Best/close friends with the opposite sex?

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

I think everyone gets jealous/insecure at some point. We're human, unlike 1MOREMOD. When I met my wife she was a manager at a Best Buy and she got jealous and held up a girl against a wall (she wasn't fired haha) all because she was talking to me while I was waiting for her shift to end. She is a nut job but has dealt with me for almost 12 years so I must be doing something right.

I'm human? Oh wait alien, aliens get jealous too.

[PoorLurker]

My wife got a degree in a field that is predominately male, so her college friends are all guys. She is very girly in many aspects (loves Hello Kitty and "cute" stuff) but she is not very stereotypical when it comes to relationships.

I would say that the person in her life that she is closest to outside of family is a guy.

He is a great person and I have 0 issues with their relationship. She just told me this last night...

Him: Hey when are you guys coming to visit? Do you even miss me?

So to answer the question, depends on the person. I happened to get lucky with a type of person who I trust to have friends of the opposite sex. She chooses her friends wisely as well. Therefore, any guy in her life is one that understands respect.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

This is mainly geared towards people who are in a relationship and either they or their SO have a best/close friend of the opposite sex.

Quick story, I used to have a very close friend named Tina who went out of her way to hook me up with her female friends (crazy Long Island nights) and we would go out maybe twice a week. She was engaged to an older man at the time (we were in our mid 20's and he was in his late 30's and never had a problem with me). Friend-zone, however, I never saw her that way, more like a sister. This went on for a few years until I met the woman who turned out to be my wife. Since then, we only chat here and there on FB. She (wife) was never fond of Tina and I guess I can understand her thinking. She never trusted Tina around me for some reason even though we never had feelings like that towards each other.

So ladies, if your man had a close female friend and they hung out, spoke often, does that make you feel insecure? Trust issues?

Guys, I cannot think you would let your woman hang out with some dude, friend or not.

I can understand your wife's thinking - it goes something like this.
The way she sees it, is that you like Tina, but to Tina you were always out of her league, or for whatever reason she decided you two were forever no-go, so she set's you up with other girls etc.
Your SO wouldn't care if you had female friends who you didn't (secretly) wanted to sleep with, even if you had groupies cuz she knew you wouldn't be interested.

I've never been the groupie type to 'superior' girls (lack of social skills), but rather I have had some groupies - people I would consider very good friends and I would never call them that in real life. But that is the underlying psychological current, if you'd like to understand it.

When I had a longterm GF, she would only get jealous of certain ppl - the hotter girls she knew I would want (to fuck). She even made friends with my 'groupie' besties, but you could tell it was a one-up relationship.
Once I had a chick leave her name imprinted in dust on my computer monitor and she saw it -i was thinking "Shit.." but she brushed it off, maybe cuz she was borderline attractive (like I would if she gave it up, but I wasn't dying for it)..

now have ANY attractive girl that your SO knows you would fuck even so much as talk to you, and if she is the jealous type (I guess all women are?) she will be stewing inside for days..

[Mr Tonka]

Wife has many male friends. Being a CPA, getting into partner level, she's kind of breaking into a boys club. She's always at lunch, NHL games, etc... with male clients, referral sources, etc...

I can't say i'm thrilled about it, but *most* women aren't like dudes. They aren't thinking about how different it would be to bang every guy at the table. So it's not like if one of the guys at the table said, "Hey, wanna bang?" she'd be good to go. Just because a male friend want's to bang your SO doesn't mean they get to.

Besides, worrying about it won't stop it from happening. In fact, worrying about likely does more to help happen.

[BMW F22]

This is a tough topic for me. I can get jealous from time to time. A few other things will also make me pause a little. For example, if my lady hangs out with her friend(s) and a certain guy is always there, of course I'm gonna wonder. I think most of us were raised up with the belief that two people of the opposite sex can't be friends. That isn't true but I think that those that can are the exceptions, not the rule.

Then there is insecurity and trust issues too. I feel like it should go both ways and that both people need to be open and clear about things.

Also, not sure if I agree with the "the more you think about it the more true it becomes." While it may be true, doesn't it also mean that perhaps deep down the idea was already there? It's just now that someone's mentioned it, the other person thinks it's okay to go forward with it.

Just playing devil's advocate here really as argument can be made on all sides.

[F30lolz]

Also, being friends with an ex (unless you have a child with a previous partner and are no longer together, it's fine to communicate regarding the kid) while with someone else is something I wouldn't be cool about. Also for fun, no guy would let his woman hang out with a guy she previously hooked up with before she knew you. I wonder what the ladies think of this?

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by BMW F22

This is a tough topic for me. I can get jealous from time to time. A few other things will also make me pause a little. For example, if my lady hangs out with her friend(s) and a certain guy is always there, of course I'm gonna wonder. I think most of us were raised up with the belief that two people of the opposite sex can't be friends. That isn't true but I think that those that can are the exceptions, not the rule.

Then there is insecurity and trust issues too. I feel like it should go both ways and that both people need to be open and clear about things.

Also, not sure if I agree with the "the more you think about it the more true it becomes." While it may be true, doesn't it also mean that perhaps deep down the idea was already there? It's just now that someone's mentioned it, the other person thinks it's okay to go forward with it.

Just playing devil's advocate here really as argument can be made on all sides.

I'll pitch in here, because being Southern Floridians, MrT and I basically share one mind. I believe he was saying that thinking about it likely increases its likelihood because it will cause issues of trust and overall degrade the quality of your relationship, thus leading to increased odds of seeking some sort of validation elsewhere. Kind of getting the causation ball rolling. Not like she's thinking "Oh he thinks I might fuck someone, then ok I'll go fuck ... THAT guy."

[Nkc]

What's with all this beta shit?

[NEFARIOUS]

Personally, exes are deal-breakers... Even though I didn't end our relationship on a bad term and she wants me back, I feel that it's better to make a clean break from exes since of course, the current GF/wife would probably get jealous, or that temptation to cheat would be just right there since that same ex saw me once and just started to [insert mild NSFW actions here], especially since I was renting a room in a place that had no living room, so I was sitting on my bed... I was still single at the time, but still.

With that being said, I expect the same courtesy of not contacting exes from S/O's (thank God my current GF's ex is in SF and left on sour terms, the cheating bastard).

As far as other male friends, I have female friends, so I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say she can't hang out with them while I hang out with the ladies (I always respect people who are taken and made it a point to never cheat)... But if any one of them so much as gives her "the look", so far I've seen most of her male friends, they know I'm with her, and I've sized up those scrawny little Asian boys and have full confidence I can take them on if I need to kick their asses.

But still, my phone and tablet need a pattern to unlock, and my computer is off-limits (but also locked) since she has her own, also because there's always going to be that one message prone to misinterpretation that she just might find.

[Biorin]

The majority of my close friends are guys, so it would be hypocritical of me to be bothered by an SO being close with girls. It takes two to tango, so as long as I trust the other person, I'll typically be ok with it.

That being said, I also take context into account - if they have a history of being friends with girls, I'm probably not going to bat an eye at any new female friends. If they have a history of banging all of their female friends, I might raise an eyebrow, but will trust them unless given a reason not to. However, I've also encountered a situation where a former fuck buddy was a close friend; I liked her and felt pretty okay with it until she stopped by one night for dinner with her hair all curled and makeup all done (in the fancy metropolitan of Vermont) and spent the night hitting on him in front of my face. That, not so much. I've also had a scenario where a female coworker was a close friend, and I didn't think much of it until she absentmindedly reached over and picked a small crumb off his thigh while we were at dinner. Hmm.

I'm not sure if guys are the same way, but for me, how likeable I find her as a person is directly correlated to how "cool" I am with it. If she seems fun to hang around, well, I don't blame the SO for wanting to be friends with them. If I think they're a miserable bore, I'm more likely to feel that there might be another intention, though we all get along with different types of people.

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

The first wife had some male friends from work. I was cool with it. She wanted to club with her cousins, I was cool with it. She came home pregnant with somebody else's baby, we got divorced.

Second wife is potentially jealous. She knows I work almost exclusively with women. Not my choice, it's just the nature of the business. IF I am going to lunch with anyone in the office, I call the wife and let her know. I take a huge ration of shit at work for this. I have nothing to hide, so I just tell my wife.

I personally don't care where my wife goes, or who she goes with. What gets me into a screaming mania is when she doesn't say something, then hours go by and she doesn't answer her phone. Yes, I've tracked her phone, and she was right where she says after the fact. JUST FUCKING CALL ME AND TELL ME!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by F30lolz

This post angered me. Glad you've moved on.

Lol I would have decapitated that whore.

Regarding the second scenario with the tracking, lls.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by Biorin

The majority of my close friends are guys, so it would be hypocritical of me to be bothered by an SO being close with girls. It takes two to tango, so as long as I trust the other person, I'll typically be ok with it.

That being said, I also take context into account - if they have a history of being friends with girls, I'm probably not going to bat an eye at any new female friends. If they have a history of banging all of their female friends, I might raise an eyebrow, but will trust them unless given a reason not to. However, I've also encountered a situation where a former fuck buddy was a close friend; I liked her and felt pretty okay with it until she stopped by one night for dinner with her hair all curled and makeup all done (in the fancy metropolitan of Vermont) and spent the night hitting on him in front of my face. That, not so much. I've also had a scenario where a female coworker was a close friend, and I didn't think much of it until she absentmindedly reached over and picked a small crumb off his thigh while we were at dinner. Hmm.

I'm not sure if guys are the same way, but for me, how likeable I find her as a person is directly correlated to how "cool" I am with it. If she seems fun to hang around, well, I don't blame the SO for wanting to be friends with them. If I think they're a miserable bore, I'm more likely to feel that there might be another intention, though we all get along with different types of people.

There is much win here.
At first, my atavistic maleness was briefly titillated. Then, I understood and was disappointed. Seriously though, this makes tremendous sense. It is all about context. I am a "trust until you get bitten, then end it" kind of guy. If I live in fear, then the terrorists (guys who don't respect the bro-code) win. Fortunately, I have not had to deal with being bitten except for once, in college.

PS: If a guy absentmindedly reached over and picked anything off of my wife's thigh, he would live the rest of his life absent-handedly. Just saying. I am not possessive, but I am protective.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by kprocivic

hehe, can't deny my little chiclet.

Translation: She uses my computer and my username/pw are saved.

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Translation: She uses my computer and my username/pw are saved.