

[FuzzyPeaches]

Just to give this thread a little update.... Things are going well between me and the widow. We're really enjoying spending time with each other and even took a trip to Nashville together a couple of weekends ago.

There have been several discussions about the fact that neither of us feel like we're in a place right now to be truly serious, however. Then she accidentally said "I love you" the other night as we were heading our separate ways after hanging out.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Just to give this thread a little update.... Things are going well between me and the widow. We're really enjoying spending time with each other and even took a trip to Nashville together a couple of weekends ago.

There have been several discussions about the fact that neither of us feel like we're in a place right now to be truly serious, however. Then she accidentally said "I love you" the other night as we were heading our separate ways after hanging out.

did you stop or did you pick her up kick the door open and........

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Just to give this thread a little update.... Things are going well between me and the widow. We're really enjoying spending time with each other and even took a trip to Nashville together a couple of weekends ago.

There have been several discussions about the fact that neither of us feel like we're in a place right now to be truly serious, however. Then she accidentally said "I love you" the other night as we were heading our separate ways after hanging out.

You were in my territory. I'm about 2 hours from Nashville east on I-40. Glad to hear things are going well!

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Just to give this thread a little update.... Things are going well between me and the widow. We're really enjoying spending time with each other and even took a trip to Nashville together a couple of weekends ago.

There have been several discussions about the fact that neither of us feel like we're in a place right now to be truly serious, however. Then she accidentally said "I love you" the other night as we were heading our separate ways after hanging out.

Yeah, that's interesting, so what did you do then? Pause, turn around, stare at her awkwardly, and then turn back around and leave? Or pretend not to hear her? Or did you say those three little words back?

[King Rudi]

Wait a minute......"accidentally" said I love you? No one accidentally says this. Lots of thought went into this.....from how to say it, when to say it, etc. Especially if it came from the female first. I can assure you, if she said it, it was well planned and thought out for weeks before it was muttered.

I too am curious as to how the rest of the exchange followed. I've been lucky enough to share the sentiment of anyone who has ever said it to me. I mean, how does a person respond to such a thing in the event that the feeling is not mutual?

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Wait a minute......"accidentally" said I love you? No one accidentally says this. Lots of thought went into this.....from how to say it, when to say it, etc. Especially if it came from the female first. I can assure you, if she said it, it was well planned and thought out for weeks before it was muttered.

I too am curious as to how the rest of the exchange followed. I've been lucky enough to share the sentiment of anyone who has ever said it to me. I mean, how does a person respond to such a thing in the event that the feeling is not mutual?

It's a weird feeling. I remember back when I was dating after my divorce. I went through pretty much all the available women in my town and the next town over.

Had a friend sat me up with my now wife who was from a few hours away. She was the first person I went out with for longer than probably 6 weeks or so. About 6 months into dating, she told me that she loved me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I told her I was sorry, but I couldn't tell her the same thing. I also told her she should respect the fact that I could be that honest with her, and didn't want to lead her on. But I said I still wanted to see where things would go.

It was about 6 months after that...I asked her if she remembered telling me that. She said yes...and I told her that I was at that point now, and could say the same to her and actually mean it.

We were married a year later.

Maybe it sounds cruel...but you guys have to know that I actually never planned on getting married again. I had almost 7 years to myself. I learned I could be happy on my own, and didn't need anyone to make me happy.

I had my own nice place, custody of my daughter, a few fun cars....and basically my pick of women in this small town whenever I wanted as I guess at 27-34 years old...they were desperate.

And when you add in the attitude that I had of "I could care less"....it was like I had a magnet drawing them in. I was never mean or rude to anyone....but I let them know up front I was out to have fun and not looking for anything serious.

But I guess they thought they could be the one to change my mind.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

About 6 months into dating, she told me that she loved me.I remember it like it was yesterday. I told her I was sorry, but I couldn't tell her the same thing. I also told her she should respect the fact that I could be that honest with her, and didn't want to lead her on. But I said I still wanted to see where things would go.

wow if I told someone I loved them and they said sorry I would be gone in 60 seconds. you're lucky she stuck around

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

It's a weird feeling. I remember back when I was dating after my divorce. I went through pretty much all the available women in my town and the next town over.

Had a friend sat me up with my now wife who was from a few hours away. She was the first person I went out with for longer than probably 6 weeks or so. About 6 months into dating, she told me that she loved me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I told her I was sorry, but I couldn't tell her the same thing. I also told her she should respect the fact that I could be that honest with her, and didn't want to lead her on. But I said I still wanted to see where things would go.

It was about 6 months after that...I asked her if she remembered telling me that. She said yes...and I told her that I was at that point now, and could say the same to her and actually mean it.

We were married a year later.

Maybe it sounds cruel...but you guys have to know that I actually never planned on getting married again. I had almost 7 years to myself. I learned I could be happy on my own, and didn't need anyone to make me happy.

I had my own nice place, custody of my daughter, a few fun cars....and basically my pick of women in this small town whenever I wanted as I guess at 27-34 years old...they were desperate.

And when you add in the attitude that I had of "I could care less"....it was like I had a magnet drawing them in. I was never mean or rude to anyone....but I let them know up front I was out to have fun and not looking for anything serious.

But I guess they thought they could be the one to change my mind.

Stand up guy right here! You continue to garner respect sir. I don't feel that it is cruel at all how you handled this. It's amazing at how women will give you pretty much anything you want as long as you are honest with them. Well done, but you don't need me to tell you this; the fact that you ended up with the girl says everything.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

wow if I told someone I loved them and they said sorry I would be gone in 60 seconds. you're lucky she stuck around

I completely understand. Now granted....we were seeing each other exclusively at that point. I told her I did have feelings for her, but couldn't tell her that I love her as that would be leading her on.

I told her I was definitely interested in seeing where things may go for us, but could understand if she felt differently.

I think she actually respected me for that as it showed her I wasn't using her. Plus she was a an independent woman who had been on her own for awhile, owned her own house, and successful career before we ever got together.

She had never been married, and I just wanted to make it clear that I took that kind of thing seriously as it would also involve my daughter's life as well....not just myself!

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Wait a minute......"accidentally" said I love you? No one accidentally says this. Lots of thought went into this.....from how to say it, when to say it, etc. Especially if it came from the female first. I can assure you, if she said it, it was well planned and thought out for weeks before it was muttered.

I too am curious as to how the rest of the exchange followed. I've been lucky enough to share the sentiment of anyone who has ever said it to me. I mean, how does a person respond to such a thing in the event that the feeling is not mutual?

It definitely wasn't that complicated. We had just left a bar after a couple of drinks and some food. I walked her to her car, kissed her goodnight, and she said "Ok, I love you". It was more of an instinctual reaction than an actual "I'm in love with you" kind of thing. The sort of thing you would say to a family member when you hang up the phone.

Edit: My reaction was to turn and look at her quizzingly and smile real big, to which she said "That's not what I meant. I mean, I like you". I just kept smiling and said goodnight.

We've had some pretty good discussions regarding how we both feel and what we're ready and not ready for in this relationship. We've both expressed the fact that we have love for each other, but it isn't at that point yet.

I'm not sure if this clears things up or makes it more confusing.

[Turkish Pickle]

glad to see the boys have rescued themselves out of the ratchet realm. i'll let you guys know if/when i get out as well

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

Maybe it sounds cruel...but you guys have to know that I actually never planned on getting married again. I had almost 7 years to myself. I learned I could be happy on my own, and didn't need anyone to make me happy.

I had my own nice place, custody of my daughter, a few fun cars....and basically my pick of women in this small town whenever I wanted as I guess at 27-34 years old...they were desperate.

And when you add in the attitude that I had of "I could care less"....it was like I had a magnet drawing them in. I was never mean or rude to anyone....but I let them know up front I was out to have fun and not looking for anything serious.

But I guess they thought they could be the one to change my mind.

^This right here. So true. Life after divorce. After all the crazy emotions you take a deep breath. It's so liberating once you are comfortable and happy being alone. And I absolutely agree on the I couldn't care less attitude being a magnet.

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

You were in my territory. I'm about 2 hours from Nashville east on I-40. Glad to hear things are going well!

Knoxville?

[FuzzyPeaches]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

Wait. I am confused as a baby at a buffet (topless bar). Even if it's an instinctive response it still came from somewhere... she must have thought about it. It's safe to assume love is in the air. Do you love her? If so, then would you ask her... about last night when we parted... you quickly said... what did you mean?

As I said in my previous post, we have discussed the fact that there is love between us. We just aren't ready for that type of serious relationship right now. There's no need for us to complicate things right now. We're open and honest with each other and know what we want right now.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

As I said in my previous post, we have discussed the fact that there is love between us. We just aren't ready for that type of serious relationship right now. There's no need for us to complicate things right now. We're open and honest with each other and know what we want right now.

Sounds like you are exactly where you want to be!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches

Knoxville?

Crossville. 45 miles west of Knoxville.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Crossville. 45 miles west of Knoxville.

Nice! I was in Gatlinburg in mid June when I did a road trip. I think that is about 2 hours or so away I remember seeing it on the GPS.

[Turkish Pickle]

we've all heard the horror stories about single moms, but what is the cut off between a divorced milf and a "single mom"?

[andrewmr]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

It depends on your age. If you're 78 you don't want to be caught with a 16 year old. Well what goes on the yacht stays on the yacht :

I would say it is more down to respecting her priorities. Her kid(s) will always come first and it's probably not a good idea for you to discipline them. Understand she's not looking for a dad. Stay clear of any drama with her ex if he is still on the scene. If he is I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole unless drama is your thing. The rest is basics of being trustworthy, supporting her and, always paying the check in the restaurant.

On a side note the average age of a single mom is 38. Apparently many men in their 20's go for a single mom in her 30's.

Single mom's in their 30's know stuff......

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

It depends on your age. If you're 78 you don't want to be caught with a 16 year old. Well what goes on the yacht stays on the yacht :

I would say it is more down to respecting her priorities. Her kid(s) will always come first and it's probably not a good idea for you to discipline them. Understand she's not looking for a dad. Stay clear of any drama with her ex if he is still on the scene. If he is I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole unless drama is your thing. The rest is basics of being trustworthy, supporting her and, always paying the check in the restaurant.

On a side note the average age of a single mom is 38. Apparently many men in their 20's go for a single mom in her 30's.

right, but i get what you're saying. I meant as in the "single mom" stereotype where they're like early 30s at most, those (or so i've heard) come with the most drama - not trying to get involved with that

i'm asking because i met this girl/woman the other day, she seems chill but she's 34, so about 13 years older than i am. not really looking to get involved (doubt she is looking for a relationship anyway) and we met at an event so i didn't get to learn more details. it seems like she's just on a rebound thing which i'm more than fine with, but how can i figure out if the ex is still on the scene?

don't really want to ask it flat out at lunch tomorrow but also if the guy is still around i don't want to get involved

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

If she's over him she will tell you herself. If it bothers you then ask in a way you would want to be asked. If anything changes and she sounds like she's not quite moved on then bolt. However, it takes one to get over one so you might be the one that makes her forget about the ex if there is one.

I found with these things. It works best if you focus on her, having a good time, making her feel good.. when you show her what good is then she we will think about what she missed out on and how she deserves better. Well most do but some do end up going backwards... again if you see that then bolt.

I guess signs she is not quite over him... she stalks him online... he's blowing up her cell or she's messaging him more... probably a lot more other signs.

One way to find out. Keep it cool and casual I say. See where it goes.

+1

Just be you....if the ex is still in the picture you will find out really quick. If so....just back out and tell her you don't want drama. Ex's can be bad news as while she may be over him.... you never know how he is feeling. He may think they are trying to work things out. But if she has stuff out on Social Media that show her having fun, partying, etc.....I would be sure he knows it's over.

Now the good thing about that situation. If all you're looking for is to have a good time among "other things".... this is the perfect scenario.

I can guarantee you she's not looking for anything else but the same thing. And if by chance she was looking for something more especially if she hasn't been split up too long.....those are the ones you run....not walk....but run from!