I get home from a nice motorcycle ride before the rain starts from the tropical depression in the Florida Panhandle. I have a lot to look forward to, nice relaxing day, maybe a beer or two, and a nice Thai food dinner! My daughter is in town visiting before moving to the West Coast for a new job as a college professor. She's celebrating with some friends. It's a cozy gathering with plenty of snacks, chilled bottle of water, some wine, and some fun desserts. My husband is smack dab in the middle of everyone with the most pleasant half grin on his face looking like king Perv.
I snatched up one of the chilled bottles of water and emptied out a orange skittles flavor pack into the bottle. As I'm shaking the bottle and watching the color change from watercolor to orange, I noticed a plate of cookies neatly sitting on a plate all by themselves not being touched by anyone. Those cookies were fat and looked awesome. I was more thirsty and hungry at the moment so I paid them no more attention.
I said hello to everyone before heading off to the master bedroom to wash my ass. Today, I did the one thing that I said I would never do and rode my K1200RS BMW motorcycle without wearing a jacket. I actually had on a cat suit and was totally being a straight looker hooker on the bike. I'm 50, but can still work it.
I get out of the shower and dry off, my heart's pounding out of my chest from sweating because I never changed the water heater setting from winter. Probably gonna end up having a stroke if I don't lower the delivery temperature.
I put on my casual sweats and headed out to be social with the millennials
I drifted by the plate of cookies and grabbed two, parked myself neatly next to my husband, who kind of smells like a sack full of farts now. He's been very quiet and observant. Too quiet. Suspiciously quiet….Drinking waaaay too much water quiet.
I chomp on one of the fat ass cookies… pretty good. Some noticed and giggled, gave me some funny hand gesture while a funny robot voiced auto tuned R&B singer with extremely poor word pronunciation babbled on the mic like a drunken black curly stooge.
3 mins later, I polish off one cookie., it's about the size of a mixed nuts can lid (you know).
I was listening to one of the Millennials tell us about how she found her cat abandoned at her job and how it was 7 years ago..
I go in for the second cookie chomp..
My peripheral catches a Roku remote tumbling in the air, just as I have the cookie up to my mouth, my daughter is right there with her hand going across my face, knocking the cookie in half and landed on her friend's lap.
My daughter: " this isn't lays tater chips, you're only supposed to eat one!"
Me: "Feck's going on? Nobody wants the goddamn things because they're so many on the plate, Feck you hit me for??
Millennial Friends: "TELL HER". .with their hands outstretched, with palms facing up and pointed at me……
…..
………
……….
……………..Me: "y'all talking to me? What y'all got to tell me? Can I at least get some of those wings and those crunchy Thai spring rolls and that dipping sauce.."….
Yeah, I'm still stoned right now. This was hard to write!