[D_o_S]

We were not walking fast, it was a frame of reference - we were walking at my normal pace, I guess hers is slower. On the other hand, she proceeded to walk "just as fast" on her own initiative later that afternoon without complaining...


As mentioned, if it's a one off event, it's OK and I wouldn't bother talking to her... but it has happened recurrently in the past and sometimes seems to go down a rabbit hole, where the whole conversation then proceeds in "why are you/why is everything so bad, etc..." rather than saying "Hey, could we...". I.e. It has happened that she would start with "Do we have to walk so fast?" and continues to "Gee, it's only 21:00 and you already want to go to bed?", and yes, "Why are we driving so slow?", followed by "Why are we driving so fast" a few moments later... followed by "Do you have to speak so loudly?"

instead of saying:
- Could we walk a little slower please?
- Goodnight and see you tomorrow
- Could you please speed up a bit?
- Could you please speak a little more softly?
I mean, to each his own... but if I come home to her dinner, I'm not going to tell her "Did you have to make it so spicy today?". Rather, I will tell her: "Hey, could you please make it a little less spicy next time?" Or, even: "I'm sorry, but this food is too spicy for me. Would you have anything less so, that I could grab a bite of?"

I mean, does it sound friendly if your friends are constantly saying "Do you have to..." in a way suggesting that you doing are wrong? I don't think anyone could take that continually...

It also sounds like projection to me: I don't want to say what I want, but instead, I blame you for not doing it, implicitly. You get into your friends car, are you going to tell him "Does it have to be so cold in here?". Or are you going to say "Hey, could you turn down the airconditioning just a bit?" You are implicitly suggesting the other party has created a problem, is "dumb for doing so" (yeah, I turned the AC on for no reason at all, I am rather cold myself but I'll leave it on full blast") and will comply with the novel viewpoint you have brought into their life (i.e. "Gee, its freezing in here and I didn't realize that, thank you for pointing it out")

It would have been nicer to even ask "Why are we walking so fast..."

It's different if you use this phrase if you are suggesting something... like "Let's go to London, then to Rome", a response along the lines of "Do we have to go to Rome?" is fine by me, perhaps followed by a suggestion of where to visit...