Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[******]

Originally Posted by Grumpy Old Man

What language is this.....faulk I must be old and honestly have been with my wife for almost 15 years so really out of the loop.

My two cents, I think I have to side with Bimmette on this. If you go out with someone the least you can do is make a phone call or text I guess to say you don't see it going anywhere. I'm just trying to imagine what my response would be if I went out with someone, then sent them a text or whatever suggesting a second date and I got crickets. I think the golden rule should be adhered to.

I guess it's best I'm married.

Yeah, but in your example you’re asking for another date. You’ve reached out, so sure, she should say if she’s not interested. If the girl asked for another date then the guy should definitely do the same if he’s not interested, but that’s different from his just not asking again himself. Seems sexist to put it all on the guy! But it also sorta depends on how long the dating had been going on. After just a few dates it doesn’t seem necessary to announce no more dates to me

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by JP10

Haha no problem man, I'm not on many social apps(I get shit on all the time for not having facebook), but I do enjoy snapchat. Photos/videos have a time limit and when the limit is reach they're gone for ever, so it has its benefits which shouldn't need explaining.

It also has practical uses, doesn't require much data to send a photo/video that expires, my dad uses it when hes ocean bound and out of range. He can still send videos/photos even when he doesn't have mobile signal. It gets annoying when I get video after video from him, but regardless good to stay in touch haha.

The negatives: people know when you open the photo/vid, and the less muture are prone to getting aggrevated by this lmao. This girl will probably be bummed if that streak ends.

Explaining social norms of the current generation is rather difficult because like you said, being disconnected bring the feeling of freedom. The current generation is chained down by the constant "need" to stay in the loop, i.e. not free. It's actually sad.

Yeah man, it's weird being on the outside looking in on societal norms with the younger generation. I can relate with the feeling of being tethered to stay connected/in the loop and the feeling of being an outcast by the adverse.

[Grumpy Old Man]

Originally Posted by ******

Yeah, but in your example you’re asking for another date. You’ve reached out, so sure, she should say if she’s not interested. If the girl asked for another date then the guy should definitely do the same if he’s not interested, but that’s different from his just not asking again himself. Seems sexist to put it all on the guy! But it also sorta depends on how long the dating had been going on. After just a few dates it doesn’t seem necessary to announce no more dates to me

My example was in part based on this comment earlier in the thread.

Originally Posted by aozer View Post
Yea I just recently did the same thing. She texted me after our second date and said we should do it again some time. I just deleted her number and never responded. After listening to her complain about her boring ass job for two hours while we were getting drinks I realized I couldn’t stand to see her again.

[Turkish Pickle]

rudi don't worry, i didn't tally every day since i met her
good point on skipping school/work though. as much as i'd like to do that let's be realistic that's not happening.

but being a bit self righteous here, i really don't think anyone deserves an explanation in this situation when in the last few days all she sent was very cookie cutter, run of the mill "everyone gets these anyway might as well send one to him too" things. if the topic comes up sure i'm not going to avoid it


what more details do you want? i'll gladly answer

[******]

Originally Posted by Grumpy Old Man

My example was in part based on this comment earlier in the thread.

Originally Posted by aozer View Post
Yea I just recently did the same thing. She texted me after our second date and said we should do it again some time. I just deleted her number and never responded. After listening to her complain about her boring ass job for two hours while we were getting drinks I realized I couldn’t stand to see her again.

But “do it again sometime” is pretty vague. Sounds like the old “let’s do lunch”. Are you saying you think that qualifies as requiring a response? , “dear bitch, no way in hell are we doing it again sometime. All the best”.... lol

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

what more details do you want? i'll gladly answer

I think you covered everything in the sequential posts.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Yes, of course girls do it too. It's cowardly and immature. Prior to texting, it was expected that people break up in person. Just a couple weeks ago, someone just asked my friend out for coffee to tell her he wasn't interested after a couple dates. In my opinion, that's just a waste of time for everyone. A simple ten-second text is all that's needed.

Actually, I think that was sweet and sincere to say it face to face. I don't get this texting over actual conversations. Breaking up via text is cowardly. I guess I'm showing my age.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Actually, I think that was sweet and sincere to say it face to face. I don't get this texting over actual conversations. Breaking up via text is cowardly. I guess I'm showing my age.

Not all showing age but showing how things should be done.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Actually, I think that was sweet and sincere to say it face to face. I don't get this texting over actual conversations. Breaking up via text is cowardly. I guess I'm showing my age.

you aren't showing your age, people still don't break up over text
they either ghost or break up in person (or get caught with someone else, because college i guess)

[Turkish Pickle]

you guys made me go soft - just texted her to get coffee. will explain stuff outright, but i'm pretty much done here... i sincerely don't see the point in doing so but i trust you guys

[UncleWede]

LOL Now_Rudi , bimmette he listened and now has to buy ANOTHER round of coffee.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

you guys made me go soft - just texted her to get coffee. will explain stuff outright, but i'm pretty much done here... i sincerely don't see the point in doing so but i trust you guys

Better than what you were planning to do there 'Ghostrider'.


Seriously, I agree with the others that at least telling them you don't see it working out is better than just radio silence. Just classier.

[******]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

you guys made me go soft - just texted her to get coffee. will explain stuff outright, but i'm pretty much done here... i sincerely don't see the point in doing so but i trust you guys

Don’t wear anything that you would mind getting lots of coffee on.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by ******

Don’t wear anything that you would mind getting lots of coffee on.

Or something that is difficult to remove quickly. Break up sex is real son.

[MrGatsby]

Alright gentleman, I am in need of some sound advice.

I have been with a girl for the last year, and we have a phenomenal relationship. We are extremely healthy together. We rarely get jealous, and have a lot of trust. Our arguments solely consist of what show we are going to watch or where we are going to eat. We see eye to eye on the big picture stuff, and thoroughly enjoy our time together. We truly are great together and both share these same feelings. And man she is sexy.

Here's where it gets tricky. She is from South Africa. She came here for school 3 years ago, and just finished up her studies. Her student visa is running out and by December she will have to go back, unless we get married. She has been very up front with me about her situation and what needs to happen for her to stay. I do love this girl, and see myself marrying her in the future, however this time sensitive pressure is starting to really get to me. I am 22 years old and did not see myself getting married at such a young age. She has made it very evident the marriage isn't solely for the green card, as she does want to build a life with me. I have no doubt this is the truth.

My main concern lies in the fact that things are so good right now, I don't want to jump in to a marriage and have it mess up what we have. We would need to start the marriage process within the next few months in order for her to stay, and I have been hesitant. I am not really sure where to go from here.

[Dogeeseegod]

[upstatedoc]

No

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by MrGatsby

Alright gentleman, I am in need of some sound advice.

.

And you came here for that????


Well, despite your obvious first missteps, you may in fact find some good advice.

I'm not so sure I'd want to get married at 22 either to be honest. I think you are justified in being hesitant. You are young still, so is she, like it or not, there is still a level of immaturity and while you think you may both want each other, in a few years, you may find that not to be the case.

I'm not American, so can't help much, but is there no other options for her to stay a little longer?

If she's done her studies, is there no way to find employment in that field here where her employer will give her a green card? I'd suggest the employment option, its my understanding that this is something that allows you to stay in 'MERICA! (yeah)...seems like the best option to buy you both some time without going nuclear and ticking the marriage option.

[MrGatsby]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

And you came here for that????


Well, despite your obvious first missteps, you may in fact find some good advice.

I'm not so sure I'd want to get married at 22 either to be honest. I think you are justified in being hesitant. You are young still, so is she, like it or not, there is still a level of immaturity and while you think you may both want each other, in a few years, you may find that not to be the case.

I'm not American, so can't help much, but is there no other options for her to stay a little longer?

If she's done her studies, is there no way to find employment in that field here where her employer will give her a green card? I'd suggest the employment option, its my understanding that this is something that allows you to stay in 'MERICA! (yeah)...seems like the best option to buy you both some time without going nuclear and ticking the marriage option.

I came here for the multitude of perspectives and brutal honesty. Two things the forums do best.

I agree on your second paragraph. My main concern is just that: will we still feel this way in a few years?

In regards to employment, we have explored this, and the issue lies despite her degree. For a company to sponsor her visa they have to pay 10's of thousands of dollars to do so. When an equally qualified candidate comes in without the company having to pay for the green card, they will always choose them unfortunately.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

And you came here for that????


Well, despite your obvious first missteps, you may in fact find some good advice.

I'm not so sure I'd want to get married at 22 either to be honest. I think you are justified in being hesitant. You are young still, so is she, like it or not, there is still a level of immaturity and while you think you may both want each other, in a few years, you may find that not to be the case.

I'm not American, so can't help much, but is there no other options for her to stay a little longer?

If she's done her studies, is there no way to find employment in that field here where her employer will give her a green card? I'd suggest the employment option, its my understanding that this is something that allows you to stay in 'MERICA! (yeah)...seems like the best option to buy you both some time without going nuclear and ticking the marriage option.

I agree. Even if she was a citizen I would say do not get married at 22. No way. South Africa really wouldn't work for a long distance relationship but that should not force your decision. If she can get some kind of work visa, that's great but I do not think you should get married in a rush.

[******]

Originally Posted by MrGatsby

I came here for the multitude of perspectives and brutal honesty. Two things the forums do best.

I agree on your second paragraph. My main concern is just that: will we still feel this way in a few years?

In regards to employment, we have explored this, and the issue lies despite her degree. For a company to sponsor her visa they have to pay 10's of thousands of dollars to do so. When an equally qualified candidate comes in without the company having to pay for the green card, they will always choose them unfortunately.

If it’s any consolation your town is cute. I had lunch there a couple of weeks ago. Boca.

As to your plight, wow, tough one. One obvious solution but one I woudn’t recommend is to get married with the understanding that you’re not really ready for it but would do so just to keep her in country. It’s a solution but one which might very well create more problems than it would solve, plus I think it’s illegal. But we wouldn’t tell. Lol.

[King Rudi]

As others have stated, do not get married at this age. In no way am I discounting how you feel about her but let me ask this - when you were a young wee lad, did you like to play with toys? Do you still like to play with toys? Would you wager half of your liquid/capital on the fact that in 7-10 years that you (or her) will still feel the same way?

Next....