The OFFICIAL online dating thread!

[Samurai of 2day]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Nope, no one approaches me in person and I'm not currently online dating. I do get messages on social media from far away but I don't have any interest in that. I'm currently content and am not putting any effort into dating. My life is pretty drama-free at the moment and it's nice.

I understand, completely.

Drama free, is the way to be.

[nyalpine90]

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

Colombian girl I'm meeting up with on Thursday

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Mr.SugarSkulls

Colombian girl I'm meeting up with on Thursday

make sure she isnt plastic... they love going back to homeland for that stuff.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day

Thank you, Tara.

That means a lot, coming from you, honestly.

As a genuinely good looking woman, who had a naturally positive and pleasant personality, coupled with a unique affinity for subjects usually reserved for the guys, I'm sure you have guys falling at your feet and offering you everything from coffee, to dinner, to boats, lol.

It's probably so easy for you to filter through the masses and then pick one who genuinely piques your interest. Some of us don't have it so easy, lol.

Maybe I can try again to take a pic tomorrow in a different light or something, then build up the courage to try the profile building again.

Maybe online dating isn't for me on the other hand. I always found it funny about myself, that I can be so brave and or adventurous when it comes to most things... but when it comes to dealing with women I can still get all nervous and apprehensive, depending on the level of attraction I have towards her, lol.

If my next attempt to build a profile is a success, I will definitely post a general write up of the experience that follows and share with my Bimmer family!

Post a pic. We'll critique. We're always honest here. Count on it.

But honestly, reading through your posts, I notice a distinct lack of confidence. Whether it's just with women or more, I don't know, maybe they are just your kryptonite. But like CTinline-six said - confidence is the key. Without being a douche.

Eye contact, smile, relax, help them relax, joke if you can. I always struggled to have any confidence too, so I know where you are coming from. Going through high school helped me though - I was (by my own account) the third geekiest person there. The other two above me were my only friends. Honestly, couldn't think of anyone less popular than us. We were cut out of any social activities, it was hard for me to find anyone that wanted to work with me in a group project, never invited to any parties, etc.

And this is going to sound like I'm a bit of a douche, but I'm really not. What that experience gave me was the realization after a few years of it (and at first it did hurt a bit), was that I actually don't NEED anyone. I don't. I'm my own person, and I've found happiness being that.

I've also found once I really accepted that, that many other people after high school also started accepting me and I've made a few other friends. But most are intrigued by me I suspect, because I'm upfront, genuine, and simply don't care what they think about me.

If you can get there with women, to a degree, to realize that they either will or will not like you for who you are, and not care which way it goes (I know, sounds a little douchey), you'll be more genuine and I think the right ones will find that attractive. Not everyone, but those you won't really want anyways.

To clarify, I'm not saying not to care about them as people, but just not to care which way it goes. Being happy with yourself and not caring if they ghost.

Keep getting hurt - it hurts less each time. But eventually you'll find the one.

[Samurai of 2day]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Post a pic. We'll critique. We're always honest here. Count on it.

But honestly, reading through your posts, I notice a distinct lack of confidence. Whether it's just with women or more, I don't know, maybe they are just your kryptonite. But like CTinline-six said - confidence is the key. Without being a douche.

Eye contact, smile, relax, help them relax, joke if you can. I always struggled to have any confidence too, so I know where you are coming from. Going through high school helped me though - I was (by my own account) the third geekiest person there. The other two above me were my only friends. Honestly, couldn't think of anyone less popular than us. We were cut out of any social activities, it was hard for me to find anyone that wanted to work with me in a group project, never invited to any parties, etc.

And this is going to sound like I'm a bit of a douche, but I'm really not. What that experience gave me was the realization after a few years of it (and at first it did hurt a bit), was that I actually don't NEED anyone. I don't. I'm my own person, and I've found happiness being that.

I've also found once I really accepted that, that many other people after high school also started accepting me and I've made a few other friends. But most are intrigued by me I suspect, because I'm upfront, genuine, and simply don't care what they think about me.

If you can get there with women, to a degree, to realize that they either will or will not like you for who you are, and not care which way it goes (I know, sounds a little douchey), you'll be more genuine and I think the right ones will find that attractive. Not everyone, but those you won't really want anyways.

To clarify, I'm not saying not to care about them as people, but just not to care which way it goes. Being happy with yourself and not caring if they ghost.

Keep getting hurt - it hurts less each time. But eventually you'll find the one.

Well said, indeed.

You're right, of course. My lack of confidence around women has been a constant for as long as I can remember.

I was doing the bachelor thing for for many years and has that attitude you mentioned as far as not caring either way how things went with the women I would spend my weekends with if I wasn't away for work.

I started spending time with one in particular recently and started to push the others away because I liked this one (first one I've taken seriously in a while) but unfortunately she decided to go a different route than the path I was working towards.

Not the first time I've been disappointed in this type of outcome, but just a reminder that I should just revert back to the attitude you've mentioned.

I'll get past this disappointment (I always do) and was thinking about trying the online dating thing since it could potentially make the understanding between both parties a but clearer, since most intentions are casual interactions for single (or not) adults, lol.

I hesitated yesterday when building the profile and came to a screeching hault when a pic was required immediately, lol. To bad the app I was planning to try out doesn't have some sort of trial or demo function for first timers, like myself, lol.

I will give it some thought and maybe try again when I get back home since I've been away on business and don't want to take a pic in gum clothes/uniform/house clothes.

I know competition has got to be tough on those sites, so if I do decide to jump in, I'm gonna have to bring the A game!

[Turkish Pickle]

from a literal milennial: online "dating" is bullshit.

all tinder/humble etc is good for is boosting my ego, but being on a college campus you'd not believe what my drunk ass swipes right on. let's be honest - im not a Greek god looking guy, a bit over average at best.

i also find meeting people face to face instead of swiping right much easier, maybe because English isn't my native language, but for example meeting people at bars or even at the library it works better. I can't say anything on how stuff works in the "adult" world, this is a 20 year old dude studying in college, but if I had to take a guess I'd say you would get better results if you were actively looking for people in person.

Also, something I've noticed here: back home (look at the flag) its relationship first, then sex. Here in USA (at least as far as I can see) it's the other way around. Looking for a girlfriend might not be a good course of action (figured this the hard way) but keeping an open mind to that idea should someone intriguing pops up is a better mindset, it also reduces the heartbreak because it wasn't your #1 priority to begin with.

[Ultimateone]

It's different once you're out of college, the only way to meet these days really is online dating. You cant even compliment people today at say a bar because of the climate we are in and everyone so on edge.

[Hawkeye]

Not reading through this whole thread but if the "real life" way of meeting people isn't working there is nothing wrong with online dating. Might as well cast a wide net and have a better chance of catching someone.

I met my fiance on OKCupid so they do work sometimes, just talk to a lot of people and go on a lot of dates.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

Not reading through this whole thread but if the "real life" way of meeting people isn't working there is nothing wrong with online dating. Might as well cast a wide net and have a better chance of catching someone.

I met my fiance on OKCupid so they do work sometimes, just talk to a lot of people and go on a lot of dates.

The opposite is usually true for most single people. Online dating seems to be the first avenue when entering the dating world, with meeting in real life usually either, a) never attempted; or b) not given a reasonable attempt.

Get off the apps, put the damn phone down, and go talk to women / men in real life. But try not to crawl into the fetal position while doing so, I know talking to a stranger in real life can be extremely distressful for most of these damn kids these days.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by smoosh

The opposite is usually true for most single people. Online dating seems to be the first avenue when entering the dating world, with meeting in real life usually either, a) never attempted; or b) not given a reasonable attempt.

Get off the apps, put the damn phone down, and go talk to women / men in real life. But try not to crawl into the fetal position while doing so, I know talking to a stranger in real life can be extremely distressful for most of these damn kids these days.

Not everyone is as outgoing as you. Easier said than done.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by Ultimateone

It's different once you're out of college, the only way to meet these days really is online dating. You cant even compliment people today at say a bar because of the climate we are in and everyone so on edge.

Disagree.

If your compliment is, "Hey, you have beautiful tits. I'm Stupid; and you are?" then, yes, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is, "You drink beer?! That's so awesome!" then, yes, again, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is stated AFTER already having introduced yourself, and is, "It's refreshing to meet someone who values _____ so strongly," then, no, there should not be an issue with complimenting.

It's not complimenting that's the issue, it's being braindead and giving the first compliment that comes to mind that's an issue.

[Ultimateone]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Disagree.

If your compliment is, "Hey, you have beautiful tits. I'm Stupid; and you are?" then, yes, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is, "You drink beer?! That's so awesome!" then, yes, again, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is stated AFTER already having introduced yourself, and is, "It's refreshing to meet someone who values _____ so strongly," then, no, there should not be an issue with complimenting.

It's not complimenting that's the issue, it's being braindead and giving the first compliment that comes to mind that's an issue.

How old are you and are you currently in the dating scene?

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Not everyone is as outgoing as you. Easier said than done.

Acknowledging you're not good at something / can't do something as well as others and giving up / not giving it a good attempt isn't the right way to go about things.

Force yourself to not go on apps, and if you want to meet someone, you only have one way to do it - in person. The body and mind adapts and improves through trial and error to what you put before it, especially when it comes to meeting men / women.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Ultimateone

How old are you and are you currently in the dating scene?

His dating history is quite well known here. He started out a skinny, clueless kid and used to ask for girl advice here on OT. Now that he has since gotten an education and bulked up at the gym, he has confidence and approaches chicks easily. Doesn't hurt that he's very tall.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by Ultimateone

How old are you and are you currently in the dating scene?

Relevance of my age to anything I've said?

I don't date for career / personal (non-religious) reasons. But yes, I do meet women in real life frequently, and go on "dates."

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by bimmette

His dating history is quite well known here. He started out a skinny, clueless kid and used to ask for girl advice here on OT. Now that he has since gotten an education and bulked up at the gym, he has confidence and approaches chicks easily. Doesn't hurt that he's very tall.

There's more to it than that.

Edit: by the way, I can't tell you how many times women have felt intimidated by height and shut down completely. Like I said, it's deeper than that. Same goes for outgoing / not outgoing. You put in effort and make adjustments.

[aozer]

Originally Posted by smoosh

There's more to it than that.

Edit: by the way, I can't tell you how many times women have felt intimidated by height and shut down completely. Like I said, it's deeper than that. Same goes for outgoing / not outgoing. You put in effort and make adjustments.

but you have no idea what its like to be short and unattractive. i think your views on dating would be quite different if you had to try to meet women without being able to live up to their superficial requirements.

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

[CTinline-six]

I will agree with the idea that dating is more difficult in the adult world after college. It really depends on your environment though.

I'll use myself as an example.

Dating for me in college was difficult, mainly because I had a busy work schedule, a full class schedule, and I commuted. Most people met through living on campus with other people. With all that in mind, it was still easier to approach women on a college campus since you had something in common such as being in the same class, walking to the same building, etc. The bottom line is you had more access to people, and just had to approach them.

In the working world it is a bit different. At my job, I work with a group of school districts as an IT Coordinator for a technology company. I travel around to a few different districts where I have offices. Most of my job consists of dealing with administrators and teachers who are quite a bit older than me. The only time I might run into a teacher about my age who might be single, I'm in her class assisting with technology. Not exactly the most non-creepy way to approach someone. I've actually had more luck meeting people through friends' parties, or in random places like a store.

So the bottom line with the adult world is you have less access to people, and you need to both find them and approach them. Not everyone has the guts to approach random people. The first time I did it I completely forgot what I was going to say, but it gets easier with practice.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by aozer

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

Fuck'em. There is a reason why a lot of those women on dating apps who put "6ft or don't talk to me" are still single. Their standards are too high and they are too full of themselves. 5'9 isn't exactly short (I'm 5'10"), and I have a few friends who are 5'6-5'7 and they do very well with women. 5'8-5'11 is usually average height. You can help your confidence by working out, and how you carry yourself when you walk has a big influence on how people see you.

[Ultimateone]

Tinder is hilarious as so many people put their heights on it...

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by aozer

but you have no idea what its like to be short and unattractive. i think your views on dating would be quite different if you had to try to meet women without being able to live up to their superficial requirements.

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

Men and women both have superficial requirements.

But you've also just proved my point. With online dating apps like Tinder, you get kicked to the curb because of something as utterly ridiculous as height. Would that happen in person? Probably not, assuming you've peaked the person's interest. Would a 5'8" chick say, "he's 5'9", that alone's a deal breaker" in person? Not likely. But it happens frequently on Tinder. That's one of the reasons why online dating should be a last resort, not first resort, because it takes superficial requirements to the absolute extreme.

To each their own man. When I'm talking to someone and I hear them say, "I can't do this because of this, or can't do that because of whatever..." It's the end of the conversation. I tell them to get the fuck out of my view. Making excuses like, "I'm not tall enough," "not attractive enough," "super duper shy..." Just stop. I have buddies in the military who've had limbs chopped off and I see them in the gym every single day doing everything a fully-limbed person is doing, AND more...I have buds who have combat-related PTSD, yet they manage it by putting in the work...I have short friends, below 5'7", who are some of the most likeable dudes I know, and naturally attract women...I have friends who speak English as a second, third, or even fourth language, yet I never hear them say, "girls don't like guys who speak broken English"...I have buds who are, to put it bluntly, not attractive, yet they're the most loyal dudes I know, and women can sniff that from a mile away, and look at these dudes through the whole person concept, not just attractiveness of face....

You have to deal with the card you're given in life, and make the most of it man. Improve your weaknesses (just because you're not six foot whatever isn't an excuse to get fat as hell...just because you're shy isn't an excuse to not learn how to communicate effectively...), and perfect your strengths.

If you think any of these guys got there, i.e., overcoming their weaknesses, by saying, "I can't do this because of XYZ," you're wrong...they got there because they stopped feeling sorry for themselves, and saw their weaknesses as motivation to push themselves to be better than others...