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      09-16-2021, 05:34 AM   #17
Second Lieutenant

Drives: BMW G30, BMW E36
Join Date: Apr 2021
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

I totally get where you're coming from. I had a long winded story about my life, but I'll just keep it simple.

It takes time. I'm now 38 years old and my mom barely stopped trying to run my life. All my life she wanted me to be an MD or RN. Coming from a 3rd world country, you have to realize that the only way out for them was an education. I grew up in an era where education was highly prioritized.

Times have changed. You can be really successful without a higher education, but what hasn't changed is the fall back plan. Education will always be a safety net. Sometimes school isn't about an education either. Its about making connections with people in your industry. Sometimes its not about what you know, but who you know.

My suggestion to you is to move out. You can afford your own place; thinking that its hard to move out of your parent's home because of cultural reasons will hold you back. If the reason is that you need to take care of someone at home for health reasons then you probably should stay home and take care of business.

I had to go through therapy before I realized that my Mom's behavior was toxic and caused my self esteem to plummet. So for your sanity, you need to move out. For a long time I didn't talk to my mom and I felt anxiety whenever I was asked to talk to her. I knew the first words out of her mouth would be something along the lines of me not being good enough. I also realized that she was projecting on me, she didn't finish school until she was in her 40s and she struggled. She did not want me to struggle either.

Now my relationship with my mother is better, but I'm not completely open with her either. Asian parents can be extremely racist, prejudice, and judgmental. You are not your parents, you are your own man and your parents will realize that in time. My mom is very materialistic, so I have to show her things to "prove" that I'm doing fine.

Most of the time I don't know if she wants better for ME, or she just wants me to do better so she can brag about it to her friends. Either way, its your life and your happiness. Your parents want better for you, but the only "better" they know is education. They aren't wrong about that concept, but they are wrong in how it is applied. Experience is also an education.

Just give it time dude, its hard, annoying, and stressful, but in time, things will get better.