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Talk with a family lawyer. I had a buddy years ago that had a ton of back pay to catch up on ... IIRC about 10 years worth, he had no idea, mailing problems, etc.
He'd gone to court and the backpay went into a 529 for his kid. Mother never seen a dime.
I'm sure in your case the ex will have to agree to anything. But there should be options where you don't have to give her money and can do something beneficial for your daughter.
And the support system just need far more options. I've known of far too many who live off support and the kid sees none of it.
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